Need Help .. again :(

asuitablegirl · Jul 10, 2010

Sushma,

First thing your sister has to consider is preservation of her life. That means whether her life is here in US or back in India... the first priority needs to be staying safe and living a normal sane life.

Your sis's lawyer is right, her husband is NOT sorry. Because your sis did not bow down to his demands, he's angry and it's causing his true colors to come out. It takes a lot of nerve to stand in court claiming you had full right to beat your wife. Hope now your sis see's exactly what a scum bag she is married to. He is DISGUSTING.

She needs to think where she can support herself best... in US or India. Also she should think where she has the best emotional support system. If she wants to stay in US, she'd need to find a job. But if she can't, I think she should accept that this is the reality of her life at the current moment, and return to India and think of Plan B. About her husband being able to kick her out of the house, she needs to ask her lawyer about that.

Life works it's way out. If not the US, then India, or who knows where life may lead her next. The point is, encourage her to keep moving forward. Even when she can't see the path ahead or where it's taking her, keep moving forward. Tell her to take one day, one step at a time. Tell her to try to establish herself in the US, and if that's not possible, consider building her life in India. No use in getting over panicked. Destiny takes us where it wills.

SriVidya75 · Jul 10, 2010

Sushma

in which city is your sister located? there are some DV shelters available free of cost and they would give such helpless women a free attorney and also they would show a job temporarily. till then she can stayin that shelter and support herself until this case is over.

Also he cant change his plea in court just like that..i.e pleading guilty once and saying not guilty the other time..it wont work that way...however if he wants to drag the case too much it would cost him more than what it would cost your sister. So ask her to immediately pack her bags, take important documents and move to the DV shelter and ask for help. She has to be vocal i.e open her mouth and ask for help.

Also tell your sister that US is not the ONLY final destination for her. Even if she has to go back to India, she can apply for a work visa and come back or else meanwhile when she is in the shelter she can search for H1 employers and ask them to file for H1. All this needs lot of planning, research and step by step process. Ask her not to expect things would happen over night. Everything has its own process and it takes time.

If she wants to file for divorce, this is the best time. Let her file for divorce and ask for alimony as she is on H4 she would get that support. Also the moment divorce happens she would be out of status so either she can file H1 while hte court proceedings are going on...or she can wait till divorce is granted and alimony is decided. go back to India, apply for H1 and come back again. She wont have any problems coming back to USA. so why this doubt whether she would be allowed to enter into the country or not?

Ask her to first handle the problems in hand, instead of planning to handle her whole future life at once. She has to take one step at a time.

chocolate · Jul 10, 2010

somewhere in May, he pleaded guilty. But since my sister didnot accept SIL staying with her for SIL's US trip, today, in their next hearing BIL has not pleaded as guilty.

Sushma,Your BIL cant change his statement.If its the same case next hearing,its called perjury. He can be in serious trouble if he does that.

he has all rights to do that.

He is being pig headed talking like that. DV is a serious offence. Its deportable too. Here the law is strict against DV. Its us who dont approach the court for such issues.

she fears that the court can send a summon on BIL's request to vacate the house in which she is staying currently, and she will have no place to live, as we dont have our relatives.

Does your sister have a public attorney for herself. The court usually provides the victim with that.If she does than she needs to request the court that she stay in the house.Also she needs to request the court that your BIL provide her for her stay until September.She cant leave the country until September and her being on dependent visa your BIL needs to provide for her. It is done .

I will say she needs to file divorce immediately if he refuses to provide for her. That will help becoz then he is legally bound to pay for her stay here.

I will also suggest she find some DV shelters in the city where she stays.

Note:
I know all this becoz I too had a DV case filed in the past against my husband.If you need any help,do post here. She needs your support and I suggest you people reassure here constantly.Good Luck.

sushmamohapatra · Jul 10, 2010

Thank you ASG, Srividya and Chocolate for prompt replies. Your helping hands itself is a relief for me to listen and advise my sister, as my parents are now old and they would not be able to take this mayb strongly this time. Me and my younger sister are supporting strongly to both my parents and elder sister to overcome this abusive relation with little peace and less of hurt.

