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Never Before Faced It :(

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by srajitha, Jan 5, 2019.

  1. srajitha

    srajitha Silver IL'ite

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    to start with my DH use to and is still cheating on me , he says he never but I have see his nude pics ,erotic , erect ,climaxed pics sent to other women , there erotic chats , close pics with almost every other women he meets , he wants them to call him Bava , I was tired of asking him about all these coz I use to get a response that they r just friends and nothing more , just for timepass. Once I caught him kissing a gal in my house when I was in the house , when I asked him he said I was imagining and he was actually not kissing her but showing her something on the tp. I am tired of asking him to be faithful , love only me , care for me. The thing is he does care for me but he also cares for his other gals which hurts me a lot , he doesn't tell me where is goes , when he would come , he just keeps me waiting , I beats me badly when questioned , to cut long story short , I got fedup , I cant leave him coz I have kids and worried about there future , what society would think.
    So , I started diverting my mind did various things to keep myself occupied but sometimes things went out of hand, fights use to be common , once came across this guy , he is good & married We use to spend very less time together yet I use to feel good. We got along well and fell in love, my DH came to know about this he felt bad but again didn't understand why I fell for him. He abused me when things went out of hand I called my parents and unfortunately my DH started beating me infront of them , parents couldn't bare all these and got me out of house , DH came back and begged me cried and wanted me back. I am in a dilemma , I love DH ,I love this other guy too but not as much as DH , this other guys wife knows about us and she surprisingly is fine with all these. this other guy has stopped talking to me , we are not in talking terms but whenever we come across each other there is this sad feeling.
    I know it is wrong to have an extramaritial relationship I never wanted to be in that kind of relation but my bad I ended up in one of them, that relation is over now but that sad feeling is making me cry.
     
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  2. Sophiebaggio

    Sophiebaggio Senior IL'ite

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    Dear srajitha,
    I understand your feelings. Try to stop confusing yourself. I am not advising you..I am just imagining myself in such situation and telling you what I would do in such a situation.
    First of all you told 1.you love your DH more than the other guy..2.your DH came back and begged you to be with him.3.you want to be with your DH becoz of your kids
    I would suggest you and your DH meet a good psychologist..who can advice you both on how to resolve this issue.
    May be your DH has a desire for multiple partners.You can ask the psychiatrist if that behaviour can be changed. This looks like a complex problem..and not everyone can advice on it.Seek proper help soon.. Hope life gets better for you very soon. Be strong dear!
     
  3. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP, You have every reason to divorce your husband- cheating, emotional and physical abuse etc.. This atmosphere is not good for kids.

    By your EMA, you have degraded yourself to his low level. Good that you realized your mistake. You know the pain your dh created by his affairs. But you also cheated another innocent wife and her kids.

    But both of you dont want divorce for kids? - what are you teaching your kids? Ema is ok? Poor kids. If you are not happy you can't make anyone happy including your kids.


    "DH came back and begged me cried and wanted me back"- for what? to continue the same cheating again behind your back?

    This is the time you need to be strong. Tell him you are contemplating separation or divorce as you dont want to be cheated again or go back to that filthy life with him. If he want you or kids back, he need to go to counseling or therapy. Tell him you are also ready for couple counseling. You will go back to him only if accept his mistake and treat himself by going to a therapist to come out if it. If he proves that he can lead a normal life only then you can join him.

    Tell him that you love him but you dont want to be cheated again and inform him that you are really remorseful of what you did. But go for a temporary separation till both of you heal and ready to restart a new life again. But he needs to prove that he is ready for it. Marriage work only when both of you work. Ask him what he want- is he creating a good role for his kids?what advice both of you give to your kids if they face similar situation in future?just imagine...

    I can imagine that it's not a good situation to be in . I really wonder how you can still love him. You both deserve a good life. But if you dont work as a team, this married life is not going to work. Consider it's as your second marriage with him ,if he proves that he can get rid of his bad addiction and can be a loyal husband to you. Till then dont go back, as he will continue the same. Any change to correct his bahaviour should come from him. It's your life your choice and your decision. You need to completely remove the other guy from your life. Damage is done, but both of you need to heal before a fresh start, I believe.

    Are you financially independent?. Use this opportunity in a smart way if you want to give another chance to this marriage. But you need to set the boundaries and stick with it.

    If there is love and respect, there will not be any cheating. So I dont understand what you guys meant by love. Anyway, good luck.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2019
  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    He is cheating, beating you.
    Divorce this moron.
    Living and fighting with him will damage kids more
     
    anika987 likes this.
  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Get a job
    Save his infidelity pictures.
    Next time, he beats you, call police
     
    anika987 likes this.
  6. AppuMom

    AppuMom Silver IL'ite

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    you ,your husband and kids are totally in a messed up situation ..sorry to say this.But be realistic and take charge of your life.You and H needs to sit and talk about past,present and future.If this is not happening check if both of you can talk in the presence of a counselor.Whatever decisions you are taking its very important to know what went wrong or what is going wrong.
    Detach yourself from the other person .You are knowingly destroying someone else's married life.
    Check if yours or your husband's family can involve to solve the issues(not advisable if they are not supportive).
    You need to take time and calm your mind before taking any decisions.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  7. srajitha

    srajitha Silver IL'ite

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    thank you friends for replying to me
    yesterday this other guys wife called me and was asking me why we are not talking to each other , I told her its good for both of us, she said he is thinking about me , he is very sad and all the heart breaking things , she also started talking out her pain , she is clearly not okay with call these but somehow making her mind , I felt very bad for hurting her and was asking me to leave DH and come to them ,
    Practically speaking it not correct as it will create even more issues.
    They both are getting back to normal , I am such a bad person for spoiling another women's mind.
    With DH yes I have clearly told him how I am feeling about things around , if he still continues its his wish but I will not care.
    I am financially very independent, but I am in this old fashioned mind not to leave DH , what will society say , what will my kids say , I know I shouldn't worry about all these but I am trying hard to make up my mind.
     
  8. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    communal living, where everyone is in love with everyone else ?
    When people are la-di-dah about pregnancies, and what to do with the progeny (sell them to the gypsies?), a communal living would be just great. Just Go for that, and post the results on this rorum.
     
    anika987 and shravs3 like this.
  9. beautyfull

    beautyfull New IL'ite

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    OP,
    Both of you made the mistake. Please go to seek professional help and see if things improve. If not then better to separate. Hope things work out for the best.
     
    Sophiebaggio likes this.
  10. srajitha

    srajitha Silver IL'ite

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    friends , I know I have screwed my life
    yesterday while we were having family time (me DH and kids) I have noticed DH constantly updating his GF about what is going on either on call or chat , I got offended , and questions him its not going to work , its family time and he must understand things , for that he got angry said I cant control his life and arguments continued at the end he hit me tore my clothes , make me naked , not even inner made me sit in the cold at 12:30 night and infront of my kids , kicked me , throwed me did everything he could , when I retaliated called me bad words bitch and all, gave me one cloth to cover myself …. sorry guys tears are rolling out thinking of all these … throwed me on bed and was pinching and hitting my parts... I am lost friends .. I want to leave him I told him to leave me I cant take this but he is not listening he says he loves me that's why all these.
    I am broken , not able to concentrate on my work , my kids my house.
     

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