Need a solution

Hi Cheerful,

I can understand where you are coming from reading your post. Things can look very dim at times but just hope for the best in your dh and don't give up your hopes for a better married life. Happiness begins with us. Your baby in your womb needs you to be joyful during this time. Talk to your baby, go for a good evening walk. Don't rely on your dh to do or start things. You be a joyful person regardless of what his part is in your life. Let me tell you that a joyful person can be contagious. Your dh will start to notice and will want to spend more time with you. Being prego you can definitely have mood swings. Read a good book, take a luxurious bath, read good books to your son, purchase fun to watch family movies and play it when your dh is home and make it a habit of trying to involve your dh in something and even if it does not take too much effort. Sing to your baby, sit in your backyard with a glass of lemonade and say to yourself that you are one of the fornutate women in this world to be able to do something like that with peace and contentment. Kick the depression out. Don't let it linger too long.

You mentioned that soaring spirits used to be your friend here. I know I have had a busy season also and could not visit IL, may be she is also in a busy phase in her life. In the meantime, I can be your friend. Just take it easy. Life is precious.

By the way, I like your username. It is very promising:thumbsup

 

Yes cheerful, i understand ur situation. i also had such a marriage before and in my case the husband was abusive and a fraud who married me just to squeeze money out of my parents.and his parents also were the same. He never used to talk to me when he is in senses, when he's drunk he talked too much that too abuses and insults. Finally after one year i decided to end it. Because i also didn't love him or rather i hated him. I couldn't spend my life with him since i was just 24 yrs old. I didn't have a single penny with me still i contacted a family friend who was staying in the same place and booked tickets to my native place with the support of my parents. On the day of my flight i left all my belongings apart from very essential things and left without telling anyone. After i reached my home which is more than 3000 miles away i called him and told i have come to my parents and won't return.
I took divorce and after that i met a wonderful guy who proposed to me knowing my past and now we share a wonderful relationship with me pregnant in the 6th month now. Now let's see ur case, in ur case abuse is not there. But i find ur husband selfish and that seems like an inborn nature.And since it cannot be changed, try to concentrate more on ur baby. If u were not pregnant i would have suggested u to break off the relationship and live ur life in ur own way. But anyhow at any point of time if u feel like doing so i advise u should do that. People say because of their kids they are trying to adjust. i think it's utter non-sense, kids will grow into better human beings when they are in a happy environment not where always tension and fights are there. If u r not working u can take up a job, engage urself in hobbies, talk to ur baby from now itself and create a bond. How are ur in-laws? if they are good then u can try talking to ur problems to them. May be they can put sense to ur husband. How's he outside home, that means to his friends and colleagues? I hope u have atleast the freedom to do whatever u like, i hope he doesn't restrict u from mingling with people or doing things ur own way. Anyways i think once the baby comes u will find ur life more meaningful. But don't stop talking to ur baby and playing with him. Create an emotional bond from childhood so that he/she will become ur best friend in life.

Hope i could give some comfort to u thru my words.
Cheers!
Nisha

 

Hi Cheerful, nice profile name

The only long term solution for you is to build compatibility, that will mean putting effort from both sides. It won't happen over-night, it takes time. Don't give up. Though it is frustrating to try to initiate conversations all the time when you don't get proper responses, sometimes perseverance pays.

The key is perseverance, not giving up. Change your approach. Show your anger and displeasure in a cute way. If he is not talking to you, don't behave like a 'disappointed woman/wife':rant, instead behave like an 'upset teenage girl' :roll: and keep nagging him to talk in a childish way. If you deal with him as a matured woman, he will react in a serious tone. Instead bring out the child in you. Just like your son puts up sad puppy faces and plays tantrums for chocolates, you have to show your anger in a cute way. Stare at him with a sad puppy face and he will definitely double back to look at you and your sad puppy face might even put a smile on his face and he might approach you. Try it out!

Something like this -
(my DH is a sucker for this face and I can get anything done with this face)

 

Sita,
It may not be that simple.

Some people are more serious in nature, and they will only get annoyed by the puppy face, or they may simply ignore it.

I'm telling that based on a few experiences I have witnessed, specifically with the puppy face/upset-teenager type attention grabbing. If your spouse is a sucker for it, it may work, else if they are the type that will be annoyed by it, it will backfire and make things worse.

 

Yes, the serious type people won't be moved or change right away. That is why I said, it won't happen overnight, it takes time. Anyways, it is always a good idea to keep the child in us alive irrespective of our age.

She can atleast try this, instead of giving up on her H as a bad job and trying to distance herself by keeping busy with hobbies, right? Books and hobbies can distract us but can not comfort us. There is no harm in trying out a new approach... who knows, it might work. ;-)

 

I second that. Even if it worked a few times, it will stop working eventually and when it does, the emotional overdrive from past can take it's toll

 

I sometimes tell the same to Naksh when he provides some advice along that cutey/sentimental-cute line to someone else

It can work - the thing is for it to work, the other person must be a bit of a sucker (if not a big sucker) for that.

For some people, it will really rub them the wrong way and backfire.


We can always keep our childlike bubbliness. I am a big fan of that. But just be cautious if the other person will be annoyed and move further away since they may not be a fan of that. Some people are VERY serious by nature. You want to be careful about your approach with those types.