My Husband's Emotional Black Mails

Thank you everyone for your time and efforts in understanding my problems and assisting me with your valuable suggestions.
Venting and hearing back from people always helps. I feel normal after venting here

To answer some of the questions directed at here....

1) @paru123 I have never expected my H to take up financial responsibility to run the family.
He can be himself and enjoy the life with us. But I would certainly expect him to share the parenting responsibility while I take care everything else.
He gets so distracted and behaves like another teen at home. This adds to my frustration.
He himself is worried about his joblessness, and tries millions of ways to secure a job. But being in this profession for so long, I can sense from my experience that none of his attempts are gonna help him unless he upgrades himself and shows positivity.

Since he is worried about job, and it seems the path is too far right now, I have suggested alternative options. It was just to tell him that he has options, and he can explore other ways rather than knocking the closed door for a million times.

2) @Desiindian
Your's is a good question which was asked by a lot of people in the past.
I love him... I care for him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And I know, he can be happy and safe only with me.
If I leave him at this state, he will have no one to be with or no one to provide for, or no one to share the rest of his life.

Love is selfless, and I never loved him for his money or support.
With God's help, I have a job which pays more than 2 person's salary and a lot of other supports. I have a great support system that's stays as my backbone all the time.

My H was cheated by his parents, and he is yet to come out from their ties. But he is showing great progress, which shows he is trying.

We have no problems in our life, except his mood swings and frustrations. This makes him sad, hence the reaction. This is his problem, and I/we are trying our best to bring him out of this.

His financial capacity is never a question in our marriage. We are fine!

 

@Vedhavalli, and @MalStrom
He is already a Phd holder with many many certifications. It was nothing, but his destiny that he choses to follow his dad who had pushed him down to this grave. They punished him for going against their decisions. They bankrupted him because they expected a huge dowry from his marriage. He was cheated emotionally, and it took him a decade to come out of it. Now that, he had to start everything from the scratch. It is hard, but he will be fine.

I did not ask him to start working to get something from him. But to divert his idle mind which is becoming a devils workshop after all had happened with him.
The options that I suggested were the ones that's in our control. If he wishes, he can chose from the lot.
If not, he is free to stay idle and find a way to kill his boredome.

But, it is impossible to invest money into something where I have no control and force him to run it.

@madhat
Even I have seen greedy parents, in laws and other humans in life and movies. But no of them could beat my FIL. He is from another level.
He married MIL just for money. He even told this to us and others, saying "I married this dark woman without even seeing her face just for money. I weighed the gold, and counted the cash before I signed the marriage document. I could have married an educated & beautiful woman instead, but money was my priority then".
He had never shared his salary with MIL, expect for the bare minimum quota to feed the family. For everything else, MIL depended on her brothers.
He had sold most of her jewels (almost 50 sovereigns) before her brothers' intervened and put the remaining into a safety locker. Since then, he had cut all the ties with her side of the relatives and made her an orphan since then.
This man wanted a coconut land, a villa house and a luxury car with a driver for his retirement. And forced all the 3 of his sons to take huge dowries during their marriage, so that he can buy all the above & enjoy his retirement.

He knew, normal brides won't give such huge dowries to marry his sons; hence planned to marry them off to the not-normal brides for money.
For my H, he proposed a canadian Tamil woman who was 10 yr older to him, and she was a dovorcee with a child. This divorcee was ready to pay a huge dowry for whatever the reason.

For my BIL, he actually married off a woman who was older and looked much much older because of her body shape (During their marriage she weighed 100 kgs) and later we came to know that she can't deliver a child due to health complications. She was from UK, and she paid a huge dowry too.

Again, the 3rd BIL also married a woman who had just ran away with her BF and returned home after a year. This was known to all, and no one in their circle was ready to marry her due to social shaming. But FIL married off his 3rd son to her by obtaining a huge dowry.

I have no comments about these women or their choice of life. But marriage with them should come from love and not based on money.
Both my BILs have agreed to their dad and are happily married ( at least I guess so). I have no complaint with co-sis's either.

Here, I did not give that huge dowry because it was a love marriage. FIL somewhat made us bankrupted and taken from us more than other DILs gave him.

But the process was so tricky and my H became the victim of that.

Sadly all the 3 sons are not in talking terms with their parents.