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My parents goofed up.... inputs

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by google, Feb 26, 2013.

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  1. Feb 27, 2013 #41
    google

    google Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies
    Thanks for the great insights. I agree with the thought that its a simple issue and my husband need not have complained to me. He has left that issue but I am obsessing about it. My reasons are mainly,

    I hardly ask my parents for anything (like clothes or eatables etc from India). Its me who always sends money for birthdays, cakes, apple products from US to them. All I expect in return is to just be nice to my husband when he visits (thats like once in 2 years for one meal). When they goof that up, I really get furious.

    This will not stop here, if there is any fight, my inlaws and husband will pin point and say that my mom didnt treat my husband well. Agreed that if it had happened to me at my inlaws place, i would do the same.

    When i have guests, even if they are total strangers to me (like hubby colleagues, college/school friends, son's American friends) I always ask them if they are veg or non-veg and if they "dont eat anything in particular". In case of allergy or any special diet restrictions etc. When if comes to SNIL, how can my parents goof up. Then whats the love and affection they have for me if they cant take a min and plan it right. To top it all my MIL is a typical hostess, she will literally stuff food in the face when guests come. She will make so much and make sure the guests are 101% full and literally staggering. On the contrary my mom makes my husband eat rasam and curd rice :((

    How will I feel ?????
     
    google, Feb 27, 2013
    google, Feb 27, 2013
    #41
    3 people like this.
  2. Feb 27, 2013 #42
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Bad, very bad. Then, you'll come and vent here, and read some extremely interesting responses, and cheer up a bit. :)

    Soka, your posts on Rama vs Sabari & Andal vs Perumal are way out of my league. I second whatever JAG said in response. :)
     
    Rihana, Feb 27, 2013
    Rihana, Feb 27, 2013
    #42
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  3. Feb 27, 2013 #43
    plantscantalk

    plantscantalk Gold IL'ite

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    Google- the only way i can think of keeping all parties happy, and maintaining your sanity, is: please accompany your H whenever the visit is to your mom's/mil's place.
     
    plantscantalk, Feb 27, 2013
    plantscantalk, Feb 27, 2013
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  4. Feb 27, 2013 #44
    Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    You are thinking too much and expecting too much from your parents. I feel you are comparing your mom with you MIL. Your MIL looks like a gracious host and your mom is not and hence that's what is bothering you.

    I applaud you for the fact that you wanted your husband to be taken care of nicely. Not many married women would do that. They would feel " So what if DH is going to my mom's place. He should eat whatever is served in front of him" But you wanted to make sure DH was served with his favorite food etc. That is good to know. But somehow I feel that you feel obligated to think like this since DH has loaned some money to your father. Or maybe not. I am not sure.

    But I know what you are saying. At the same time I think your parents may have treated him like their own son so they did not go out of their way and made anything special.

    Going by your comments you seem like a good host too and hence you expect the same from your parents. This comparing I feel is not right.
     
    Decentguy, Feb 27, 2013
    Decentguy, Feb 27, 2013
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  5. Feb 27, 2013 #45
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    OK (about Indus).

    Looks like that. I've also followed threads for a few years, and the patterns that struck me were women struggling to spend time with their parents when visiting India, and skype related issues. Food being used as a weapon/tool or something to fight over didn't strike me.

    The issue here is hospitality, hospitality related to food, not food itself.

    Anyways...
     
    Rihana, Feb 27, 2013
    Rihana, Feb 27, 2013
    #45
  6. Feb 27, 2013 #46
    google

    google Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Decent guy

    I would want my parents to go out of the way and be a little proactive, he is their only SNIL. I mean, whats wrong in that. They should have some obligation. When they come to US, my husband drives them to SFO, LA, Vegas etc. Shouldnt that gratitude be there ?

    Yes, accepting my husbands loan and not showing enough interest when he comes is another reason i am really pissed. They can accept gifts from us, take money, sight seeing at our expenses and then cant even cook a simple sambar.
     
    google, Feb 27, 2013
    google, Feb 27, 2013
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  7. Feb 27, 2013 #47
    thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    dear op,

    wow, you are a doting wife!!

    i feel your mom deliberately cooked the food he doesn't eat, and the other option left was rasam and curd rice!!
    sorry i don't want to insult food, but that is not something you would serve a guest, forget SIL.

    and moreover he just went there for one meal, then they ought to prepare a proper meal for him. if he was staying over for a few days, then one meal of the mentioned menu would be fine.

    i would have also been annoyed with mom, had she done the same.

    its very sweet of your hubby to visit them everytime, and not ask for his money even once.

    there is no question of reminding your mom of his preference, as she already knows, and can easily 'forget' again, better ask your dh to just visit them next time, and not go there for a meal, that way the message will be clearly conveyed.
     
    thegirlygirl, Feb 27, 2013
    thegirlygirl, Feb 27, 2013
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  8. Feb 27, 2013 #48
    justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    You know google.. sometimes parents goof up...big time not just PIL.:coffee
    It just hurts a bit more though when its our own parents who do it.
    I really dont know what to say..except..hugs.
     
    justanothergirl, Feb 27, 2013
    justanothergirl, Feb 27, 2013
    #48
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  9. Feb 27, 2013 #49
    moukthika9

    moukthika9 Gold IL'ite

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    what your parents doing towards your DH is wrong.........

    At the end of fightings or anything you are their daughter and your DH is their son in law right???? so what they have done to your DH is wrong and they should know about it...

    Just ask your parents directly WHY THEY ARE DOING ALL THIS......
     
    moukthika9, Feb 27, 2013
    moukthika9, Feb 27, 2013
    #49
    1 person likes this.
  10. Feb 27, 2013 #50
    google

    google Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi
    Called and yelled at my mom. Hope she gets the message loud and clear.
    But I am shocked at their indifference. They are not poor or uneducated. They make varieties of food every Sunday and feast nicely. But why do this when I husband is visiting ?

    I will try to let it go and move on. But lesson learnt here is, if at all my hubby goes again to my house, I will clearly spell out the menu to them and will not leave it to their choice. Obviously they suck at hosting.

    Thanks to all for taking the time to post ur thoughts. really appreciate it.
     
    google, Feb 27, 2013
    google, Feb 27, 2013
    #50
    2 people like this.
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