Newly married....6 months back...needs some advise...Thanks

Dear Nami,
Congratulations on your marriage.You seem to be a level headed girl and your DH seems to be a very nice person.

You have come a long way..You got it girl ;you are half way through so don't worry and enjoy your life.

I am a non veg and Dh is Veg..he is also like you ..infact after pregnancy he even made it for me...even though it was the ready made kind that he had to heat or fry but that has made me see a whole different side of him. He also does not force the kid to be veg or non veg.

To take care of household stuff there is a cool thread in the Kitchen/ideal home section..something called if you are newly married and abroad...it gives tips about grocery buying,saving etc.
Regarding PILs take cue from Dh and be happy...you will be fine.

Good Luck.

 

Nami,

Let me first " applaud " you for the fine sense of balance you have in your thinking ! thumbsup

YOU ARE TRULY LEVEL HEADED !

I know you came here asking for how to cope up with the initial domestic jitters anyone faces in arranged / love marriages !

The thread got funnily digressed to something " you can handle " and neednt be looked as a WILL-HAPPEN episode.

Even, if it does, you are far tooo sensible to handle them, each one who reads your posts, will understand that !

Every marriage has its set of issues.. SO WHAT ? It is upto each one to chin up and face it as it comes..

Since you came here as a young bride / new wife.. let me tell you something.. This is how one feels in the initial days of marriage and it sooo very normal !

- Since you not planning for babies for another 4 years, stop worrying too much about your intimate life being changed when the kids are around !

- Everything is possible if you have mutual respect and love for each other, Nami ! Really. Just keep the love and respect going .. you will grow old beautifully with each other ! :thumbsup

- For now make the most of your life and tgetherness.. Remember, when you fell in love you dreamt of this togetherness and not fear. Travel, have fun and just fall in love everyday !

- There is nothing to be ' prepared ' for a baby except financially and physically. If you have lotss of time to get a baby for you both, you have lotts of time to plan too. Post your concern " the time " you decide to have a baby.. and check the responses ! For now, just be a wife !

- Your husband is so right when he says, YOU NEED TO TAKE LIFE AS IT COMES ! Yes, do not do too much planning for life. Life isnt a mutual fund or property. So, just enjoy the lovely surprises everyday and live every second !

- Do not worry too much about ' what you did with your husband before marriage ' or bother to even think what yours or his parents would think ! That is between you and your husband which needs to be left so.
You can decide about what needs to done about the stay at your inlaws, when you decide on your trip.

You can also, maybe try being with them a couple of days the next time around to see if they have changed a little OR wether you have started to be more open to their attitude ( you anyways knew this was coming isnt ? ) So, dpnt give it too much thinking and worry it out to your hubby. Leave it to time. Handle it the way you can when it needs to be.

If they behave cold again, then cut short the number of days you are with them and find peace. Eventually, things may get better or atleast you will become ' smarter ' to handle them.

Change is inevitable isnt, Nami !

Just enjoy the hneymoon phase and do not dig too much into unnecessary things. :thumbsup

Take care and HAVE A VERY HAPPY MARRIED LIFE !

 

You and your dh are going in the right direction.....clap
You have decided your stand on the religion and also conveyed it to you dh. Since he is fine with it so all should be good.

Be friendly to you dh and both of you share the housework. You will sail smoothly.

:thumbsup
Adara

 

CONGRATULATIONS!
No advices from me. But can share tips / secrets of my happy married life.
It worked and works for me. No generalisations here.. I am talking abt what I practice and what fruits I see..

* The more you give unconditionally, the more you get.

* I don't try to change him in anyways. I take him as is. I am happy the way he is.

* If we get into any tiffs, I don't put on a long face for more than few minutes..
DH and I both look for any topic to talk as if nothing happened and bring back the happy family mood. This I learnt from my kid! Yes, when I scold my kid, my kid frowns or cries but within few seconds would bounce back and talk normally or play happily.. I will be here very guilty of scolding but seeing my kid back in the spirit would lighten me up.. If a small kid could do that, why can't I? My DH does not like putting up 'long faces'.

