Need to know urgently

sunkan · Sep 4, 2007

dear sravanthi,
a very thought provoking article, and it was nice of mr sri to present his version, otherwise we woman keep wondering what they do all the time in our life and as for me, my hubby was in kolkata during the best years of my life where i used to miss him for many things like organising stuff,cannot call friends over,parental meetings, attending weddings, festivals, birthdays, have all passed away me playing proxy for him, and the responsibility of the kids, i forgot i was a wife but more a mother, i had my moments of fun, going to movies, usually alone because my mom was not very keen on hindi movies, and most theatre owners knew i am a loner so a corner seat for me, to get away incase i find it uneasy sitting there, they also ensured some lady sat next to me, that is a very great bonus, but other wise i made the best use of mother hood, which i enjoy more, and when he did come and join it was a lot trouble some to adjust later after a long gap, but adjust i did ...sunkan

roopadadia · Sep 4, 2007

Hi Sravanti,

Don't worry much with the wise cracks of your husband's friends.

I have been married for over 13 yrs, my husband dosen't travel much but yes he does have to go for a week once in 2 months. We talk daily once in the morning with & once in the evening.

I am sure that if you & your husband are giving enough space to each other and not nagging all the time then there is no chance that he will go out of the way and do something foolish.

If possible talk to your husband 2-3 times a day and don't start probing assure him that everything is fine just say i miss you and waiting for you to be back home.

This works wonders. For me i don't have to worry much as touchwood my husband is a tee toteller and the places where he has to go on official visits he stays with the relatives there or even he put up at the hotel, the relatives keep calling him to find out if he is comfortable or not.

Shak ke bina pe aap apni zindagi mein zahar mat gholiye...hanste hanste apne pati ko tour pe bida kijiye aur din mein 2-3 bar baat kariye.

If you have a kid then tell the kid to call up and say he/she miss him very much.

Warm regards
Roopa.

Sravanthi28 · Sep 4, 2007

Hi,
I should thank each & everybody here who have given their valuble experiences. Though i am very sure that my hubby do miss me when i am away from home , remarks made by few people always turned me a suspicous person. I indeed forgot that there are few male members too in this community, thanks a lot Mr Sri, you have pointed out exactly the relief which i needed. My husband too makes numerous calls to me everyday & he rushes to the railway station to receive me. When i first catch him in the railway station waiting for me, I could see the same spark in his eyes that he has when we were in the intial days of our courtship.
I never discussed this topic with any married woman in my family & i have very few friends who are married.

Sravanthi

Shanvy · Sep 4, 2007

Dear sravanthi,

I think all these people who have replied have given you a fair idea to keep your mind at rest.

but one simple advice... believe your husband. the moment you tend to become suspicuous your marriage goes a downward move and makes you doubt every single move/word. because trust is one thing you have to cultivate..

A piece of advice from a experience person, whose husband is away and comes in only once a year ...me.

Sravanthi28 · Sep 4, 2007

Dear Shanvy,
Thanks a ton for your advise. I lost my words when i read that your husband stays away & visits home only once in a year, i really appreciate your sincerity, patience and your contribution to your realtionship. Not every woman can live life in such a graceful manner without getting mad. Its great that you are able to manage your life as well as giving an advise to people like me who always get irritated even for silly reasons.

"People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be"
This is the quote given by Abraham Lincoln.

I now truly understand its depth.
thank you,
Sravanthi

Vysan · Sep 4, 2007

Sravanthi28 said: ↑

Hi,
I should thank each & everybody here who have given their valuble experiences. Though i am very sure that my hubby do miss me when i am away from home , remarks made by few people always turned me a suspicous person. I indeed forgot that there are few male members too in this community, thanks a lot Mr Sri, you have pointed out exactly the relief which i needed. My husband too makes numerous calls to me everyday & he rushes to the railway station to receive me. When i first catch him in the railway station waiting for me, I could see the same spark in his eyes that he has when we were in the intial days of our courtship.
I never discussed this topic with any married woman in my family & i have very few friends who are married.

Sravanthi
Click to expand...

Hi

Lot of people have told their views, experiences.... So nothing more to add on...

Only thing which i want to add is .... Good relationship lies in Trust for each other... Suspicion is like a pest... If you allow that to enter..... It will kill the relationship...... I always tell my wife..... You can argue/fight.... whatever.... But dont ever suspect .... Faithfully she follows.... that also makes me to be truthful.....

If your wife is far away, with advent of mobile phones the telephone bills goes for a good six...

My 2 bit experience...

