Need Advice regarding DH's behaviour

why are you fighting infront of in laws??!!...or even close to them where they can hear you guyz!...thats the biggest mistake you are making...either discuss it out in your room at night or go out somewhere for coffee or something and talk it out...or discuss when they are not at home...

you need to lay down these rules with DH first though!

 

Simple solution, OP is to not fight with you DH. Never ever. Be sweet and act faultlessly; then turn him around gently to your side. (Reminds me of a line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding - "A man may be the head of the house. The woman is the neck. And she can turn the head whichever way she wants.")

The important thing is to present a unified front in front of your ILs. So, choose your battles. Since you are living with your ILs, you can't take them out of the equation. However, if you deal with disagreements with your DH tactfully, you can avoid fights and the whole drama.

The parents will always support their children (perhaps only the sons?) It is only by acting wisely we can gain foothold there. Don't let words fall. Don't raise your voice. You don't have to agree with everything your DH thinks. You don't have to make him agree with everything you think is right either. If he says the sky is red, you just say "Well, that's your opinion." and walk away instead of arguing about how the sky is actually blue...

Read up about tact online. There are lots of good resources. Good luck.

 

I have been in your situation.. there were constant fights.. whether I wanted them or not. We lived with inlaws and grandparents.. so someone was always home, and my ex husband used to make sure that everyone knew from his behavior that we did fight. It was so bad.. so bad where my mil used to instigate some more, or add in other details to escalate our fights.. at those times I used to just go quiet.

But take everyones advice.. and try not to fight. I know how hard it is.. trust me.. even the littlest subject can trigger a fight. If you are furious at your husband just vent it out here for all of us.. but in front of your MIL make it seem like everything is perfect.. who cares if it isnt.. just fake it. My mil used to get some kind of happiness by seeing us so miserable.. I dont want to put your mil in the same category.. but still I think you should just fake it to your inlaws that you guys are happy.. and not fighting. You didnt mention in detail what your fights are about.. but learn to let things go(easier said than done) especially the little things.. and maybe your understanding with your husband will become better.

I have learned this the hard way.. but many many people do not stick up for what is right and what is wrong.. they stick up for their blood. Especially most indian parents.. they will always stick up for their son no matter how wrong he is, and the DIL will always be an outsider.

 

It is a good movie, isn't it? OPA !!

 

Your hubby not buying a mobile phone to your sister is an issue?? Is this even called financial assistance?? and your hubby "not financially assisting" your side of people is opression as per your definition?? and what is it with you cutting a sorry figure because you could not buy a mobile phone with your husband's money??

OP... something is seriously wrong with your definitions ... first get them right please...

Your MIL's interference is a secondary problem .... first get your equation with your husband right ...

 

Dear OP, MIL interfering when u two fight is an issue of concern, but ur expectation from ur DH regarding financial assistance for ur family (including giving money to ur sis to buy mobile) will bring interference from ur in-laws. If that is an issue for u, then sorry to say, but fights will happen between u two and ur in-laws will have a say. Set ur priorities right OP, then u can tell ur DH to keep ur fights between u two.