My hubby says am over reacting on his friendship with a lady collegue...

Hi friend , not talking to wife is an old trick used by men to bring her down to her knees. He will give the cold behaviour till she agrees to his views or stops complaining. And they call women manipulative !
He wants you to accept his flirty behaviour since you are expecting a baby and are deep into the relationship. Either you stop complaining about his activities or live like this , he is unwilling to change.
He has not reponded to your e mail by changing his behaviour so just let him be. Do not hover around him trying to break the ice.
Think of your baby and ignore him. At this point your health is important and not his dalliances with females. He will be surprised to see the change in you.
Can you go to your parents for the delivery ? This will give you respite from his activities and worries. Call someone from home to give you company.

 

Using the past as weapon is a double-edged strategy, can backfire. Whether this situation qualifies for that extreme-of-extreme cases where you want to take such a risk, and whether it was justified here, only you need to be the judge of that. You have the best context of your life and know abt the DH.

Normally using such a strategy of using the past as a weapon, has the risk of driving the spouse further away.

 

Dear friend,
CONGRATS on ur pregnancy
I just read ur long story and also read up on bicornuate uterus as I had not heard that term before. Look like u have to be very very careful about ur pregnancy, isn't it?

I understand how painful it is for u because ur hubby is behaving like this but this is really a time to focus on ur pregnancy. Pls stay out of worries, tension, stress, anxiety and excitement. Focus on ur baby and enjoy the ride. Relax and pray well for a healthy baby.

I believe you are not working now? Are u on bedrest? Why don't you do some reading or something creative like embroidery, knitting or crochet or something like that? Do u have any friends or neighbours who can teach u these crafts if u don't know them?

Spend ur energy on positive things. I'm sure ur hubby will become a doting dad once the baby is born. All the very best to u!!!

 

Its good that you didnt try to use it as a weapon. A lot of the times how a message is delivered is important, Good luck with your DH and also with your pregnancy.

 

Hi Painful Tears,

COngrats:thumbsup on your pregnancy!

Divert your mind from all this woes and try to be happy and live for yourself for atleast few hours a day. Its very very important for you and the baby.

Your husband "apologizing" and asking for time to distance from his colleague confirms your doubts on him.

Because any partner who learns of something that is annoying the partner would put a full stop right away.

He is trying to pacify you by creating symphathy again stating that you are bringing in the past to make him bow to your wish.Its a simple strategy used by all men- get the symphathy of the partner for they cannot run to any one else for cover.

Warn him seriously that the next time you spot somehting like this in his life you would not ask for his explanation and that you would take some serious decision.

In fact i do really mean the same. I do not see any point in living with someone who is flirtatious and does not want to change himself!

Yes. Its a pain to have a life when the partner keeps on flirting with others, but i do not think that your husband is all the more dangerous person to the extent of betraying you.

Try to do something new - change the topics you discuss, create new common interests for yourselves and try to figure out what interests him the most (reg topics of discussion, way of talking, etc etcc..)

But for some more time till you see him taking some serious steps to change himself - be neutral, neither overinteractive or keeping aloof.

Do include routines in your life that portray your individualism to him ( Men are always attracted to women who show their individualit;-) ) Once they have a surrendered woman, they stop looking at her.
Many girls do the mistake of liviing for their husbands; there is always a time for that when you have lost all your teeth and your hair has turned all grey but not now- when you have your own likes and dislikes and brains that work and and intelligence that otherwise goes un noticed.

Hence indulge in things tht make you happy, show off your intelligence, make your talents visible and be happy for yourself and the kid, make plans for the baby, think of positive things and start living your life a little bit for yourself too.

Soon i want to see a post from you stating that you wished to have a better id

Take Care and All the Best!:thumbsup

 

My heart goes for you dear. pls. dont show the thread to ur hubby. it makes it worst. In person u can try to distract your husband instead of let him feel that u r watching.. find out what exactly interests him.. may be he likes talking sweet nothings.. or he may expects u to act like a gal friend rather a wife.. try to give him romantic surprises.. i know its not easy with the guys who are showing interest outside home..but not impossible as long as they have responsibility sense.

As one of the friends said, u can get in touch with that gal n subtly warn her.

 

Painful tears reminding her DH's past behavior is not using it as a weapon! She is pointing out to him that this is a pattern! Why is it that there is a name for anything women do (i.e. names like nagging, manipulating, bringing up the past etc) but when men do it, there is no frame put around it. The point here is that when any behavior occurs once or twice (once is enough when it comes to fidelity issues), that's one thing. But when the same behavior continues even after being told not to do it, then it's a pattern of behavior. Then they need to be pointed out that it's not a one time mistake but something more serious. This also makes it harder to change but men like to get away with their mistakes without connecting the dots of their past (same) mistakes. They would like to make the women the monsters by focusing on the reaction of women instead of their own bad actions in the first place.

@FLOWERLADY: Ignoring the problem is neither easy nor fruitful since this is not a small issue. This is a potentially life altering problem. Yes Painful tears should take care of herself and pregnancy etc but where the heck is that husband of hers ignoring her well being??