my husband hates my family

Is yours a love marriage?

He sounds like a real piece of cake! Just sit him down once and for all and remind him of all of his pre-marital "dialogs" towards you, such as not wanting to get paid to marry, not being interested in your parents' assets etc. Ask him what changed his attitude in such a short time? Get him to talk, so to speak. His defense (since he really has NONE) should be interesting!

And if he wants a divorce, just call him on his bluff. A cousin of mine asked her husband to get the divorce forms and that she would sign wherever he wanted after he told her for the Nth time that he wanted a divorce. That was the LAST time he ever mentioned it again!

In the meantime, be patient and learn to ignore some issues. While it is tempting, do not engage him in a verbal duel, esp. when he starts reaming in, on your parents. Just give him a cold stare and walk out of the room (or even the house), if need be. Eventually, he will give it up as it would be a fruitless endevor to try to rile you up.

Good luck!

 

Hi dear.....

I can understand ur feeling....but i ll tel you its very common issue happens in every door step. I know it hurts when somebody blames our parents but to avoid certain problems its better to keep quite rather than argueing. and do not put everything into your mind and get confused. sit wit your hubby talk politely and calmly and ask what is he expecting from your parents.....make him understand that you will not be cheated by your parents. never talk about divorce. sometimes it happens that he might be making fun and wants you to get irritated......just speak with him....there is so much to learn in family life and this is one among them. enjoy your married life....hope your hubby is keeping you happy physically....does he loves you very much? Does he shares his views, about his friens family ect.,? If this all is normal then this matter will also get alrite as the time passes.

Happy married life enjoy this life.......

Regards
nithu

 

Littlelola

As Malyatha suggested, next time your husband starts his rile-fest, really do walk out of the house, and do not return for a few hours. It really does work wonders. It did for me.

When you just do not talk back, he has the last word, and when you just leave that place, that gives him time to reflect on his words, and believe me eventually he will realize how ridiculous he sounds, and may even stop doing it. It worked for me, just that in my case, I was the one that said angry things and my husband was the one who used to walk away! I was left with my own words ringing in my ears, and I stopped spewing just anything that came to me in anger when that happened a few times.

In the meantime, just ask you father to stop buying him anything, because obviously he doesn't deserve such niceties. Next time he says anything, just tell him to return the clothes, and that you will send it back and tell your father not to waste money! Also, ask him once calmly if he is interested in actually being happy or if he is interested in only your father's property. He seems like a child who throws tantrums and thinks he can get things done by hurting you, but doesn't actually mean anything.

 

Hi

First try and speak to your husband when he is a good mood..Tell him that you really love him, but that does not mean he can say mean things about your parents. Try to make him understand that just like how you respect his parents even he needs to respect yours.. Try to remind him what and all he promised before the marriage. Ask him why he has suddenly changed...

One thing is - In any marriage be it love marriage or arranged marriage - you (husband n wife) need to put some efforts to make it work. Even if your hubby is constanly trying to critise or do something, you try and be patient for few months..Try to have an open communication...
All thebest.
niv

 

Dear Lola,

I am assuming that you and your DH are staying away from your parents and in-laws on your own in US.

Since it has just been 6 months since you got married, you both should be making the best of this time to connect with each other and build a good rapport and understanding.

From what I read, most of your fights are about his attitude towards your parents. I do understand that he is wrong in making such comments about your parents.But looks like mostly, he starts off some topic about your parents, that irritates you and you defend your parents, which irritates him and you both end up having a big fight.

I am not justifying him, but it is a possibile that he is acting immature and making all these allegations about your parents because it is making him feel as if you are giving more importance to your parents and less to him.

I would suggest that if this is DH's attitude, discourage discussions about your parents. Dont give him a chance to complain about them or critizise them. If he starts to do that,just cut it off and tell him 'Letz not discuss about my parents'.

Try to spend quality time together and do fun things together which both of you enjoy. Make him feel that he is your biggest priority. Gradually, the fights will reduce and his attitude towards your parents would change.

 

Hello Littlelola,

I can relate your incidents with that of mine. Within 1 week of my marriage my husband started complaining about my parents saying that the gold chain and the bracelet that my parents have gifted him is not worth what he is expecting. And his parents treat his sister, BIL and their family like gods and give royal treatments. Where as my parents don’t treat my DH and IL’s to their expectations. As far as I know my parents treat them very well. And always my husband wants my parents to be their slaves. When ever he gets gifts from my parents he throws awkward comments on that which makes me sick. He always wants to make fun of family. My FIL always pour fuel into this. My FIL always ask my hubby as what my dad is given to him and he compares with other families. Initially they told they do not expect any dowry or and what ever I earn my DH will not be bothered. But things changed immediately after my wedding.
After my marriage my DH demanded my salary should be put in joint a/c and I should not open a separate a/c. And my father gave me a flat in b’lore worth 80 lacks as a gift for that he told me to write on his name. (Which I didn’t)
I told my parents everything as what he thinks about them and what he is doing to me. Now parents don’t even care either for my in-laws or my DH. My family is always very supportive to me. Seeing the torture what I was getting my dad told me to leave my dh and he will take care of me and my baby ( He told right in front of my in-laws and my dh) . Now neither my DH nor my in-laws talk to my parents in which now I am very happy as he stopped commenting. I hate my DH behaviour towards my parents. And I am certain on a long run he will repent for he is done. And have told him plenty of times as not to forget that ‘he is also a father of a girl now’

When your DH starts commenting do not argue where it makes things worst. Just ignore as what he talks about your parents. At one point make sure you inform his parents as how he is hurting you. Also it’s better to inform your parents not to give any gifts as such where they don’t deserve them.

Some DH’s think they are god and rest all should dance to their tunes.

So don’t think you are only one who is facing this…there are plenty of women who are going through this ….. Cheer up and enjoy your life!

- Monica.

 

Hi Dear,

Dont worry.Pray to God.

Because such type of person's will not realise their mistake.

Only God can save you.

I too will pray for you.