My son's heart is stolen

Come on Nita, Don't get tensed on all such matters.
Its quite natural for Guys and girls of that age to tend to have infatuation with people they come across.It could be a passing cloud.
If you keep irritating him ,he is going to go firm.Just give some time and trust your upbringing.

Why i say this so confidently is that i have a brother who has till date been dating girls.Its like these girls would be friends,friends of friends and some how in their circle.
Then they give likes on Facebook,they meet up on parties(birthday not pub or something).Then they start the relationship.They say they both love each other,one girl even started to come to our house and help my mother in cleaning.The last girl was doing her CA.Then as they start to get close (in the sense talk more )the infatuation fades and they start to see the negatives.
Then they fight and finally break up.The last so called relationship of my brother was for 2 years.
And that too that girl was of different religion .
All these years my parents did not scold him or fight with him.The girl has come home for lunch when i go to hometown ,i have even served her food ,i looked on her as my sister.
Yes i agree when the first time we came to know we were tensed,slowly we understood that its a passing stage and only true love triumphs.
To add more information ,my brother(who is 26 now) has finally given up ,and asked us(mom ,dad and me ) to look for a girl for him to marry.

So dont get stressed out .Still there's lots to go.If both love each other,that a nice thing. Dont you want a girl who would love your Son more than you love your Son to be your DIL. Some girl who would be with him in his good and bad times.
What is the guarantee that if the girl finished BE she would earn well, even CA,doctors,physiotherapists ,fashion designers , lecturers today earn equivalent to engineers.

 

Dear OP,
If the girl is 5 years elder to your son then she will be working by the time he completes his studies.
Don't worry kids fall in and out of love very fast.
If he discusses the girl with you then you can ask him to wait till he gets job.

 

cant agree with you more........many people says here that nothing wrong in desiring a professionally qualified and working DIL....but why in laws want a working DIL???....certainly most of the in laws don't like the attributes(high confidence, independence, strong headed, having own thinking and intelligence) of a working DIL which are side effects of professionally qualification and work .....so do they want a working dil because of her salary only??? again money is involved here...
I remember the drama made by my FIL at home when I wanted to take a break from my work because of my little DD....he even accused me that you just took a professional degree n job as you wanted an engineer husband now you get it so you are quitting your job.....

 

Nita, forget thie girl for the time being. Do not talk about her education skills or financial status etc. to your son. He is at that vulnerable age where he will only tend to defend his actions. Instead, remind him of his responsibilities - like successfully completing his education, landing a good job, establishing himself in a career. Tell him that his focus should be on these and that you're just worried that indulging in all these things is distracting him from what should be his focus. Explain to him that he is not appropriate in either age or maturity to be indulging in getting involved with someone 5 yrs older than him. At the same time, give him the assurance that once he completes all his responsibilities and is capable of taking care of himself, you will support him in whatever choice he makes. Build that confidence in your child and let him know that you trust him to make good decisions while making him understand that as a parent, it is your duty to intervene if you feel something is concerning.

I don't think you meant what you wrote in the initial posts and it was just out of anguish that it all came out wrong. Lastly, if you see that there is an issue you need to raise with your son, talk to him directly. Recruiting family members to watch over his activities etc. will only make him more distant from you. All the best!

 

cutebarbie,
It is a sad fact that many people carry this mindset. Being part of a couple of arranged marriage discussions will prove this and there are people who mask this with convincing reasons like
"If the husband loses his job tomorrow, the family should not be affected hence we want a working DIL"
"Sitting at home all day will bring evil thoughts to the DIL, hence we want her to work" etc.,
These are two reasons I have heard from some relatives. Even if the DIL is not interested in working, she is somehow forced to by her MIL, MIL's relatives and the brainwashed son.

At the same time, there are a lot of families that do not allow their DILs to work for whatever reasons.

 

I am a non engineering girl from pharma background and married to an engineer and working/non working to him and me doesn't matter, we love each other. My post might appear grotesque but i am infuriated and heartbroken by this thread

 

Dear OP, like u, ur DS also has a life. He has fallen in love out of his choice, no one can compel him to like someone or fall in love with someone. How would u feel if ur MIL would have used the same term for u? How to save her DS from u? She is ur son's choice, let him think about it, he is not a kid anymore.

I agree that u care for him but don't sound like a would-be controlling MIL while caring for ur son. Why u want a wealthy and a working DIL? Are u the kind for whom money is more important than ur son's happiness? He has to spend his life with the person whom he will marry, not u. Yes, if u want to control ur DIL, her career, her family relations like a typical MIL then that's a different issue. In such case, tell ur DS about ur expectation from ur future DIL.

I might sound offending, but u are sounding too controlling for ur son's choice in terms of marriage and it might not be good in future for ur role as a MIL.

 

Hi
If you love your son be patient... who your son will marry is not in your hands like they say its predestined if you push yourself hard to break... you will end up leaving a bad image of yourself on your son's mind ... Now times have changed so change with time accept whats happening... Who knows one fine day your son might realise the girl may not be the one for him.....

 

True...No on in my family (including my cousins) has neither taken nor given dowry. My whole family believes that a family which takes money will never treat girls right.

Some people very smartly call it pocket money/gift....but this is also DOWRY

 

I think instead of relying on sister in law, brother in law and now son for riches and wealth you should roll your sleeves up and stop putting pressure on those around you. We would all like to be rich but sometimes not feasible, it does not mean you put these demands on your loved ones. I don't know if your posts are real so last time I am posting, and wonder if you just make these up to annoy the ladies. If that is the case you should not because you are wasting your valuable time you could be spending making more money.!!!