need tips on how to deal with mil

Hi Ladies,
After long time going to india, avoided india trip due to inlaws.
now we have to go..

mil would act sweetly in front of dh and relatives, when alone with me she always comments on my color ( dark) and how fair my sil is. even though my mom gives all the dowry related stuff really good ones she complains to me. mil's mom who is very old told me they are good quality but mil always have to comment and she will tell all relatives that my mom gave nothing.
the worst part is dh will keep quiet for all this.

she will not let me go shopping. she will always ruin our plans. she will only book tickets for movies and force us to go and then invite all relatives on that day.her point is to show all relatives that she is a good mil and i am a bad dil.

for food, mil and i eat last and she will just keep 1 roti or little rice which is not enough. how to deal with it? i have told dh to help me becos i cannot starve.
they will only pack our suitcases just to see what all we bought and we are taking to US.
she will always comment about the gifts we bought only infront of me and not with dh. whatever gifts we take for her relatives she will not give to them, which i realized only after 10 yrs.

I need some tips, ideas on how to deal mil and dh . becos with all her drama i become emotional vent out to dh and he gets annoyed. so i keep telling myself i need to be calm, but easier said than done.

Thanks!

 

Thanks Janki and sorry about ur situation. i hope it gets better.
i hope dh talks something this trip. he is also upset with his mom but will never talk anything to her.neither support me. i have made plans so far, hoping dh will not ruin it.
hoping he will not tell my plans to mil, if she knows her mission is to ruin my plans. lets see. just the whole trip make me nervous.

 

Thankyou mimi.
Last trip took snacks only for kids, now have to take double for my self too
dh wouldn't even go out with me alone when we r there, he will be behind his momma. grrrr!
the few days we will be in village will be difficult as can't go out to eat and or pack lots of snacks.
when we come back to city then i am hoping to eat out often and she can eat all that she cooked.
she would cook too spicy which dh wont eat and then make a fuss. dh is annoyed with her behaviour becos they all know dh can't handle spicy food. but still she cooks and dh would be quiet.
i just have to be happy and show her that too. thanks!

 

Shreya:
>>>Either don't react to any her comments or make a humorous/sarcastic counter comment. (eg: "Yes, it is very important to be fair. So many universities have reserved seats for fair people. Jobs have the the basic requirement that the candidate should be fair." or something like this. )<<<

Thats a good one! never thought of it. the problem is never had any such situations in my life until i got married.and dont know how to give such comments. very poor in that.
after marriage immediatly we came to US. then next trip i went alone and it was SHOCK! came to know her true colors. next we went after 1st kid and lots of drama that time too. that time dh was not cooperative. so this trip hoping i have the courage to face it all.
thanks for all the tips. i just have to remember how to act smart and not get nervous and scared.

for food, the few days we are in her house she will try to cook either spicy or get food from outside (becos outside food doesn't suit me and dh, she gets it from local stores and not good hotel) i ate fruits, milk etc. when we r in native village with relatives she will make sure i eat last when most of the food is over.i did tell once that a fav dish was over and couldn't taste. she will smile and go. dh also ignores. atleast he can take care right, that is also very annoying.then he complained that i am fussy. dh says for few days in india adjust.
mil would comment sweetly saying that i am too thin and i dont eat a lot, so she miscalculated the servings. she is sooo smart and handles it very cleverly. i am no match for her.even dh cannot talk to her as they manipulate very well. no other relatives will get doubt.
we are in usa and not much contact with other relatives, so she says what she wants. i dont care what she says but just her behaviour and the way she treats me.
for the past 10 yrs my mom was also saying adjust and go. but i guess i can't anymore. if not mil would go and make a scene with my side relatives and mom will be upset. thats why had to adjust past years, but even after adjusting still she comments to my side relatives.which my mom is upset and she thinks i didn't adjust. so double sided sword.

 

I dont like to waste money, no matter whose it is, so mil uses that very well. she knew we wont waste the movie ticket. dh also doesn't waste money. but none of these ideas strike, i was stressed out.

i didn't know that mil will not give gifts to her relatives. i realized during my second trip only that she kept all the gifts and at that time dh told dont ask and dont bring up all the old issues.mil will be upset and rest of our stay will be spoiled. so kept quiet.
for this trip dh itself saying no need to take gifts for any relatives, only for inlaws and sil.
so i am just wondering what to do. but planning to call all relatives and visit all of them. last time mil didn't let us visit relatives. i am sure she would have put the blame on us.the other problem is dh is not close with any relatives, becos of all this drama he ignores all. he prefers to stay in US and avoid all. when we visit he is sweet to all and forgets after we come back. i cannot be like that.