* I never force DH to do things he does not like or make him 'like' things that I like. (Here it may not be fair if I don't say this.. My DH also does not force me to do things his way unless it is a big issue.. and when convinced, I merrily go his way) Our tastes are entirely opposite. It is to that extent that I can say if he likes something or not just by knowing my preference. If I like it, then he will not. ;-) But we laugh at that and embrace it gracefully. Opposites attract!

* I, from the bottom of my heart, care for my ILs. That brings me more closer to my DH.
He is a devoted son to his parents & brother to his sis. And I am very PROUD of that because, I believe that a MAN should be like that.

* Atfirst I thought my DH is not at all expressive. But then I realised he is expressive.. only thing is he expresses his love in a different way that I cannot understand!
Ever since I learnt his 'language', Love is all I see in his every action. And to my surprise, DH seems to be learning 'my language' too!!

* Oh and one more thing, I never interfere in his financial matters. What he makes, where he invests, how much he spends on whom.. I never ask. I trust him - He is a grown up - He has responsibility - He loves us (my kid and I) - He knows what to do - Before he married me he was handling his money by himself. So why should I interfere now? I think he knows what he is doing - so why should I worry? I am peaceful.

I think, all these factors, has gained me his trust and love.

Last but not the least, I cannot take full credit for our happy married life as my DH also puts every sensible effort to keep it that way. I thank God for that.

Some may say I am lucky. Ofcourse I am lucky to have such a wonderful guy as my DH. But I also know that if someone with different mindset than mine had come to share her life with DH, life would have been very stressful for them.. DH is very firm in some beliefs and it may not be a smooth ride for both of them. So I take pride in preserving peace in the family though it is a joint effort. ;-)

Again since you asked to share the secret of our happiness, I am sharing. This is not to preach anyone. If anyone finds them applicable in their life and tries them out fruitfully, I will be very happy!!

 

I wanna know where exactly in quran or hadiya u find the bold quote.& I request u if u dont know the things properly,dont try to suggest/make others belive the same.This is a social forum,i dont think i necessary to drag religion in it while giving opinion/suggestion.

Nami,For any marriage there is no hard n fast rules to be applied n lead a happy life.In my opinion happiness of marriage lies in the trust we have on our spouse n understaning between the spouse.From ur original post it seems u have both.so just chill.

 

Nami....
I think your married life is going as it should like any other normal happy marriage sets off. You have a loving husband and you yourself are so wise that nothing can come between both of you. Take the tips that mstrue gave here. I agree with her. You are a little overwhelmed with this change in your life....getting married. Don't worry...all will fall in line and it will be fine. Take your time to understand each other and be there for one another.

Good luck and take care.
Sunitha

Moderator : The OP has responded and chosen to ignore the comments that she didnt come here looking for. So, guess, we need to move on as well with our responses on what she wants to hear and not quoting what she chose to ignore or dosnt bother about. Please do not quote anyother posts.. I have just left the message of Anjum since she has the right to convey about her religion which could be helpful to the OP herself. Thanks.

 

:thumbsupNami

Please go with what we have now. Do not think more and it is not good idea to take all advises that make you divert or confuse some time affect happiness

You are really doing Awesome!Be happy.

When the time comes everyting will be all right

God is so merciful and he will help all of us for happy life

Take care

 

OP, If I were you, I'd ignore all the Koran and Muslim bogeyman comments and just focus on what you have now. Sounds like you two know what you got into before marriage and don't let all the wild imaginations of people about the muslim conversion conspiracy theory bother you. Nothing is certain as far as the future and you cannot predict how people may or may not change and nor can you keep thinking about possibilites that may or may not happen in the future. If at all it comes to that in the future, I am sure you'd know how to deal with it so don't keep wondering solutions for problems that do not exist now. Just make the best out of life of what you have now.

 

Hi Nami,

You & ur DH seems to be more matured and focused towards your life..i think you both r going on the right direction,ur dh is very supportive so dont think too much abt his religion,PIL's & soon,Dont stress yourself, We have only one life,enjoy it to the core...
Wish you happy married life ahead

 

I liked mstrue's ideas...marriage is a team effort and not simply individual show! Good luck Nami..