1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

my hubby's friendship

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sa7500, Mar 15, 2010.

  1. sa7500

    sa7500 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    hi 2 everyone in indusladies.............
    wanna share my problem n need help......

    am married since 1yr..mine is arranged marriage.my huppy is silent type....doesn't share his views....but when i speak he responds sometimes nicely or else ignores me.... he does not plan anything properly n i look after almost everything.his character annoys me n v hav fights often...but i love him so much that i go back n speak with him within ten min...

    the main fight between us almost everyday is his friendship with a girl in his office.he says tat she is his best friend n he loves me very much.......i hav not seen her or spoken wit her.....she din even wish me on my marriage.....she has not even interested in seeing our marriage album. can a best friend behave so indifferently with hers friends wife.........

    she msg him at night even midnt n he should reply her.....or else she calls him immediately.............he answers her going out 2 balcony..am really upset wit this...........when i ask why she is calling at this time cant she wait till morning..........he says tat she has some problem n he doesnot want 2 discuss his friends personal problem with me..........he says she loves someother guy n he left her so she is worried......

    i am unable 2 understand why she is saying i love u in her msgs...........my husband shouts at me when i see his msg n fight with me that am narrowminded n is not believing him.................

    am an engineer n worked in an mnc.........left my job 4 him and ready 2 do anything 4 him but unable 2 tolerate his secret friendship.........what should i do.........please help me
     
    Loading...

  2. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    385
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    So sad to hear about your husband's friendship.

    Its not wrong to have a close or best friend. But I think its your right to know how close they are. And your husband should not be hesitating to tell you about the so called friend. Why does'nt he let you check his mobile if there is nothing wrong in his relationship??

    If this has been going on for a very long time now, I guess you must try to find out from a common friend or someone from your husband's office on whats going on.
     
  3. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    11
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    It sure is fishy. Try to get to the bottom of this. Why should she be saying I love you to your hubby???? And your hubby talking secretly away from you???
    Ask your hubby upfront what is the matter??? He should explain you if there is nothing to be worried else you have a HUGE problem with this man.
     
  4. sa7500

    sa7500 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    i hav been asking this 4 around 1yr...........he says same answer that she is his best friend..........before marriage she was msg like this n he was replying..........he gives great importance 2 friendships n i should believe him............... now a days he has stopped mid nt msg or cals but she cals in day time .......... he says tat he cannot tell her straight not 2 msg him or cal him since she is his so called best friend..........but otherwise he is good .........he wants me 2 believe him n live happy wit him ......... sometimes he admits tat midnt msg n cal is wrong on his part but is not avoiding her cals.................... am really upset ........what should i do
     
  5. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    818
    Likes Received:
    23
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Having a female colleague as a friend is one thing but the girl saying 'I love you' to a married man is definitely crossing the line. But again, what is the context in which it is said? I say 'I love you' to bloke friends often when they do favours or go out of their way and it is simply a exaggerated term of endearment and nothing more. Does not mean I love them and want to get in the sack with them. I love you could mean different things in different contexts so I really don't know what context it is said in your specific case. It could be that the girl says 'I love you' to express appreciation for whatever your husband does for her or it could be something more than that. You need to find out what the real relationship is between your husband and this girl.
     
  6. sa7500

    sa7500 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    i don know in what context she says i love u but its irritating me .............my husband is telling that am making his good friendship an unnecessary issue n spoiling my life............sometimes i even feel tat girl loves him n he is thinking her as good friend n explaining her 2 understand life.......... am feeling this way since he says it wil b ok when she gets married ........ he also says tat she loves someother guy but he left her.......now he has gone 4 onsite but even now i am always thinking why he is unable 2 understand a wife's possessiveness and unable 2 avoid her msg or cal...........my health is getting worse day by day........
     
  7. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    818
    Likes Received:
    23
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Well I can understand how it can irritate you but if your husband says she is just a good friend and you cannot prove otherwise or have any evidence that there is more to it than what he really says, then you'll have to trust him. You can be possessive over your husband but you cannot mandate that he cease and desist all interaction with all female colleagues and friends of his, which I think is unreasonable. If you think there is something between those two than what your husband claims their relationship really is, then you need to get some evidence. Otherwise this is a wild goose chase and you are worrying yourself over imaginary things.
     
