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New Age Friendships - Do They Have Expiry Dates Preset?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by crazysans, Apr 12, 2016.

  1. godsgp

    godsgp Silver IL'ite

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    People of the older generation looked for friends.They got friends.
    Our generation is more keen on networking.
    A few still want friends,in the real meaning of the word.But to the other person one can be just another dot in their network.
    There is so much of fragility,ego and fakeness everywhere that yeah "friendships" are hard to find.
    Every relation who invests in the other tries to redeem at the earliest as if it is a short term market.
     
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  2. crazysans

    crazysans Bronze IL'ite

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    Hey all

    Came back to update here again. Infact I only realised I posted this years ago. Had an issue with this exact friend after 7 years nearly since I posted this. Ironically I was again turning up to IL to learn how deal with this and there it is my own thread about this very same friend and very same problem.

    Issue is over the years we somehow managed to maintain a a reasonably good relationship while we were in different cities. Was just a few personal visits 2-3 times a year. Yes there were disturbing incidents to me personally but didn’t bother me once I stepped out of their place.

    But now recent they moved to same city as us and a house very near us. Then started the problem. We went to India and when we came back I messaged everyone in our close friends circle that we are back and we had some catch-ups in the next 2-3 days and some of those this friend organised. Little did I know she was alripset with me not updating only her about our come back and the fact that we treated them like all others. Mind you these other friends are like family to us and they were the ones closest to us in this city. So made sure this family is welcomed by them while we were away with their move etc. My other friends also helped them with setting up the house etc after their move.

    I tried to ask her what is the reason for her cold treatment since we came back from India. Her answer is you didn’t invite us to your home once you are back. You treated us like everyone else and nothing special. Mind you both me and my husband started work immediately after we came back from India and after that I invited her for every weekend and she said is busy with something or the other. And when I responded with the same her reaction is you could have called me on weekdays but didn’t because you don’t want us to come anyway. That’s when I broken down and also raised all the hurtful things she said and did in the past and I never asked her and she is making such a big fuss that I didn’t invite her family over weekdays even after knowing our week days are pretty full given work and kids tuition etc . She doesn’t work and her husband is only working part time right now so they don’t appreciate the limited family time I have to plan catch-ups etc esp after coming back from holiday. So after this I tried to cool down and invited them over a few times she didn’t turn up and still makes a cold face looking at me. I am at the verge of leaving this behind to move on as I don’t have energy to deal with this anymore. Even if we do patch up eventually I am still worried about her hurtful behaviour I had to endure all this while in the name of friendship. Just posting here incase if anyone can pickup a lesson or 2 from here. Bottom line is if it has to break it will break eventually even after years of efforts to keep it intact.
     
  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    There is a proverb in tamil..

    Dhoorathu pachai kannuku kulurchi..
    Grass looks good and nice from afar..


    Some Distance is always better in any relationship these days for our own sanity.
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You know if I hadn't experienced this myself from erstwhile friends I'd have thought "Do such people really exist!!" The "you didn't invite us to your home after returning from India" types. : )

    I had one such friend. One Friday there was a get-together at her place. I came home from work after a long day, wore a chamki /sequin kurti over blue jeans and we went over. Kurtis were still a new concept then. We ring the bell, she opens the door, even as we are stepping inside, she says, "Oh you are wearing jeans.. I thought you would at least dress up for the party." I was so taken aback. More so, as she was quite some years younger than me. I didn't feel like explaining that we were dealing with infertility and period had started, and cramps, and jeans felt the most comfortable thing to wear oddly enough.

    This was years ago .. but her remark and complaining tone are fresh in my head. That friendship died a natural death soon enough. We used to run into each other at mutual friends' places. I never entertained any analysis of why I had stopped keeping in touch.
     
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