need advice

Hi Neeraja,

As all have said, change your mindset, search for a job and move out of the house. Don't you have any friends till now in around your place find some help from them. You should not have let his friend to stay in the house. Your are hurting yourself by staying with them.
This environment is not good for a child to grow which may hurt his feelings .
Please think about your child's future and take a good decision as soon as possible.

Take care...

Regards,
Rashmi

 

Its very wierd situation. I think you should frankly tell your family and your In laws about your husband and his friend's relationship. So in future if you take any step, they will be aware and won't blame you by not letting them know about their son action earlier. And in the mean time, warn your husband's friend to move out or he should be ready for legal action. And if your husband oppose it , tell him you are trying to save this marriage. If he still doesn't listen and try to hit you. Call the 911, I am sure his friend problem will be atleast get fixed. And if they both are gay, then in that case unfortuntly you can't do much. They can still have their relationship outside the house. But atleast your son don't have to see his father's dirty act. I am sorry to write all this. You have to be strong. Don't think you are alone so you have to be miserble. There are lots of girls sitting alone in every corner of USA. But look around you, there are teenagers girls living alone in this country. Because here law protects women rights. I don't think he will try to divorce you. Because he would know about the alimony he has to pay to wife and child support in this country. Don't go to India and make your child life better here. Good luck.

 

Hi priyuc
sorry but I dont agree .What does she have when she has said that they are seperated physically ,mentally & emmotionally what else is their to hold a marrige ? yes their son but if the husband is not even paying attention to him as neeraja has said why shud not she chuk that name sake husband.
It is clear that he is a having a homos. relation .may be intially he cudnot express himself & get married but as the oppertunity arose he shoed his true colors ,I am sorry to be so blunt but what for neeraja shud accept every day agony watching them & getting ignored.
Nerja if u r aworking lady u can support ur son if not there may be some job u can find & start living seperately atleast u wudnot have to suffer daily watching them. As u wud start earning ur confidence in urself wud rise & there is still life outside ur ? home.

 

dear neerja,so far you have been advised very intellegently,stay calm and take a .decision .keep your and his ffamily informed about his behaviour and your decision.please dont take any more violence from him,call the cops ,your safety is more important.humera.

 

Dear Neeraja,
Sorry to hear about your plight - but please, move on. Do not waste your life, your time, and above all your child's life. You are already seeing the impact of your situation on your child, and do not let it get worse.

Being in the US you have far more 'rights' and help to get on with your life without your husband. Get a job, move out with your son, and seek Vandana's help as she has so gracefully offered. Stand up for your self and for your son. You may not get as much social help in India, so stay back here, get the legal system to help you out, and let your ex-husband lead his own life with his so called partner. Do not try to change him since it sounds like he has made his choice and will not change.

Move out atleast for your son - he has no one but you. Gain strength through prayer and be your son's strength. Believe in yourself and live for yourself and your son; stop being a door mat at your husband's door step. You can do it - just do it!

 

First thing I would suggest is.. Expose them to pressure of Indian society.
If you keep this with urself. No one's life is getting affected except yours.
Let them know what choice they are making and what is its repurcussions.

- just dont suffer alone. Involve parents and In-laws. And discuss with your parents and come at a conclusion for urself. I would say take sometime off your husband. but in the mean time.. Keep everyone in loop. Ur in-laws, his siblings.. So that he get ashamed of his choice.

 

Hi Neerja,
It is your house where u and ur husband and son lives. you either need to put your foot down and shouldnt have allowed a third party enter the house and share it with the family. There must be some reason that your husband and friend is hiding. you can try to sweet talk and find out the reason. i know it may sound impossible. but try finding out whether your husband is doing it maybe under some pressure orfor some reason because no friendship will last like this , there will be an outcome of their friendship as per their behaviour.
try and find out what made him in the first place to be so good either his friend is providing him something or luring into something if you feel it is too difficult then you can take the descision to move out if you feel your son is going to bear the brunt of it.
Make sure first your child is out of this picture by keeping him safe and secure. If you really want to fight it out you migth have to act like a detective and spy on him. If he is not gay im sure there is a motive behind all this.You might have to take help of any close friend that you have there and put your trust because i know living alone without a friend to talk is depressing..
so make plans and chalk down plans what your priority is first for your son then to find out the root cause for this and maybe sweet talk and take help of someone to help you.
Dont hurt your self if you feel it is out of hand to handle it alone. :notthatway:get help.
Marraiges are made in heaven is what they say but we have to first live it on earth and yes there are testing times in ones life. maybe this is your testing time.
there are pros and cons of breaking a marraige... it is upto you to decide finally which way to go.Maybe your hubby has lost his track in life as someone is trying to pull him offtrack it is upto you to get him ontrack or you change your track and move further.
Gis-L:hiya:hiya