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My Moms Issue

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Winniethepooh, Jun 6, 2021.

  1. Winniethepooh

    Winniethepooh Senior IL'ite

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    Hello all,
    Please help me solve this. My mom is staying with my brother for the past one and a half years. I live in Abu Dhabi now. My sil is very mean to my mom.
    She does not give any job to my mom nor allows her to do. My mother is very patient and asks daily if she can cut veggies to which she says no. All she does for my mom is give her food 3 times a day and snack/coffee. That too she just keeps in the table and goes. She never talks to my mom and answers if she asks her a question. She talks to everybody nicely and all have a good opinion about her. Now am not saying she’s bad but all my mom does throughout the day is sit in the chair, eat lunch,sleep, sit, eat dinner and sleep. As my brother has meetings the whole day, he can’t talk and becos am wfh and stuck in meetings, I too talk once or twice a week. My sil even talks to her maid nicely except my mom. How do you want me to handle this? And she has started asking my mom about when she’s planning to leave to Abu Dhabi. Am very sad and I can’t concentrate on my work. What do I do? pls tell sisters....
     
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  2. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    OP, I see another thread in Nov 2020 (A strange problem pls help me.. )started by you on the same topic...
     
    sandhya2020 likes this.
  3. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Need to talk to her nicely and ask what problem she has..indirectly did your mother make some criticism that was disliked, or some unintentional interference..or in general the SIL feels an invasion of privacy and wants to be free? Or she has a fear that idea she is too much nice and sweet and cordial with her MIL, her MIL will stay permanently with them hence not being pleasant with her?
    Does she have some issues with her husband? Is your brother putting unnecessary expectations on her w.r.t his mother and there some lack of quality time due to her presence?
    without knowing the reason, it’s tough to find solution.
    Personally, from my experience with in laws, I find it very draining on my time and energy the lack of privacy, the lack of freedom, the misunderstandings, the expectations, the increased workload...even if elders are initially nice, still sometimes differences in opinion do occur. Need to find out.
     
  4. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    That was a different, somewhat related issue. Own MIL in that thread, SIL's MIL in this thread. Lady of the home provides meals to MIL, and other than that the MIL is excommunicated - no talking, no trespassing into the kitchen, and so forth. One MIL has managed to use the situation to make friends in the other flats or neighbourhood; we do not know the MIL of this thread. There will be more information posted on what the mother of the OP does in her non-chair-sitting, or eating times.
     
    joylokhi and Thyagarajan like this.
  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    It looks like that presence of talkative MIL add zest to DIL?
     
  6. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    Wat much u can expect frm DIL !!she was taking care f ur mother and cming to communication may be she is less talkative or she doesn’t hav any topic to talk,if we r living in some village wil hav some topic to talk whn staying in apartment wat wil be dre to initiate to talk??abut whom she has to talk!y can’t ur mother to take initiation to speak some thing ??fn slowly ur sil wil share her views..
    As a daughter u don’t hav much time to talk wth ur mom dn y can’t u match her wth ur situation!!may b she s als feeling xasted after finishing her works and wants to take brake or may b ur brother was pressuring her to look not to do any wrks by ur mother..just don’t involve in dre family ,ofcource she s ur mother but now u r married and u hav family and if some one involves how u feel!!
    If possible take a break and plan a trip to ur mother to ur place ,accompany ur mother for few months and let ur sil take break and enjoy her life too..
    Everyone wil hav some dreams to enjoy dre life’s if dy r stuffed wth some other tasks and can’t full fill those dy wil feel frustrated
    Try to understand ur sil and share ur responsibility too
     
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  7. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    In your previous post you said all this- "My sil makes her cook everyday and makes her wash vessels when the maid does not come. She does not take care of her at all. If I ask her, she says your brother found my parents coming here a nuisance so why would I take care of your mom?( which is true)."

    Now it seems she has stopped giving any work at all.It is good.If your mom is interested to cut veggies, she should do- if DIL stops, tell the son. What is he doing i the situation?

    Your brother must address what is the issue why his wife behaves likes htis towards his mom.He should not have said those things about her parents- he needs to apologise truly and restore the happiness in the family.
     
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  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, you made valid points...instead of jumping into conclusions about the SIL, one needs to know what’s going on in her mind too..she is keeping her MIL safe, giving her three meals, not demanding any helps in household work, behaving in a civil way etc..it’s not easy for a woman to adjust with her MIL..one cannot talk freely or feel comfortable with chit chat the way we would talk with others...husbands too can be demanding...the OP s brother may have irritated the SIL by making rules that she should do all work herself and not make the MIL work, and expressed a few unrealistic expectations too..he himself may have picked a fight if his mother cut vegetables...the SIL is taking up all work, making all three meals, looking after her kids and chores,..sacrificing her privacy and freedom..give her a break. It’s very tough for her too...I still feel so uncomfortable with my In laws here though it’s been long time they’re staying here,..I remember even earlier, when my MIL used to visit us for shorter durations, how uncomfortable I was..when two generations live together always there is difference in opinion and as long as there are no major fights and all are living peacefully , op needs to chill.
     
  9. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    S it’s totally depends upon the mil too how she behaves and how she responds when she talks,op should share the responsibility of talking care of her mother if she felt it’s her responsibility to involve in ds matter if not it’s totally there family issue let dy solve it or let op mother to speak wth her ..if sil not taking proper care dn can question her but she was full filled her needs ..op should not interfere in this if she involves the situation may become worst if her sil asks her to share responsibility wat she can answer??
    We should not expect everything frm a single person,y can’t ur mother go for some walking and make frnds and can divert her mind spiritually als dre r lot of spiritual bks y can’t she engage her self in dse luckily she got tim and no responsibilities for her she can start to read some bks rather than thinking about her mil
    If it’s hurts u am sry op but should b in realistic and understand d others situation too and adjust accordingly..and op u als suggest ur mom not to think abut all dse much and order some bks for her
     
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