Need Of Formalities In Marriage Life

I went through what you are going through presently
Itseems My grand mom use to say to boys side , if they ask anything
We don't have those customs - sorry
Just ignore , don't pay attention
Don't take it to heart,
If your husband don't support you ,
Start giving your MIL
Witty back answers and be extra nice to them in front of your husband
Play dumb when your Mil talks about any
Customs that you need to follow
Trust me things will get better

 

Actually the bitter truth is, even if the boy's parents are quite without asking for any gifts, their relatives keep asking them as to what the DIL has brought home. This leads to expectations even from genuine parents because it becomes a status problem.
Only time can change these. With more demand for brides and girls being educated and working these days, slowly the custom should diminish. But I doubt if there will be complete removal of these customs.

But as you say, it is difficult to develop bonding with the in-laws family when we know they are demanding. The only solution for all these is to develop a strong bond with the husband.

 

I agree with you these incidents makes us bitter in long run.. In my side also there are customs for sending sweets to every festival to grooms family before and after wedding... In my family if they follow ..it's ok if not no one ask for sending it to my Sil's family but my mil used to ask my parents to send them money for ritual since they are far away from their home and even after getting money she never distribute in relatives. She ask me to ask my parents to send money for my udyapan of some fast.. I never seen this in my family .. If I am doing fasting for your son why should my parents pay for udyapan. Initially my relation with pil's were good and cordial but constant these things make them unpleasant to me. Every time I got to know such things from my family I was so shameful.my husband is earning well and these people behaves in this manner. For them there is no such rule .. I always went back my home empty handed .. Mil can not send some sweets too. So some time back I ask my family to ask me before sending them anything. Now when I am pregnant mil called my parents and asked to send stuff for me and baby which my family don't follow .. So they told that we dont follow such custom.. I am relieved after years.. This thing made her furious I got clue from DH. The thing is that she don't even inform us before askinhg something at my family... When she told DH that they said no to send anything he got furious over her and asked her follow herself her ritual... I was happy.

 

If I tell something very normal to mil everything keep coming to DH with some extra masala in it .. A very simple example she complained me to not calling her and I knew that DH talked to her recently 2-3 days back so I told her DH had been talking to you so you are getting our well being anyways for this thing she told DH that I told her that DH called her from office daily... This is a very small example about general reply to her for something .. It's hard to deal with in laws anyway.

 

Character, Attitude, Values. These are different from degree, work position and salary.
He makes good money but the former is lacking.

 

Dear @sanarthi , your in-laws are greedy people, custom or no custom ! In different parts of India we have similar customs i.e. daughter and son-in-law visiting brides place for major festivals and being sent back with gifts.

 

This is where the self respect, pride and the character of H should come. Being a man is completely different, it's irrespective of education, financial situation or job.

I do not blame MIL or relatives here, because they are from a generation back. It is 100% H's fault. He should behave like a man and oppose these customs of looting his wife's parents. If he is a real man -

Can't he bear his own child's expenses, it is his child, he should be proud to pay the delivery cost of his own child. Why his wife's parents has to gift gold chain or ear rings etc. Can't he buy a gold chain/ear rings for his own child? If grand parents are giving those gifts out of love, that's a different thing, but they should not be forced in the name of customs. He produces kids and the wife's parents become victims for this.

I don't think these customs are for good. These are completely useless and made by selfish people.

 

@sanarthi, Are you from Sivakasi???....

I know a girl who got married to a sivakasi boy. MIL was so rude that she left parents of the girl in guilty on the first day itself asking for 'seethanam'.

Similarly, the got all her gold and locked it. During seemantham, she was waiting till last minute of the function to wear her ornaments. After seemantham, she was taken to parents place and her DH came along with MIL to get the gold back though the day was auspicious.