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My Sil Had A Talk About Periods With My Daughter

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by gamma50g, Jan 9, 2024.

  1. gamma50g

    gamma50g Gold IL'ite

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    Like the topic says, my sil had a talk about periods and even demonstrated how to use a pad to my 10 year old daughter. Im beyond hopping mad. The damage is done. I cant reverse it. As a mom, I was planning to have a talk with my daughter at the appropriate time but my sil did it.

    I came to know when she herself mentioned casually in a conversation. Whats even the use of confronting. Damage is done. Husband has no opinion.

    Vent over....thanks for lending an ear
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I am so hopping mad for you, and so pissed off at the "husband has no opinion" and impressed with the "what's the use of confronting."

    It never ceases to amaze me how husbands don't get these things. Even after decades my husband doesn't directly get them, just that he is experienced enough to know "this will tick her off" but he doesn't agree with the premise of the ticking off, at best he humors it.

    It is very good that you didn't confront her and didn't give it to her properly when she casually mentioned it. That doesn't mean this has to be let go by unaddressed. She knew very well what she was doing. If you bring it up directly and ask about it, your main point will be "I wanted to be the one to talk at the appropriate time." and that will easily get painted as petty, silly or not a big deal.

    For one, this SIL should be the last to know and she should get to know after a very significant amount of time when the 'growing up' event happens. Start training husband from now itself on not sharing the news with his folks before you do.

    If you don't confront her, it will bug you for ever and ever. So do it but in a strategic manner. At some occasion, preferably in-person or a group call, bring up the topic of periods, how it is starting younger in your friends circle etc etc, the special mommy-daughter thing about it, and ever so casually ask about the talk she had with your daughter. The trick is to ask carefully worded questions, pause, and give her enough of a rope of her own words to hang herself. There's a guy I follow on IG or Tiktok who has the perfect questions for such occasions. Will try to look through his videos.
     
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  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Actually my neighbor’s daughter who is a high schooler spoke and explained about periods to my kid who is 11 and was curious to know about it.

    The situation is similar to you yet different.

    I didn’t know but when I came to know I was relived coz it was through a correct source IMO.It felt easier for me that her mother also let me know about this later.

    In your situation I don’t know how close you are to your sil and if she voluntarily offered information without you knowing which is not right.

    Anyhow it is about age your DD knows about periods and let us put a positive spin on this situation.

    Show her some video in YouTube and google and get info and explain more clearly and precise to your daughter separately so that all her fears would be put to rest.

    It is a normal part of growth and it is fine.

    Also let your sil know that she has to volunteer information to your kids after seeking approval from you.
     
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  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow, this is so wildly inappropriate and so beyond boundary-stepping I don’t even know what to say. What’s next, is she going to talk about sex with your daughter? I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
     
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  5. gamma50g

    gamma50g Gold IL'ite

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    @anika987 I wouldnt mind if someone on the outside (non relative) had spoken to her about this . My sil comes for a week after 8 years and she talks this! Its not like we have a talking relationship where we talk evey week. Its just a casual acquaintance kind of relationship.
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes! It is beyond crazy. It violates something so personal between a parent and daughter. And the darned thing cannot be undone.
     
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  7. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Just to play the devil's advocate, do you think your child went and asked her? Even if she did, the right thing to do would have been to refer the question back to you, I get it, but just throwing this possibility out there. Do you think the child asked her something about it and your SIL took it upon herself to educate the child?

    I am sorry you are dealing with this, I would have been very upset too!
     
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  8. gamma50g

    gamma50g Gold IL'ite

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    @peartree even if that had happened I wouldnt be this upset. My sil was getting ready to shower and had a pad. She asked my daughter do you know what is this? And when my daughter said no she proceeded to explain and do a demo.

    I just feel like my big mother daughter thing is gone forever and my daughter's innocence is also ripped to pieces.
     
  9. gamma50g

    gamma50g Gold IL'ite

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    Yes @Rihana . The fact that irreverible damage is already done hurts the most!!
     
  10. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    That is very random, I am so sorry. Do let your SIL know you are upset about this. And if your husband gives you grief about it, give him a piece of your mind too, in fact several pieces if you have to!
     
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