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Need Your In Understanding My Situation

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rose03, Jul 13, 2020.

  1. Rose03

    Rose03 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi

    I am back again , I really need some expert advice . I am taking myself so seriously and taking everything ( financial , kid and family all on my shoulders ) and today gods grace I moved to different country along with my daughter . And this lock down made our Long distAnce relationship even worse and on good side , made me stronger to lead a life without husband . Yes I am like single parent ( of course even before ) , he used to play blame game and travel and leaving everything on me .
    I am literally crying now , I don’t know he alway says all my fault and my family fault . I don’t want men to do cooking for woman ( wife ) but I can’t deal with men who manipulates every moment. I have been living in this manipulative world for the last 7 years and was depressed and lost focus on anything and no confidence where I was so confident before marriage .

    He is 9th fail and I am topper I’m engg and they cheated me saying he did MCA and live abroad . He didn’t share also , even after I asked ( I didn’t want to ask also because I thought it hurts him and like everybody marriage happened and now to live ) and his job is different and they are poor ( is not what portrayed to us ) , my family also never asked them untill recently ( my brother asked )
    What woman and family should go through ? Is it papam to be born as a woman and giving birth to girl , where parents should suffer a lot if we get he people like them in name arranged marriage .

    This guy never wants to take care of responsibility, he knows I will do , he says he does not know and busy at work , teaching kid he does jot , he says he is good sports ( does he do that part ) no he says I am busy .

    I think he is very selfish , if I buy cloths ( he will say ahh u bought new cloths , buy buy you have money ) , he is already attending very expensive ( pay around 300$:month ) and i hired some online fitness expert paying 8k and he wanted to join that guy as wel .

    and I left the country and came to another country joining gym and he joined similar gym back in that country .

    is he competing with me ? I never seen men like him .

    if I buy gold ornament , u know what he says ( ahh it’s been 2 years since we bought this chain ( I bought it for him) , I have to change ) I was awestruck and cried inside what a character he is ?

    he has sisters ( they are gold frantic , buy a lot ) and before marriage he had a chain and which his family made necklace for his mom out of that . Otherwise he had nothing .

    he does not send us single pennynow and even before , to the groceries and house management , I used to take care of everything . Today he lives happily in 2 bedroom apartment and not even subletted . If I ask it was planned before and why u didn’t do it ? He says not sure if your work make you come back . Ok but then how will one person living alone in big house paying so much rent .

    U know whenever I ask him what he was spending for us , he used to tell me , I am paying house rent and you living here because of me . Today it really prove that he was not spending extra penny for us , atleast before I hired a helper and groceries , supported him

    I feel like killing myself and my daughter thinking how long I should suffer like this , I remember after marriage whole family (extended family ) played blame game on me , where untill marriage saying I am good looking and just the day after marriage started saying does anybody say you are good looking in the marriage .

    This guy whenever we fight I obviously scold his family the way tortured me and cheated me , should we not scold them ? He records my conversations and has cctv camera ( says he wants to know what helper does at home ) does anybody look at when your family member at home ? He did it Every time I was at home and my mother or brother or sisters came to visit or rather take care of my daughter .

    I just can’t take it anymore . I still didn’t understand his behaviour well .
     
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  2. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    What's the use of having him in your life?

    Is he a good father, provider or husband ?

    "I feel like killing myself and mydaughter thinking how long I should suffer like this"

    Instead of thinking like this, kick him out of your life and lead a peaceful life.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2020
    SCA, shama146, startinganew and 3 others like this.
  3. drdiva

    drdiva New IL'ite

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    If u have moved to another country with ur daughter its easier to forget this good for nothing person. Be strong and live this beautiful life with ur daughter peacefully..The way u have been cheated and his behaviour after marriage is a gud reason to get rid of this person and emotional trauma he has given u..Move on with ur life and daughter..God bless..
    .
     
  4. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    This is not a marriage OP. It shouldn't be like this. Do you think if you can reconcile with your husband? If not, why waste your life on worries and fights?
     
  5. AppuMom

    AppuMom Silver IL'ite

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    Your marriage started with a lie..Alas ..its not a marriage.period.You are enabling him to abuse you emotionally,financially.Cut all the money you are sending to him and tell him you are no longer interested in this toxic relationship.I dont advice anyone to end marriage.But you are better off without the parasite like your husband.If he really want to be in this relationship,set out your rules before him and see.
     
  6. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    This guy lied before marriage about education and job still u married him. He hits you and still you are not divorcing him. Now are in different country with job and daughter still you are asking people what to do?
     
  7. mohini16

    mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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    My marriage (2nd one, yes) was based on lies, guy thought I wouldn't dare to walk away, I left that F* in 1.5 months when I got to know all lies, I was pregnant and I kept baby, yes!
    Your mistake was to continue marriage with abusive husband,
    He has inferiority complex,
    Do your self favor now, if you are financially independent file for divorce.
    Dont worry about future too much, everything will fall in place eventually.
    Goodluck
     
    CuteCancer and AppuMom like this.

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