Veda

Sindhuja · Sep 4, 2007

cheeniya said: ↑

Dear Sravanthi
Men congratulate each other whenever the wife goes on vacation. I remember how the Tamil comedian Janakaraj bids adieu to his wife and after making sure his wife boarded the bus lets out a yell 'En pondatti oorukku poitta!' (My wife has gone out of town)! But his joy lasts only for a moment as his wife lands back within a few minutes!

I dont know what happens to a woman when her hubby goes on a long trip or for that matter even a short trip. But I can tell you that it is for NO sinister reason that a man feels happy if he gets a small interlude from his family life. If you imagine that remarks like, 'You may not get this again, enjoy' etc are loaded ones, let me assure you that they are purely good-natured ones and not tantamount to suggesting anything illegal or immoral!

I have been away from my family for pretty long streches in my early days either due to my having to go on tour or my wife going to spend a month or so with her parents. The joy of that separation used to be mutual though for different reasons. I did use to feel liberated initially as basically it meant that I did not have to apportion my time between family and professional chores as well as my own personal pursuits like reading and listening to music. In the bargain, I always got less than my due share to pursue my own interests.

The first two or three days would be spent in clubs with friends without having to follow a rigid time schedule. The freedom to draw our own schedules for the day always gave a huge sense of freedom.

The joy of course would last only for the first few days. Then slowly it would start getting on our nerves as we made our own morning cuppa or left with no other choice for breakfast other than some toasted bread and cereals. It starts as physical discomfort initially which grows more and more emotional as the days drag on. Damn it, I miss her, we admit to ourselves reluctantly.

Then we send her a mail enquiring if she could come back earlier! And of course you dont have to rush back, we assure her but she gets the meaning alright and grins to herself.

Finally, the night before her arrival, we are as excited as a newly married man. We are present at the station an hour before the arrival of the train but the damn train is a couple of hours late! How we spend the time in the station for those three hours would be like doing virtual penance! And finally when the train arrives and she emerges out of the train as radiantly as ever (in spite of the long train journey), a grin connects our two ears!
oh, Sravanthi. These are indeed joys of life. Dont miss out on them by asking yourself unnecessary questions!
Sri
Click to expand...

Cheeniya sir,
Wonderful explanations!

WELLWISHER · Sep 4, 2007

Dear friend,

Although I have not been in your situation, I can defintely try to offer some words that I hope would help. Firstly, you need to answer to yourself if you really love your hubby and if so do you really trust him. Trust is a very important factor in a marriage. Do you have any reason at all to believe that he is doing something without your presence? If not then don't unnessarily stress your self out if you have no reason to. Marraige is a two way relationship and if you really love him, then trust that he has gone for work and not doing anything else behind your back. People are probably just teasing him but that maybe all it is... teasing. I have seen many husbands who travel for a job, but if you know that he loves you and cares about you and will do anything for you then you have no reason to fear. If you and ur hubby have a solid foundation, then take a deep breadth, relax and say to urself that you are going to keep doing your part as being a wife and keep making the relationship stronger and get rid of negative thoughts.... that can hurt a marriage . Not all husbands are the same way and your is probably not either. Give him the benefit of doubt... and stop being so skeptical unless you really have a reason to.

Smile and don't worry.

your WELLWISHER:wave

veenapoo · Sep 7, 2007

Hello,
this indeed is a nice topic.
Missing some one happens only when you love that person or are compatible to an extent. I agree that nobody is 100% compatible.
Here is my view-
My hubby used to come home rarely from office, alwas doing overtime to earn more- his father urging him to do just that. My pleas to him to be home atleast on Sundays (without doing OT as I was also working) fell on deaf ears. Emotionally also we were not binded- he was always with his parents even when he was home and gave me the minimum attention. So I trained myself to that lonely life (I was not included in the talks or discussions in the family ). When I went to my mother's place, I never missed him. After all, he was not there for me in the first place that I should miss him.
Once my son was born, actually as soon as I knew I have conceived, I began talking to him and getting bonding with him. Then also, hubby was busy with parents and neglected both of us.
Now with his parents out of this world and his brothers estranged from him, he has nobody except us. But we two have bonded so well that we don't miss him. We can take care of ourselves better emotionally without him and enjoy each other's company too. When he is home, it is invariably a tension filled time. we cannot be ourselves, he will start to find fault in one thing or other and hurt us by his very harsh and bad language. We even eat once he leaves for work so that we can eat peacefully.
When he is in the mood, he tries to love us too much and that too becomes a problem. After this 20 long years, now he cannot live without me -who else is there to take his anger?

Sravanthi28 · Sep 7, 2007

Hi WellWisher,
I am very much in love with my husband & i trust him comletely. But the remarks such as " enjoying bachelorhood again" are heard not only in my case but many others as well. It surely doesn't meant that evey husband is cheating at the back of his wife. so, i simply have the doubt that why only in wives case and not in husbands case.

Sravanthi