hello All, I have been reading IL for a while and find this to be an excellent resource with some really amazing women. I have been to therapy..but still I feel advise that is given here might be better Anyways, here's my story.. I got married about 5 years ago, it was an arranged marriage...I am very smart and highly educated ..(sorry for the self-praise)..and average looking. My parents had been looking for matches for a while and nothing was working out..so there was some pressure to get married.. I really liked my husband when I met him..we only met once but chatted a lot..I really liked his parents too..However, marriage turned out to be a series of disappointments and continues to remain a struggle for me. My husband is a nice guy...but he lacks drive, social skills and is not "full of life" like I would have wanted in my life-partner. This might sound egoistical...but I constantly feel like I am doing all the thinking in this marriage. Added to that my mother-in-law turned out to be very emotionally unstable and makde my life hell for the inital couple of years. Things are ok with my in-laws now though. But I was put through a lot of torture with my husband not standing by me and it still feels like a nightmare. We separated for a month a year ago, but my husband came back and said that he did love me. This needs a separte post of its own..but never mind..things are ok now. I am still stuggling day to day with my husband now though. He is a very nice guy and has started being very helpful in the house tasks ever since he came back..when I am sick he does everything for me. he tells me he loves me everyday..and we do in a way. I love him too and can't see him sad or in pain. However, the following things bother me day to day and prevent me from being happy : 1. My husband is not proactive - I feel like if I don't drive things like buying a car, cleaning the house, going out with friends..our live will be at a standstill. Its exhasuting to be the "manager" always..I don't trust hi m to "get things done" till I pester him - and naturalyl, pestering leads to fights. 2. I have always had a great friend circle and believe in socializing and having fun. Even without friends..I am more outgoing - like to try new things..have lots of hobbies etc. My husband on the other hand is bad at keeping in touch with his one or two friends, his relatives etc. He does not seem to need any social interaction. he is happy to go to work, come home and watch TV. He does like going to the gym though. When I do organize outings..he does his best to participate though. But he does not "connect" with any of our friends and I feel like the organizer always. He is a very likeable guy , but even when my friends' husbands show an interest in forming a deeper friendship with him, his response is so lukewarm that interest eventually fades. All he has is formal friendships. As a result, I long for deeper relations with other couples and miss taht aspecta nd feel lonely. 3. In oru careers also, I feel I am much smarter. He seems overwhelmed, lacks good communication skills and always feels like he is being pciked on. I advise him to be cool and relaxed, after all we dhould enjoy our work also...but he is not so happy at work either. His managers constantly criticize him for lack of leadership, initiative (which is excatly my issue with him) - but he does not do anything to change it. He jsut thinks that if he works harder things will happen. But in our workplace, interacting well with others and communicating your ideas is as important as working hard. here aalso I feel like I am always teh "advisor". These might seem like petty problems, but they prevent us from having a great relationship. I am constantly looking at his lack of initiative and am rude to him about it..I feel tired of being the one to make things happen.. But this is not a reason for divorce right? I want to find my happy place in this marriage..I know that marriage means givign each other space and accepting your spouse as they are..but I miserably fail to apply this philosophy..it is so hard...Can someone please help me!!