My life changes after marriage but unfortunately, I need ur advice desparately.

My heart goes out to you....you have gone through so much as such a young age..."hugs".

Be firm in your decision that you will not go back to that hell. Society, family are not undergoing physical and emotional torture.. YOU are. So you have to be strong and tell them to back off. Since you are educated, try to become financially independent first by trying to get any small job anywhere as soon as possible. Once you are employed, you can leave your parents house and stay away from your grandmother who is controlling your life. You can leave your son in some creche or babysitting while you go for your job. Be strong and assertive. When you become independent you can decide..if you want to divorce or go back to him. If you go back to him...it should be on YOUR terms ..not on your family / his family or your grandmom.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers...dont worry... your faith in God and your confidence in yourself will pull you through.

 

I have no words to express the pain I feel for women like you who are forced to live a life for other people.

I cannot imagine what you are going through and I won't attempt to sound as if I understand your pain completely...it is mind-boggling that your parents married you under-age and at 23 years you have experienced so much emotional baggage, physical torture, and mental trauma. This all I can say to you: God sees you and He alone fully understands your pain. He loves you unconditionally and is willing to make your life whole again. Trust in Him because He has promised "Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)...

Here are a few practical tips:

1. Take your child and remove yourself physically from the place where you are being abused...this is for your safety and mental well-being
2. Forget what your paatti, pootti, and kollu thaatha opines about your life! I am sure they all realize the big mistake they made in marrying you at such a tender age and spoiling your future. Yet they are forcing you to go back to that hell just to save their face in front of the "naalu paeru" in society...and these "naalu paeru" have ruined the lives of countless women in the past...so don't become a part of that sorry statistic.
3. It's good that you have at least your mother on your side. Think about the pros and cons of a divorce...pray about it and find out where God is leading you (yes, God can speak!)...take a wise decision because this will have a long-term impact on you and your child.
4. Get a job...if your family is not supporting you with further studies, try to work and fund your PG or certificate course. A correspondence degree will not be enough to get a good job. Identify certificate programs or part-time degree courses that you can complete while you work. You can even approach banks for educational loans.

You have a very tough and long road ahead. But, with God on your side, you can face any problem that life throws at you! Be strong and courageous...you are very young and have your whole life ahead of you. With determination and single-minded focus you can earn back all that you have lost since your marriage.

I wish you all the best and pray God gives you the wisdom and grace to face the battle ahead.

 

Please move out before you go mad! Sorry if I sound harsh but the pain you have gone through is enough!
Can I ask you something you say you husband is a drunkard all the time that you have been married then why did you bring another life into the picture??
What can you do when your husband beats you up, live in constant fear? TYour patti has lived her life you have yours ahead and people will come for your sister's aksing in marraige that is what is worrying your folks I guess!
If you are game to live alone away from all of them then do so, so that your decisions cannot be influenced by anyone else! Get a job and move on , I know it is not easy but take the first step so that all else will fall in place! Good luck and hugs!!

 

Dear Shridi...

REally really feeling very bad after reading your story here...but you have been really bold by getting your degree...:hatsoff to you for that and really hats off for living in this horrible life for all these years waiting for your H to change all these years....you are loaded with patience...the happy part is amongst all the people around you,your mom is a big support...good to know that....

(1)dont spoil your life staying with such a animal...sorry to sound harsh,i mean your H
(2)what are your ILs call on this...?!!!..what are they saying??
(3)sorry to say but i believe that even your father is a big momma boy (by granny here i feel from your post is your dad's mother...sorry if i am wrong)even at this age that too when his own daughter is suffering like this....he should be a real coward not to do anything even after 7 years...talk to him and ask him to worry about your life and not about the people around and especially your grandmother's...i believe she is the one spoiling many things now....
(4)speak back to your grandmother...how horrible she could be to push you again to that horrible life....you will end up in frustation/stress....thats like committing suicide each and every day....talk back to your granny...give her left and right...maybe she is one among the many old generation thinking who hates daughters/girls and would try to push them out of home...really i am even more astonished when i think how your mother would have spent her married life with such a lady at home?!!!
(5)dont keep hunting for your H...call all the relatives(yourside and your H's side) at home,tell them that you cant live with that animal and you want divorse....for sure...if possible get some good money,talking about getting money at this point might not be right but atleast that would help you to raise your kid and moreover it would be a minor punishment for spoiling your life,cant equalise to the tortures you have received all these years physically and mentally but still,some use of you getting married to a rich person(the same plus told by your parents and granny found for getting your married to him )
(6)take up a job and stay away from your house as they ll keep troubling you before/after you get divorse...

dont loose your hope...our fellow ILites would give you more valuable advises(you already have a few now)...dont worry...lead your life happily hereafter...meahwhile try to distract yourself with a job/hobby activities,something to just forget these bitter things even if its for 5 minutes..

i believe you have already started a thread for the same topic a year back...
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/114653-my-life-changes-lot-after.html
Have you started to implement the things that our ladies had suggested??...any improvement?...its really sad to know that even in this 1 year,things have not changed for you...hope some miracle happens soon...all the very best!!!!!!

