Need advice for divorce from Husband in India - Domestic abuse

Hi,


I got married in India almost a year ago. Our marriage is registered in India, but not in the US. I am a Christian, by the way.


I was an Indian citizen at the time, but now have US citizenship. My husband has Indian citizenship and is still residing in India. After we got married, I stayed with him in India for 5 months.


During these five months, he physically and emotionally abused me, including hitting me, trying to strangle me, etc which constitute as assault under Domestic Violence laws.


So, I returned to my parent's house in the US. It has now been almost 7 months that I have been back in the US.


In addition, he also cheated us by falsely stating that he has an MBA from a university in London. It was only when I returned and when we dug deeper into the matter due to suspicions from his changed behavior and examined the copy of his supposed MBA certificate, which he sent us, that we realized it was bogus.



I want to apply for divorce from the US (New Jersey). I do not know if he will agree to a mutual consent divorce or not (I highly doubt it). My parents and I will be traveling to India to let them know of our decision and discuss this possibility. I plan on filing for divorce when we return.


If by any chance he does agree to the divorce, how can I negotiate to get back the money my parents gave him and his parents before and after marriage?


(As is more likely) If I apply on grounds of "extreme cruelty" (i.e. emotional and physical abuse) from the US...Will this work? Will it be valid in India?




This second issue is the more pressing one that I really need answers for. Please help.


*Before and after marriage, my parents have given him and his family a lot of money that was meant for them to safeguard for my use in my life with him.
However, they spent part of it for their wedding expenses (we paid out of pocket for our own). I also invested part of it on his business venture, used part of it as a down payment for our flat - which is in his name, and for other expenses.



About the flat - the down payment was given in part before marriage, but the flat was signed/registered/bought after marriage in his name (on a mortgage/home loan).


My parents also paid for almost all our living expenses as well while he was "starting" his business, which has not started even a year later. My parents were pressurized to pay by his and his family's mistreatment of me.


I need and want all this money back to build a life for myself now and to support my parents, for whom that money was the bulk of their savings.

Once again, some clarification about the money...

This money was given by my parents for me for my life with him.
The money was only given to him and his parents for safekeeping. It was for my use, not for them to spend or use.

Also, for his business and for the flat, most of the time, my parents gave the money to me and I gave it to him or in the case of the flat to the builder in cash or cash cheques.
This money was my/my parent's contribution and so represents our share in the flat and in his business. In fact, we invested almost 100% of initial capital in his business, he or his parents have invested nothing. So, we have almost 100% share in it.

So, if this money was meant for my use and the money in the business and the flat is my share in these entities, will I then be able to get the money back or a share in the business and flat?

Question#1:
If I apply for divorce in the US and claim this money or spousal support/alimony, can the US government order him or pass on this order to the Indian government to get the money back from him? As in, does the US government have the power or will the Indian government consider the decision passed by the court in the US as valid and enforce the decision by granting a divorce in India and ordering the return of the money?

Question #2:
Also, since most of the money was given in cash or cash checks, please anyone please give me some advice on what proof can I show of this money having been given for safekeeping or investment, as is the case?
Also, what proof can I show that this money was not a gift, but was meant for my use only?






I know that in US, when you file for divorce, you send a notice to your spouse and they have a time period within which they have to send an answer, not contesting or contesting the terms in the notice.
If they do not reply, you can ask for a default judgement.
When you get your hearing date, you have to send this information to your spouse as well.
Then, during the hearing, if he does not come for the hearing, but you show the return receipt as proof that you let him know of the hearing but that he did not reply or choose to come, then the judge can grant you the divorce in his absence.


My Question #3 - Supposing this is what happens, since he was informed of the divorce and did not contest it , and was also informed of the hearing date, but chose not to appear, will this be valid in India, then, even if he was absent during the hearing?

Question #4:
Supposing, by some miracle, he agrees to my terms to return the money and to mutual divorce, and I file the divorce here in US, will it be valid in India, since he has agreed to it, even if he does not come for the hearing?


Anyone who has any knowledge or experience of applying for divorce, in the US, from a person in India or a foreign country please help me.

Thank you very much for all your help in advance.
I truly appreciate it. This is such a horribly confusing and stressful time for me.
Any help I receive is such a relief.
Thank you once again.

 

Dear Nalinidiv and Lilipad

Thank you very much for replying. I really appreciate all the advice.

