My mom's problem with my SIL

I believe that OP mentioned that her brother is equally to be blamed. Talking to an unmarried brother and talking to a married one regarding their responsibilities is different. In the first instance it is taken casually and in the second instance it can be taken as interference .

I have seen the original post again. It looks like in the couple, the SIL is the one who is more often calling the shots. In some relationships , one person is more dominant than the other. So however bitter a pill it is to digest, just like there is remote MIL control in some cases, there is also DIL control in some families. If we look at the over all picture, it is not only about work, it is also about intentions and influence behind it.

 

Your brother & SIL is taking full advantage of your mom.

In this stage, your mom should go out for minimum a month or if she does not want to go out. Tell them that doctor has advised her to take complete rest and not to work.

She should not enter in kitchen, should not bother for other household things. Let them handle themselves. Definitely they will realise the importnace of yuor mother, if she does not work for them.

So, your mom should be strict, take rest and don't interfere in them. Let them handle the situation that how they have to manage the home in absence of their mom.

Only this way she can teach a lesson to your Bro & SIL, otherwise they will not take pain if they get everything ready in their hands.

Best of luck
Shivani

 

Dear spap
Its high time your mother should move out. She should not work for the two adults who have to take care of your mother at this age.
Your mom need not spoon-feed those grown ups who dont bother about your mom in any big way.
And your SIL is definitely a cunning lady taking full advantage of your mom. I think your brother does a great mistake on his part too.
Rent a house or apartment for your mom immedately (may be near your brother or near you) and let her not stay with those cunning people anymore. I feel pity for your mom.
I think your brother might be having a kid soon and this ll make things worse. So act soon.

 

Hi Spap,

[JUSTIFY]I think your mom does not want to hurt your Brother or SILs feelings. You have to explain it to her that by moving or by talking about the "issue" she would be helping them in long run. If you suspect social/society pressure, you have to let her know, ppl will talk no matter what. [/JUSTIFY]

[JUSTIFY]Also point it to her that, if her DIL can be so calculative now(when your mom is making money) imagine what will happen when your mom retires.:drowning

Regarding your SIL not doing work.... If you brother does not think that your mother is doing all the work, your SIL would hardly care. I think it would do good that you talk to your brother after you talk too your mother.[/JUSTIFY]

JMO

Regards
Sati

 

Hi spap,
I am sure things will go more worse than now after your mom's retirement.It is not a big issue to move out since people who are out don't face the difficulty which your mom faces.So dont worry much about other's comments.It is your duty to releive your mom from this hell.

 

Hi,

Reading after your post I dont understand why does ur mom wanna live in the same house - why cant she move out and do her own thing and let the son/dil do their own thing.....U have mentioned that she is doing all the expenses - then in my opnion ur mom should do all the expenses on her if the other person is not reciprocating .....As far as responsibilty goes - this is human nature - when you see someone around you doing all the stuff - u tend to take a back seat and if u know someone is going to give everything on the platter - then u tend to become lazy....I won't say ur sil is lazy or not cos I dont know her side of the story...maybe ur sil feels that she is doing as much as she can with such a hectic job/career and ur mil is having unrealistic expectations...But I would like to ask a question to you - did your mom expect all this from you as a daughter as well ??? getting up early, helping in cooking and doing other household stuff and etc etc etc.......

And if ur dil is giving hints that she doesnt like living with ur mom - then why mess up the whole situation and make it even worst......we guys wanna accept it or not - when a guy gets married - he can fight with his wife only to an extent for his parents and then he just gives in and does as the wife says...who knows wats happening between ur brother and sil.....and if he is taking these issues up with his wife or not.....just becuase you dont get to know about them doesnt mean he is not acting on it.......

Coming to getting old and feeling insecure - As u have mentioned that ur brother/SIL are not taking good care of ur mom - then what makes you think that tomorrow when she is in need of them they will help her out, irrrespective of them living together or not.......

The way you have written things it projects that u have the worst sil and brother in this world.....and ur mom is a victim.....I am sure when ur sil will be asked she will have ten thousand issues as well related to ur mom......I feel for ur sil irrespective of how much you have bad mouthed her cos there are always 2 sides of a coin. The suggestions that are pouring in are all pointing that ur sil is an eveil women.....If ur mom is so unhappy about this arrangement why is she not taking this up with ur brother/sil....she is working as well...all are on equal page here when it comes to professional life...why is she keeping mum??? If ur response to this is that she doesnt want to disturb the peace at home then when she takes a decision to move out or ask them to move out - the peace of the house will be disturbed........

Its strange how women change !!!

Cheers

 

If you mom was my MIL, I'd have treated her like God! I am a reasonable person and I expect my MIL to be reasonable. That too has become a dream...such a bitch I have for a MIL..

I agree with what a lot of ppl said here. Your mom should either learn to make your SIL work or move out briefly.

How can your SIL expect your mom to cook for the puja she is doing for HER mom?? What a shameless creature she sounds like...My MIL should have got one such DIL to treat her like a maid... damn ...

 

Im curious to know what decision OP"s mom has taken.Only she can help herself...if she still thinks that moving out will create a rift...she will remain a servant for life.