@Janani::glad to see your sugegstions for the OP ...good ones...
but sorry to oppose for these lines of yours

First and foremost she was married , i believe she would not have known even 10% of what marriage is!!!(looking at the age she got married),leave behind sex...she was too too young...she would have never thought that she would get married at that age...

The OP herself had mentioned that she got a baby after a year of marriage which implies she got conceived when she was hardly 17 years....she has also mentioned that she dint know the ABC of sexual life too...she would have been too young to understand the precautionary measures to take to prevent pregnancy and might have never thought about them either...

Lets consider the fact that she was put in the torture very soon after her marriage..even then for sure the relatives including her parents would have said "your H would come back to you and enjoy your life once you get a baby"...an immediate free advise that 90% of the previous(few of the current generation too) ladies would give....the OP who was both young by age and considering the maturity at that age and also the turmoil that her mind/body would be going through,she would have thought to implement it and that would have been the reason for bringing a life in that horrible situation...even today if i go and advise 10 ladies who have serious problems with their husbands about bringing a baby,i am sure close to 6-7 or even 8 might atleast THINK about that suggestion,only the remaining 3-4 people might say a no...most of the the ladies who are more educated/more matured would defenetely fall for this idea...why go somewhere,we do have a lot of ladies in IL mentioning the same idea of bringing a baby to solve their problem with their husband...so blaming a 17 year old(then) ,i feel is not correct....

I am sorry janani,i am not trying to put you down or point your mistakes,thats not my intension either...just wanted to clear things on behalf of your OP here

 

how old is ur husband? go to police station and complain about him.. let him go to jail and spend his life.. he should not die but suffer lonely and realise ur value..fail for divorce and demand some lakhs from him.. i know its wrong to demand money but u can use it for ur kids future and ur studies.. study well .. show all ur fierceness in studies and prove who you are..

if ur patti says something, tell her frankly that she had lived her life and its time for her to shut up.. its rude but she is telling 2 sister are there and u can die right.. so nothing wrong and tell her u have already spoilled my life and now its time for her to go to hell.. if dad is angry, ask him to wake up from 7 years sleep and ask him to be MAN first, then ur father.. i cannot digest ur granny and father doing this..

will ur sister help u? .. i know u are only young and ur sisters should be much more younger... if ur immediate sister is in job, will she help u in ur studies.. if yes, please do that..

dont worry.. Baba will surely help u.. u will come out with flying colors in life..spend next few years in studies and find a job.. then u can think abt re-marriage..

 

I dont know what to say for all these. Dear Shiridi baba is there and he will remove all your agonies soon. You come out of the house and stick to your job. Try maximum and help yourself as no one is going to help you when you are going through bad times. Try to manage first and take care of your baby do not listen to others. OMG you are just 23 I just cannot think dear you are so underage. You just try to have control over yourself and dont go back to that hell.

 

Dear OP - I am so proud of you being so young and yet so strong as to make a decesion to stop living with him. You are a survivor!! And you will succeed!!

 

May the god gives u strength & courage to bear the pain in ur life..get a divorce..be determinate..try to go for a job & take care of ur baby.dont worry dear..

 

he is an alcohol addict..his addiction wont stop by you showering him with love or shouting at him..he needs medical treatment,period.i knw u went for a psychiatrist checkup..dint they direct you to a more concentrated clinic?..anywayz,the descision to take him to a doctor is completely yours..because you have already endured enough...only advice is study,finish your education,get a job,take care of your baby and get remarried when you are ready and if u fell like it...right now dont pay any attetion to your grandmom or fathers words..with the help of your moms support atleast do some certifications and move out of the house and get a job so that you can fund your education yourself and live peacefully..as u living in your house for a long time mite make your father and grandmom in either sending you back or getting you married again or just abusing(physical and mental)all the time..you have had enough.