The money was given not as a lump sum, but in parts. So for a small part, there was a check given in his father's name.

The other parts were given in cash, or put into my account, and I then gave it to him or the flat builder as cash or cash check.

However, even the money given to him or his parents were not to be used by them, but to be used by me for our life together.

I tried to get the flat in my name as well, but the bank would not allow this because the housing loan for the flat was in his name only, and not mine.

However, if the money given to him and his parents was for my use, and only given to them for safekeeping and I gave the money for the business and flat down payment, is that not still my money?....Will it not be considered my investment/share in the business and flat etc?

I do not have call recordings, but there are emails in which he abuses and insults me and half admits to hurting me and taking the money...but not fully.

I don't know....this is so confusing...

And what is even more frustrating is my Father is refusing to let me fight for this.

He is afraid, especially of the legal system in India and how long the cases take there. He does not want me to be involved at all in this. I keep telling him we should fight and file the case based on domestic abuse etc.
But he does not want me to be dragged into a court battle in India, and he does not want me to have to face my husband ever again...

So he just wants me to have a straight simple divorce in US, whether we get the money or not...

I do not want to hurt or create any more tension for my Father. My parents are suffering as much as I am in this. So, I will go along with a quiet divorce like my father is saying.

At the same time, however, I refuse to leave it just like that! Why should I?
It is my right to have that money back and I want it back!
This guy spoiled my life, so why should he live on my parent's hard earned money?

I stopped talking to him months back, so I don't know if I can even try to talk to him now and get him to confess to anything. It probably would not work.

However, if there were any ideas by which my Father could pressure him and his parents to give the money back...that would be great.

I mean there is always the threat of filing a case based on physical abuse and cheating, but somehow I do not know if that will work...he is so arrogant, he will not be scared by it, and he will just dare us to do it, and of course we won't be able to...

I don't know, I think I will just have to leave it to my Father to do what he thinks is best to get that money back...and stay out of it like my Father says...it would at least be less problems for my Father if he does not have to worry about me having to go to court in India, or having to face that guy again...
The least I can do now is try my best to reduce the stress and tension for my parents...

However, another thought that keeps coming to mind is that if I let this cheater go like this, some other poor girl will fall prey to him and his parents...
If there was only some way, after the divorce goes through and we get our money back or if we don't, to publicize what this guy did to us.
They way he and his parents cheated us with the fake certificate and they way he abused me...

However, I need to do it anonymously, so that he has no way of knowing it is me...
Because if he does, I don't know what he might do in retaliation...put some defamation case or something...photoshop/edit photos and do something...I don't know...somehow I have come to expect anything from this guy...he can fall to any level...
If it was just me, I wouldn't care if he knew it was me and retaliated...but I don't want my parents to have to suffer through anything more if something like that happens...

Then again, even if I do it anonymously, he will know it is me because we are probably the only people he has shown/sent a copy of this fake certificate to in recent times...since he has not been working for sometime now...
So, I have to do it so he does not even think it is connected to me...so he thinks it is coming from some other source...
Maybe if I exposed not just him, but others like him, who have fake certificates or are domestic abusers...I don't know...

Any ideas anyone?

I want to expose him and his deeds, not just for me or mainly for me...
It is more, like I said, for that next girl that they try to trap...I do not want anyone else to fall into this trap like I did...

I feel it is my duty to do something...to warn others!
I cannot just sit back and let someone else suffer through the same fate as mine!

So if either of you or anyone else have any ideas on how I can do this, please let me know.

Thank you once again for all your help. It is such a relief to talk to someone about all this...

 

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all for the help and advice.


Dear Lilipad,

Yes I agree with you that my Father knows better than I do and that is why I am just listening to what he says in this matter.
I am also definitely the last person who wants to waste any more of my time and energy on this guy.

However, I don't know why, I always have this feeling in the back of my mind that I am doing something wrong by not telling everyone what this guy is really like.

It is like in cases of sexual harassment. Often you hear that if only the first person who had to suffer that harassment had spoken up about it, instead of quietly suffering through it, they would have saved the others that came after them the same suffering and pain.

At the same time, I do not want to cause any pain for my parents.

That is why I want to wait till everything - the divorce etc - is over and finalized, and then I want to do something anonymously.

Something, anything to make sure no one else falls into the same trap as I did...

So if anyone, if not now, but later thinks of any ideas please let me know.

Thank you again for all your help