Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Apr 24, 2017.
Definitely not. That's the interesting twist
How to say NO without an accompanying reason should be learnt like a life skill.
I read this long ago in of those advice columns where a reader asked Miss Manners how to decline to a dinner invitation when one simply doesn't want to go. The best way to decline an invitation you receive or a self-invitation people issue to themselves is to say NO in minimal words and not giving a reason. Almost any reason will give rise to workarounds being presented.
"I am sorry we will not be able to host you at our home. We would be happy to meet you for lunch at a place convenient to you."
"Thank you for the invitation. I am afraid we will not be able to make it this time. Hope we can get together soon."
In either case if probed for reason, have a response ready and keep repeating that. Only that. Such as "we have other plans." or "it does not work with our other plans." "that day/week is packed. we hope to meet at a time when we are more relaxed." Husband and wife should use the same words. For some time people will be upset, ridicule the reason, but eventually they will come around. If they don't, good riddance.
If all else fails, and people self-invite themselves shamelessly, simply go about your life as usual. Lock up the important stuff in one room, and go to the mall, movie, shopping, park, library, museum, temple, car oil change, beauty parlor. I usually go to the "dentist" as for some reason that "reason" works always.
When the waiter comes and asks whether all are done eating/ordering, or brings the check, simply ask for it to be split into two.
Even better, tell the waiter when ordering itself that check should be split. If you are really ticked off, be specific about who is paying for what. Order separately. This will give the "guests" a heads-up and they will order carefully, rather than letting child pick whatever he wants and ordering multiple items happily. Such "American" (Dutch?) splitting will shock people one time, then, they will get used to it.
When choosing a restaurant, let guests also have a say. In deciding, mention how upscale the place is. I would say something like, 'lunch for a family of four costs $50. Buffet is $14..."
Overall, don't blame the people for taking advantage. Nip the inability to say No. If husband finds it difficult to say No, let him be the host himself. Do this pleasantly, not with too much nagging or discussion. Once the arrival of the "guests" is unavoidable, make your own plans for that day or weekend. They are his friends. Let him host them. You be there for a breakfast or dinner. Arranging the guest room, bathroom, showing them where is what in the kitchen... skip all that. Just go out.
It is difficult to learn to be blunt or frank with guests. We found it hard to tell people to take off their shoes before entering the house. I could never understand how Indian people can see so many shoes outside and still enter the house with shoes on. Again, these are also old friends!
Well. Why suggests with a 12 month kid.??
Seems DH told we are going for weekend, deliberately he booked tickets on Wednesday, also the friend self invited on Thanksgiving weekend, I clearly said no to DH.
Then the friend preponed the tickets. I asked Dh if the friend how he would take, if we did that to him. He would clearly decline to host.
His wife would show us the door. Why should I be a cook, cleaner. This is not hotel.im exhausted with fighting.
All these things started with a guy who told everyone about us. I feel he is doing that wantedly. He is no more a friend, he is frenemy.
Since it's holiday season, plus the have free food accommodation here.
What kind of hosting services and accommodation do you guys provide, exactly... that this friend is giving you a live 5-star yelp review, that everyone wants to come to your house?
I love to host people, but no one comes to my house :-(
I think you should take those days off and give yourself some pampering.. book yourself into a nice hotel and spend a couple of days relaxing. Leave your obliging husband to deal with the pushy guests and see how fast he learns to say "NO" next time without any hesitation
On a serious note though, how shameless are these people to not even take the multiple hints you've thrown at them. I reckon that it's perfectly justified to be a little rude to such people, I mean these are not the kind of friends you should be pleasing at all costs.