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MY SIL--PLease help Me.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by IamLucky, Mar 9, 2015.

  1. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    Really Sorry for such a long post.
    Background:
    Ours is a Love Marriage. My husband is having a elder Sis and settled in Singapore.
    Her only son(5yrs oly) is left india with my PIL reason being,she is working and cant take care of the baby properly.
    We are staying in a different state with our 1 yr DD. No help. DD is in day care.
    Both of us are working in IT-no definite timing job. i took my DD with me when she was 2 months old, we had a house maid to take care of her till 2 months back.

    PILS:
    FIL is gentleman and helped our love marriage a success story. so who ever does wrong he expects me to adjust cos he has did a great favour for me.
    basically to avoid the hassles he can convinence oly me.his DD and DW have voice over him.
    MIL is a lady who will be good to me when her DD is abroad.the day she comes India, she ll become a different personality(some times i too doubt whether she s suffering from multiple personality disorder)
    When her DD is here in india, her toungue will become sword on me,jus to hide her DD's negatives over my positives.
    SIL:
    Thinks she s the best in everything and advices everyone around her,has very big mouth.
    very jeleous on me,she don like me and hubby together and both of us being like friends. Main reason is her hubby is very reserved and nodes his head for what ever she says.
    She will use all possible ways to insult me with sugar coated words.
    Some Scenarios which i am not able to forget:
    1.Before our marriage she created a drama to stop our marriage(if i tell the story then there will be no space for the rest of the problem)
    2.for her birthday, which is 2 days before our 1st christmas after marriage, we bought her a saree and dresses for everyone.she saw her saree and didnt even touched it saying these is no much work and she cant take it,
    her DS dress also she told he dont like jean cloth,he is used to cotton and banian colths and didnt see.
    since she did this, My MIL didnt wear her saree saying her DD is unhappy.actually they should get dress for us on that day.instead she took my chudi and told get something like this and send it to me.
    3.She advised me to wait for getting pregnent since her bro is jus 25 when married. we waited for 1 yr and got preg.when in told her the news through phone she didnt even congradulated and changed the topic.
    4 she didnt come to see my DD till she was 8 months. and she came for her SIL's house warming all the way from singapore.
    tat time also we were asked to come to PILS house(15hrs journey) with my small babby in train.she didnt come.
    5.we bought a new house, for that also noone from DH's side came for seeing , my FIL also was not allowed since we bought house before her.
    6.due to that travel my DD was very sick,for that also they scolded me that i m not taking care of my DD properly.she was with us for 1 hr oly and all the 3 days when we were there she was visiting her relatives house.
    and my DD got ok oly after 2 months due to this long travel.
    7.she was giving things she bought for everyone infornt of me but not even a hair clip for me. i usually dont expect anything from her. but infront of others i felt very bad.
    8.when she was there my MIL didnt took my DD,she was doing everything for SIL's son oly.when my DD pooed, she asked me to put her in pampers or in old mat.i was like dying all the 3 days.
    9.full night DD was crying and i also didnt sleep, after doing all the work i went to sleep when DD was sleeping,MIL told,she ll be always sleeping like this oly, so oly baby is always sick.
    10. MIL will tell, my dd is working and suffering a lot, if a couple staying alone is suffering means how can i being alone taking care of a small baby can sleep and enyoy without even a maid to help.
    11. after 10 days SIL is badmouth about her own mother to neigbours and creat probs, that time i ll become good DIL to my MIL.
    12.when some relatives came and i was asked to bring coffee for them,they were impressed with my speach and the way i treated them, they told your daugher is very good girl.suddenly my MIL told she s not my DD, my DD will be very fair.this is my DIL. i was like lost with this response.
    there are lot more she has done to me which is like a scar mark on my heart.
    now her visa got over and she was literlly throwed out of the country,came back all on a sudden.
    now again the same drama is happeneing, we are asked to come to meet her there.
    last time we went for christmas and from then onwards my DD is getting sick often and we dint travel anywer.
    My MIL came before 1 yr for house warming and till now she didnt come her reason being she s having knee pain, but she s travelling around.
    My FIL is also not allowed to come,if i call him and speak a big drama will happen telling he joined with DIL and dancing to her tune.


