My Vent-il Arrival-8days

Dear, have some confidence in you...on their arrival, behave confidently and politely....dont get so nervous...do for them whatever is possible....if there is something you dont want to do , then politely refuse and be firm on your stand. Like if you dnt want to go to visit for temple than politely tell them the reason for not going, if they keep on insisting , you keep on refusing...if at any time conversation is becoming unpleasant, try to change the topic, if its still going in bad direction,slowly get away from the place and busy yourself in some work.
Dear, if your husband will shout on you or will show authority on you, than make sure at that time you wont do what he is ordering you to do...if he will say that you dont cook and clean the house, than politely and firmly contradict him and remind him what you cook daily...and who cleans the house. just say it once and leave it at that.

dont expect any praise from them and most importantly dont do anything to please them, do everything as your duty. 8 days are made up of time only , they will fly.
Go girl...Make your inlaws petty with your confidence and elegance.

 

Did not even read more than that!
coz in USA,Inlaws comes and stays for six months a year literally..
if you are a homemaker,you are doomed.imagine being controlled in your own home,not able to go out without their permission and do all the work like a maid when IL watch tv and ipad all day..

if you are a working women,you are again doomed as you have to literally have crazy extra work..

Problem is,some inlaws think they are a guest..for 10 days yes it is being a guest.for six months?unless,you have severe aging ailments people have to provide help and chip in as it is a FAMILY. Inlaws lament about their plight when they are in america calling it boring etc..can you imagine the plight of dil?we do not have any help here and its not like all husbands help us also.instead of claiming it to be boring,one can help and mingle with the family.If the son is your son,if the home is you home then why should dil's alone do the housework?Help in sense, atleast try to put the glasses in the sink,do not dirty your room too much,maybe watch our kids for movie night once in a blue moon. that's all we ask for!I seriously do not want any other help.but what we get?to go out with out husband means inlaws face will fall..then why on earth get your sons married if the dil is just an unpaid maid and all control should be in your hands?


They are coming as a guest to your home..compare it to our state and count your blessings dear..you will be fine.

 

Dear there is a saying- God helps those who help themselves. If your in-laws and husband dont help you around, then its your duty to minimize your work and doing only what you can do. So please dont expect help from anybody, help yourself and stop working like a maid....when chores will not be done , they have to move their ass.

 

Dear OP - how about telling your H now only that he need not shout on you in presence of others. If he has any complains with you, he should tell you on one to one basis , I mean when no one else is around. Why on each visit of his parents he has to show his wife is under his control.

 

1)You have a perfect excuse for not going to temple.Period.
Use it .

2)If they ask how you are doing as a couple,smile and say fine.
They are visiting after you people separated ...they will probably want to see that you are not doing so well,not able to cope.Don't give them the pleasure.Smile a lot .
Give them your child...you will have extra time to do your work.

Try to talk to your husband and see if he can be normal this time instead of being the usual jerk.Tell him your child is growing up and he should not humiliate his child's mother like this
Even after this if he chooses to be a jerk...just ignore him .He doesn't deserve your reaction.

Try not to raise any point that is an irritation at home usually. Just ignore the usual irritants for the time being both with husband and in laws.

If work is too much...ask husband to do chores that he is fine doing in front of his parents...like ,ask him to get sweets from a particular shop,do outside work.
Tell him to take the child for a ride too.

Get some fun stuff for the kids to play with...like balloons,bubble making guns etc.
Let them have fun in front of every one .That cheers up the room fast.
Hug the visiting kids and take them out for(or send with husband)ice cream.

If you have the time...get a string of flowers ad hang them on the door like toran.
Make a simple Rangoli before they come.

3)Regarding the invitations...leave it for now.Let them leave,then worry about that.
Even if he doesn't accompany you,be prepared to do it alone.Your parents must know your husband by now .
You can give the invitations personally to the elders and to the younger lot,you can post or whatsapp the invitations followed by a personal call.

Chill Op......relax,breathe ,smile.
Things will work out.
Best Wishes and a giant hug .

 

About husband being a jerk in front of parents, give a very curious look and sweetly say, "what's the matter with you? Why are you so tensed today, darling? There's no reason to be rude. Where's my sweetie pie gone?!" Blow a kiss! And if you need help, sweetly ask him for a hand.

 

I would say,reg oct-14 temple visit,tell them that you cannot accompany only on oct 12 or 13 night.Just make it look like you have tried your level best to get a leave and could not get this time.

For your parent's 60 marriage,open the topic with your husband in nov mid after your in laws leaves,so that he understands and does his duty.

 

Divya,
You could have stopped after telling the P dates, no other reasoning was required as you had expected your H's reaction about leaves . In laws always try to prove their point. Less you talk , better for you.
Do your work as usual, keep the talk minimal, follow yes no alright kinda answers.
If they advise you about somethig say will see , will think of this, may be next time.

If they say your are not talking much , say I am thinking something about office , not in mood.
If you are husband shouts at you in front of them, say firmly but slowly "this is very small thing, I dont think any one would shout for this, if you tell normally also i will do.. If I am not doing you can do it by yourself, I do not think ship will sink if you do. What if I do shout at you for this silly think. Dont think I cannot do but I am just controlling" .

You have to say this in front of in laws, keep repeating few more times, then he will get a clue. If does not get a clue and behave the same, just ignore as if you did not listen. Do not take that to heart , be happy and don't keep long face!!

Don't get tensed yaar!! cheer up !!