  8. Serenity_John

    Serenity_John Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    195
    Likes Received:
    23
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    First of all, calm down!

    It's really good that you love him and he loves you too. But do know that excessive possessiveness simply backfires on you and changes your personality to the worse. it's really hard to change yourself back to normal at that point, trust me! So, don't let it affect your health. If it's affecting you that much, you should either trust your husband's words and calm your possessiveness or confront him to the point of arousing his anger on you for your lack of trust as a wife.

    Now, about his female friend. I think she was his friend before your marriage to him right? Normally, their friendship-contact would go down (not fully) after marriage since you two need your time. However, your husband now admits that it's wrong to encourage her to call at nighttime to disturb you two. He realizes that this is affecting you but as a friend he's also torn between helping his best friend who's going through difficult time in relationship and you not supporting him. Understand his position a bit more. I'm sure he will appreciate your kindness and love for supporting him and trusting him when he's in stress about her. Confronting him frequently at this time only increases stress in him that in anger he might say something to you he will surely regret later. Don't let things get to that stage over other people... EVER!

    Now if you want to confront him about this, try to do it calmly... Ask him pointed questions if he thinks its ok for a person to call opposite sex friend late at night after marriage. and other similar questions. let him speak to you the answers and you simply listen and try to understand his reasoning. you will have much better sense of why he's trying to support that girl. don't try to judge/talk AS he speaks. just listen and understand... and ask questions again...

    try to get to the root of hte problem... it's not that girl. it's the lack of trust between you two that's the problem (as I see it). you two love each other... that's granted. but do you think that he will be seduced by someone else easily? do you think that he can cheat on you without feeling guilty in any moment? does he think that you should love and trust him more instead of confronting him on things? does he think that you are becoming more and more negative and not showing appreciation/love to him properly like before?

    Ask each other questions. and listen... simply listen to each others' answers.

    Now about this girl. She should've understood more that after marriage, whether male or female, a person needs to spend more time with spouse than friends... as much unpleasant it is... it is the truth. I think she will learn this herself when she marries and sees how much time taking care of house and husband takes and how friendships go down due to this. But she's in a relationship only right now... a relationship that's having problems and she needs some kind of support from her friend (your husband) to resolve her problems.

    Just like how you are asking us for support and solution to your problem, she's asking her best friend for support and solution to her problem.

    I really suggest that you don't confront your husband right now about this... wait till she gets back to normal about her relationship. then you talk calmly to your husband. and give him support and courage to tell his best friend that he's there whenever she needs him as a friend but his family is important and he doesn't wish his family to experience inconvenience over his friends. you again ask him pointed questions and tell him that as a friend, sweeping this under rug isn't good and he should be able to tell her tactfully when time is right that she should think about his family before calling at inappropriate times and stuff. not telling her about it will only result in you and him harboring negative feelings for that girl which is not good for your relationship and your husband's friendship. so calmly convince your husband after that girl resolves her relationship issues and get back to normal.

    Now, about this "i love you" business. Your husband loves you and you love your husband, right? You can't control how anyone else feels for you or your husband. So, just don't think about it because it doesn't matter in end. your husband wouldn't leave your side for any girl because he loves you as a wife... and you wouldn't leave his side for any guy because you love him as husband. so whether that girl told "i love you" to show exaggerated appreciation for his help and support as best friend or something else, it shouldn't matter to you two because you two don't want to even consider leaving each others' side for anyone's sake like that, right?

    So, consider this seriously before you do anything. Do you love him? Does he love you? How much? Do you trust in him? Does he trust you? How much?

    Good luck!
     
  9. sa7500

    sa7500 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    thank u very much serejohn........i feel better after reading ur views
     
  10. Serenity_John

    Serenity_John Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    195
    Likes Received:
    23
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    no problem. i wish the best for your future!
     

Share This Page