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Myth: Child sex abuse , A western Phenomenon

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by zingy, Jun 4, 2010.

  1. zingy

    zingy Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Facts collected from surverys and researches show that that 69% of Kids have been subject to some form of sexual abuse before they reach 16.That makes 2 out of 3 kids is sexually abused in India but less than 1 in 10 victims speak about it.The offenders aren't usually strangers or criminals .It happens right under the parent's nose,In their own house, by person who are trusted by the kid,family and even part of the family (Grand father,uncle,aunty,cousins etc) . Boys are equally subjected to the sex abuse as with the girls.Shocking fact is the abuse starts as early as the age of 5.

    RAHI, a Delhi-based organisation that provides support to victims of sexual abuse, reports that of the 1,000 upper and higher-middle class college students interviewed, 76 per cent had been abused as children, 31 per cent by someone known to the family and 40 per cent by a family member, and 50 per cent of them before the age of 12 Source:Hinduonnet

    People are still not ready to battle this long hidden issue .First we need to acknowledge the problem ,then comes doing something about it. It's time we woke up and realized our children need protection.As an adult it is our responsiblity to educate and enlighten kids about the issue helping them distinguish between “good” and “bad” touch , It does not matter what the intention of the other person what matters is how the child feels about it even if it is casual touch.

    Quoting Dr Preethi, A child Psychiartist dealing with child abuse "Silence does not mean all is fine with the child." A child's silence can be eloquent. Only, if we care to listen"

    Tulir , A center for the prevention and healing of child sex abuse is doing a god job is bringing the awareness about the 'hushed victims'.

    How can we keep our children safe from sex offenders? (Source:TULIR- Centre for the Prevention and Healing Child Sexual Abuse.)
    We need to teach children about Personal Safety. We, as adults, also need to educate ourselves about sexual abuse and the risk factors or warning signs of sexually abusing behaviors. Here are some things that you can do to prevent the sexual abuse of a child you know.
    Adults need to:
    1.Teach children to trust their feelings and that it is OK to say "no" when someone they know and care about does something they do not like.
    2.Set and respect family boundaries.
    3.Speak up when "warning sign" behaviors are seen or reported.
    4.Get comfortable talking about difficult topics such as sexual abuse and saying the proper names of body parts before teaching them to children.
    5.Instruct children the differences between Safe touch and Unsafe touch and that secrets about touching are not OK. Children also need to understand that people they know could be capable of doing hurtful things.
    6.Encourage affirm and acknowledge a child's opinions and feelings - giving them a sense of self esteem and confidence.
    7.Involve your child in setting up a safety plan that is easy to remember.
    8. List for yourself and your child whom to call for advice, information, and help.

    Please share your thoughts on this
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2010
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  2. Godschild

    Godschild Silver IL'ite

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    Zingy,

    Your thread has 42 view and still not one reply.
    I fear this topic is too sensitive and delicate and most ppl do shun away from discussing this.
    Lets see how many ILites contribute to this.
     
  3. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    well I skipped not because it was sensitive.. I do stick around sensitive and controversial topics at times. LOL
    But OP has no specific question .. it was an article and not sure what OP was expecting so I just passed it after reading. :)
    OP add your views and get the ball rolling if you may please.
     
  4. asha_karthik

    asha_karthik Silver IL'ite

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    oh yes, nothing to be discussed i thought. but all points noted. :)

    zingy - thank you for sharing the article
     
  5. Vishalini3

    Vishalini3 Silver IL'ite

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    Yeah Zingy, I read your post, but wasnt sure what to discuss more on this, every word in that article is soo true, may be I should have thanked you for sharing it here? :thumbsup
    Godschild, yeah this is a sensitive topic, its not about shunning away, but wondering what more to write, coz the article by itself is complete :)
     
  6. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    Actually CSA has been discussed several times here in Parenting previously - the last time was quite recent; no one is shying away from the topic Godschild; in my case I took in the info and thought I have nothing new to add to it or to discuss right now and hence no post thats all.

    Vanathi.
     
  7. zingy

    zingy Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Aadhumom,Vishalini3,asha_karthik,mstrue,Godschild
    Thanks for all the replies

    I had meant to continue the post but owing to my laptop failure and hurry-burry of preparing for my official trip I could not do so. So much has been said and done but the fact remains that we are (At least I was) hesitant to discuss about the CSA . Everybody talks about STRANGER-IN-THE-DARK and means of protecting our boys and gals from these offenders etc . But when it comes to family and extended family we prefer to keep our mouth mum. We take so much care to protect our little ones from the strangers but do we have same awareness when it comes to dear and near ones. Statistics says 60% of the offenders are close trusted acquaintances family friends, coaches, teachers, servants etc ,30% is relatives (Father, grandfather, mother ,uncle, aunty, cousins) and strangers form about 10% of the offenders .We believe, rather want to believe that it does not happen in our family and friend circle.

    Very next day I posted this thread I read an incident where a father had been molesting his own child unknown to her mother for some years and killed her when she became pregnant.
    How is it that a mother is not able to find out when it is happening right under her nose or why is it that kid is not able to share these? How do we respond/help someone when they share? How do we help them heal?

    Please share your thoughts on these lines
     
  8. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    It is a sensitive subject but as many had said, we are discussing many such subjects in IL.
    Well, people do not wnat to have any type of confrontation with any one they know, more so about friends or relatives.
    There was a watchman in my son's school, who used to pat girls on the shoulder/did not open the gate fully to allow the girls pass without touching him and so on. I reported this to the school authorities. He was removed for some time. But after a few months, I see that he has been taken into service again. What do I do, fight with the management? Now my son is not studying in that school but when I see that man there, I just feel very bad.
     
  9. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

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    There is a new twist to the old saying children should be seen but not heard. It goes, "Children should be Seen and Heard and Believed."

    By the time we are adults we have developed a set of coping skills to handle power struggles. If an adult is raped, there are some coping stengths that he/she can rely on with support from friends/family and professionals.

    When a child is abused he/she hasn't developed those skills yet. The child may believe it is really his/her fault. There is a sense of helplessness and tremendous anger-especially as they grow older and realize the injustice of it and the fact that no one came to help (by design or due to ignorance).

    I've known people who had just one adult (family member) believe them when they mentioned the abusive behavior-15-20yrs later, they credit their coping to that one adult because she/he believed them.

    A big hurdle in dealing with this issue in our society is the stigma attached to the victim as opposed to the predator. How many young children commit suicide because of the shame and helplessness? How often do we hear adults say that justice to that child is more important than social acceptance? Not often enough I'm afraid.

    I remember reading quite a few articles in the news where the parents lament that the child's life is wasted-While it is understandable that they were in shock and anger, is that the end of the child's life? Why think that if a child is abused, that is the end of the child's life-his aspirations, hopes and abilities? So much of how the child deals with the emotional fallout through out life is dependent on how parents cope.

    Yes, these are very uncomfortable and disturbing thoughts. It is much more prevalent than we would like to think. The only way to protect children is to bring it out into the open.

    Varloo, may I suggest you talk to the parents of any of those girls you know (at your son's old school). I'm sure they will want this brought to their attention. They can talk to their children, form a group and confront the management. Children need to know that their parents will stand up for them. Only then will they learn to stand up for themselves.

    Rama
     
  10. zingy

    zingy Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Varloo,
    Agree very much . Even when the topic comes in open discussion in close circle people seldom talk

    Koodos for you for taking up to the mgmt:thumbsup

    Good that your son is not studying there,Such a irreponsible management.
    As Varloo suggested spread the word among other parents and ask them to confront the mgmt.It is our social responsiblity and more important since it is a school
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2010

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