@ASG
She was once ready to come back to India, and didnot want to go her inlaws, but then her inlaws started torchuring that they would come to my parents place and create an issue and then call my uncles and speak to them to get the divorce done. My parents live in a small town, where these things spread like fire. Seeing the situation which was at the first time, ppl simply discarded my parents from social gatherings, marraiges or anything because of her divorce case. If this issue is out again in my hometown, then my parents again will be facing the same issues, which got little better since few years after she got married to this guys. With that fear she just dropped the plan to come to India. She wants to stay back in US, wanted to further do her PhD, where she was trying to give entrances, but BIL always fought with her, taunted her of spending HIS EARNED money, wanted or rather forced her to do all household chores ALONE ..247. And also should not utter a word if it pains! I advised her to take up GRE and search for a job as well until September, so that if she has to come back incase if BIL has not extended her H4, then she has something to lookup at that time. If H4 is not extended, she as it is has to come back to India.

@Srividya,
My sister is currently in Boston. She already has spoken to one or two DV shelters there, and they seeing the situation has asked to checkout for the place that they are offering to put up. Also, as I mentioned earlier, she wants to file a divorce as this kind of mental and emotional torchure is just not bearable for her after this point and she is not seeing any hope of BIL showing any improvments. But she cannot demand alimony, as she has not completed 5yrs of their marriage. (Not sure) My sister mentioned to me that until a couple completes 5yrs of their marriage, the wife cannot demand alimony as per US rules. They would complete 5yrs in this December 2010. I also asked he if she can ignore him till decmeber and then file a divorce so that she atleast little benefited with alimony, if she wants to live in US and make her life there.

@Chocolate,
"Sushma,Your BIL cant change his statement.If its the same case next hearing,its called perjury. He can be in serious trouble if he does that.
"
My sister was aware about this as her lawyer & counsellor has told my sister these things incase if she wanted to save the marriage, and so she wanted to make him aware about this before the recent hearing. But that egoisttic man didnot even other to talk or listen to her. His laywer must have given him confidence that he can fight a case like this by denial. Now if his lawyer would put all false blames like my sister had an extra marital affairs, or she is charcterless and so he has beaten her these many times, then not sure. She has a public attorney for herself. I have asked the same thing that you mentioned about pleading the court for the stay. Her H4 is going to expire by september. I am not aware about the rules, but is that if the case is open and the H4 visa has expired before the trial, is the H4 dependent supposed to leave the country? I maybe wrong or having incomplete information, but wanted to know what will be the scenario, as this situation might arise in September because we are not sure if BIL has applied for her extension. Is there any way she can stay back if he has not extended the H4 for her?
As mentioned above, as per US rules she needs to complete her 5yrs of marriage to claim for alimony.

If would be a great help if anyone knows a consultant who can file her H1, because to get a job she was asked to get her H1 filed first as the employer is not sponsoring, and if she approached a consultant then they asked her to get a job in hand first to file the H1. She is completely in a fix, as to what to do.

Sushma

sushmamohapatra · Jul 10, 2010

Forgot to mention one thing, my sister's lawyer also told that my BIL knew that he will not be jailed because this being his first 911 complaint and with no past records of any crimial cases / DV. Just becasue his lawyer gave him the confidence that he will not be jailed, he didnot plead quilty this in the court and took the trial date in September.

chocolate · Jul 10, 2010

Sushma, Being Jailed has nothing to do with having a DV case.It will be on his record forever.Its a misdemeanor or felony based on charge.I dont know where your BIL got such a lawyer who is giving such wrong advice.But I think your sister shud opt to change her visa asap. Your BIL is putting his visa in serious trouble and your sister's too. The problem is if your sister leaves the country to get her visa stamped next she will be put thru additional processing and it might take a while.So your sister shud look into other visa options. I can suggest a consulting company from personal experience.

I know its a little daunting but I feel you need to send her some money in case she needs it. She might not need it but having money in such situation can be little comforting. Good Luck.

SriVidya75 · Jul 10, 2010

Sushma

I guess your sister has to consult the right family lawyer (not just criminal/civil lawyer) she has to take a second opinion on all this. As per my knowledge, no. of years doesnt matter (unless its just couple of months) for filing/asking for alimony. She was on a dependant visa all this while she was doing free service for him and now she is left no where...thats the reason why he has to pay alimony...

Also doesnt she have any friends/neighbours? If she can go to immigration portal forums or sulekha classifieds.com or eknazar.com she can find lot of consulting firms, which are offering to do H1B and will also train their consultants. Some of them also offer a free stay for tehir new consultants.