    My prob:
    Actually my husband knows everything and was supporting me till now.
    I told MIL,FIL,SIL are free sitting in home oly, they didnt come also, SIL DS also love to be in our place cos of beach and zoo.
    let them come here and spend some time with DD.IF we travel, we need to start by friday, reach on saturday,return on sunday, monday again to office.
    DD to day care.surely she ll get sick again.
    this time he is behaving very hard with me saying we need to got meet her, while coming back she told she will come with us.
    wats the use travelling so long jus to bring her.single train they can come and we can book their tickets.
    I have no other convern other than my DD. yes,they ll insult and make me do hell lot of things.He is giving silent treatment, didnt spoke with me from yesterday.
    I know as soon as she reach her, my family will become 2 parts.
    PLease gimme strength and advice to handle this. I dont want to travel with my DD.
     
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  2. hrastro

    hrastro Finest Post Winner

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    Let your DH go alone and bring your SIL - you prepare your home and baby - tell him she is coming first time, let me prepare the house to welcome her!

    Scare him "If baby gets sick due to another short trip my attention will be diverted and I wont be able to do hostess duties so the major share of hosting will fall on you"
     
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  3. hope2b

    hope2b Silver IL'ite

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    Get sick. Sorry, but this is not a great advice. Still, get fever and stay home. There will be lot of dramas, if you go or even if you don't go. To take a baby and make her sick and you get emotionally hurt, I suggest, get sick. There are lots of ways to raise your body temperature, check on net. Sorry, I am suggesting to fake this problem out, but either that or be bold and stand up for yourself and your kids health. Or best, try for overtime work.
     
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  4. sumanrathi

    sumanrathi IL Hall of Fame

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    hi,

    This will happen in all families and this is never ever end universal problem so cool and relax. do your duty leave the result to God. Ignore your SIL if she ignores you walk on your own way say thanks to God that you got good understanding DH.
     
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  5. drnamshara

    drnamshara Gold IL'ite

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    @hope2b

    Thats actually the best advice possible in this scenario!!

    Keeping integrity aside and trying to suggest this in need:

    If you dont want fever then, call DH from office and say you tripped!!
    on the way from work tie a crepe bandage to your ankle!!

    Diarrhoea-nausea-vomitting episodes are another combo you can fake..
    easy because it is behind closed doors!! make sure to do eye dips in palm full of water before you come out of the bathroom so that the eyes appear red due to throwing up pressure!!

    Hope it helps...
    Do keep us updated...as SIL reaches home your frustrations might grow 4 fold!!

    All the best..
     
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  6. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,
    Jus now i called her and used the same sugar coated words to her, she cooly asked check tickets for next week so that u can come and check DD here with good doctors and leave her with us for 1 week if she s not ok with travelling if no tickets then book in tatkal.after she got ok, you people come and pick her up and spend that 2 days also with us.
    I told, We have already booked appointent with a leading ped here and its not safe to consult doc there since i cant bring her all the way there each and everytime.
    why dont you come here there are lot of new theam parks started and DS will enjoy a lot. and as u said u could spend more than 1 week here with DD as we wont be available.
    she told then let me think about DS's holidays and let u know.
     
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  7. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    Being Sick will work out. but oly until they come here. Otherwise my MIL will again make me real sick with her words saying she ll always sick like this so my DD also getting from me and her DS is doing all the works.:spin
     
  8. sumanrathi

    sumanrathi IL Hall of Fame

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    think on the other way if you go their you have to face 3 days hard time after that you can come back as free bird if she comes to your home no of days will increase you have to make spl,. foods take them out all unnecessary expenses for you more over do you think they will appreciate you never so it is good if you travel once your duty will get finished. just call her formally if she comes ok otherwise leave it ( valiyilla pora onannanai nee yen madiyela vitukura )
     
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  9. drnamshara

    drnamshara Gold IL'ite

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    Yes very common dialogue!

    So best is not to fall ill, but instead to have a fall! Or blame that some one pushed you!! :D
    It was all an accidental mishap! No fault of yours. Make sure to create a clean blame game, lest they blame you for being careless and absentminded leading to the fall! :p
     
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  10. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    @sumarathi
    Suman Sir, What ever u are telling is 100% correct. but the main motive is to make us come and see her. to show she s a big shot. She wont come for sure,for seeing my DD. she s not that much affectionate aunty. i gave some incidents also.
    If i am escaping(falling downdoh1) then she ll think and come up with lot of other stories as excuses. she cant see us in our own home.and if we go there we need to buy gifts for Easter and again the same dramanotdonesmiley
    The thing i am worrying is my DH also want to go and meet, inspite of all the things they did to me and DD.

    Than ada vitalum than thasai adum pola (Blood is thicker than Water)
     

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