As I said earlier, she has to take one step at a time. If there is time till september for the next court date, she can check the ads on the above websites and call the firms and ask for details and choose someone who is local in Boston so that she can live in a DV shelter and get her H1B done and then move to employers guest house till the time she gets a job. Also meanwhile she can try calling couple of family attorneys (list can be taken from the DV shelter they would also have certified attorneys to suggest on this) reg. alimony etc...

sushmamohapatra · Jul 16, 2010

Sorry could not login to the forum for while.

Thank you Chocolate, Srividya.

My BIL spoke one of their common friends who just went back to US with his family. BIL said those same old things like she doesnt clean the house, she doesnt respect my parents, she doesnt earn etc etc. He also told that friend to ask my sister to dismiss the charges, as he doesnt want to get deported back to india and neither wants to lose his job in US. He said he is scared of even talking to her, as if he gets angry on some topic, my sister will threaten him of 911 again. How mean he could be! He was only talking the things that seemed a problem to his mother and now is a problem to him as well :spin. His parents might be knowing this, but are not approaching us, as earlier as well they ignored my parents from discussing these problems and then BIL ended up in fights with my sister. I had got a wrong info that he pleaded guilty earlier, he had only accepted his mistakes infront of their friends in their social circle who had budged in between when 911 was called. But in this trial, he denied all the charges after consulting his lawyer.

@Chocolate,
You are right, she is scared even to come to india for a while just to be with my parents and talk to her inlaws, becasue there are chances of she getting stuck while returning due to this case. I have been pushing her to checkout something to change her Visa asap. It would be great if you can give me the consultant details. I will ask her to contact them and see how she can get her visa changed. Also, if you could let me know whar will happen if BIL's lawyer is successful in proving that the charges on BIL are false? What will my sister have to do ? Is he supposed to even get some medical reports to prove herself? I am not sure about the US laws,so just want to understand how will this go further now.

@ Srividya,
She has tried these forums, but none of them have replied positively, because they are asking for a job first. And when she is searching a job, the employers ask for the H1 first. So she is kinda stuck with this as well. If she gets a consultant who can sponser her H1, she can get a job easily. But consultants are a bit hesitant. She got a summon from the court today to testify the charges against BIL, in September.

BIL is absly not bothered and not even caring to think that she is left all alone in a unknown country. He has left to meet his sister finally, for which he fought with my sister, than understanding what she wants / means to say. He is acting so weird that its really painful for my sister to handle the situation. Its been almost 6months theses things have taken a ugly turn and things instead of settling are grwoing worst for her. When he was arrested after the 911 complain, he started to be goodie to her and lovy-dovey types. Only for the reason that he wanted to come back home to stay, and again become the same terrible husband. So that his sister can come and stay with them during her US visit. :rant

Now that she is all alone, friends who she thought will be atleast be there for her moral support, have disappeared all of sudden, dont call her, dont meet her. She is completely alone. And on the other hand my BIL is having a gala time living a bachelor's life. shakehead He doesnt reveal his married status to anyone, because he has been asked by his mother not to do so! :hide:

Sushma

sushmamohapatra · Jul 20, 2010

A new thing has come up in recent/last week.

BIl has kept a condition through a friend, that if my sister is dismissing all the charges against him, he will THEN THINK about their marriage, as to give a divorce or continue. And then only he will speak to my sister about their, once the charges are dismissed. He says that he doesnt want to end up again in a 911 complaint because if he shouts angriliy on my sister and abuses her and my family, she will again threaten him of 911.

Have asked my sister not to take back the charges becasue this is he doing only to stay back in US and not to accept his mistakes. He has been telling all their social group ppl that he is not at fault and he has not even touched her, and that my sister is lying becasue she wanted to stay separately. He never wanted to get separated / divorced.

chocolate · Jul 29, 2010

BIl has kept a condition through a friend, that if my sister is dismissing all the charges against him, he will THEN THINK about their marriage, as to give a divorce or continue.

Sushma, Big mistake. Never dismiss the charges. Your BIL is scared and using the same scare tactics on your sister.Besides your sister cant dismiss the case now as its b/n state and your BIL. Once the 911 call is made, the case is automatically b/n State and the Offender.

You mentioned your sister has a job like situation with a university. Where she gets paid for 3 months while she works for 9 months.See if they can turn into a full time job offer for your sister or a contractor. If they can, I can PM you a company where I know a relative of mine worked and has good reviews. Good Luck and do post the latest .

Sorry, I cudnt reply earlier as I stepped away for about a week and had no access to net.