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My House Becoming Transit Centre

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Apr 24, 2017.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    In the opening post, I had mentioned about the DH's friend, he called on the weekend asked if he could stay for a night as he is visiting someone near my place. My DH simply refused said we are have some work.
    The friend didn't tell us anything else. Suddenly calling on Friday saying if he could come along with another friend (my DH school friend) and his mom dad coming to our place, by having speaker on the car while calling.
    DH asked them to come for lunch.
    They all came around 6 people. Suddenly the friend told my DH didn't pick or drop to airport. I said the requests are coming almost every other week. He is not a driver, he can't get off/ his boss isn't my bro.
    In a polite and comical way.
    Now DH says, the friend deliberately telling other school/ college friends that we are living in this city and we are good hosts.
    After we came to know another friend xxx is planning for a trip next month with his family.
    I totally got pissed off and told DH , no.
    If someone comes, it will be very bad. No more self inviting guests I'm tired of them.
    My DH called the visiting friend xxx, said no over night stay, but welcome for dinner or lunch.
    Now the Friend xxx, told DH since they are coming with a baby 13 month old they need kitchen access. Hotel stay won't be comfortable. Etc etc. Some how he convinced my DH host them for 3 days. I'm totally against it. I said ask him to book Airbnb.DH said can't say this, at that time it didn't strike him.
    From Diwali I have been attending potlucks, cooking for 15-20 persons on weekends.
    I'm totally exhausted, I can't cater 3 more people for 3 days.also he is likely to extend his stay...
    I really can't sulk, I don't know how to do it.
    DH n I had a big fight now.
    He is says, he is understanding my situation..yet can't say NO.
    I'm thinking to move from 2bhk to 1bhk because of these idiots, who think they have free food n accommodation for sightseeing n airport services.
    1) DH stopped pick up drop to airport
    2) we firmly said no overnight stay for friend's friends.
    Now new issue cropped up school friends are coming, what to do on this side, when we people invite themselves?
    We said No yet they are so manipulatative to convince DH.
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2017
  2. DXBDesi

    DXBDesi Silver IL'ite

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    best thing is DH and you are on the same page. Maybe he is a polite type so cant refuse friends point blank (though it seems in the 1st case he did just that). And

    he seems to appreciate that you are tired, and is trying as much as is politely possible to discourage the friends. He is also not doing pickup/ dropoff which is a big thing

    I can understand why someone with a 13 month old would want kitchen access, so let them come but do not treat them like special guests.

    Are they old friends? It would be a pity if a 20 year friendship broke down over the matter of staying at a home for 3 days....
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.
  3. Dishaa

    Dishaa Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Vedhavalli,

    After reading ur posts all I can suggest is.

    1. U and ur Dh and ur kids have to work as a team, fighting will not resolve the problem.

    2. Don't get emotional for Senior citizens, kids visit and so on, be firm.

    Now for ur Dh friend who will be visiting along with their family and Kid on the day of arrival give them an instruction sheet to be followed in ur house and also attach / stick the instructions manual (In drawing room, Kitchen and so on)

    List should be like this (u amend the list as per ur wish including the language)

    • This is a house and not a hotel and the guests are self invited their stay, so they are expected to remember during their entire stay.
    • Ask them to give u all 5000$ per day as advance for all the inconvenience as as host u guys facing for self invited guests.
    • Only one day lunch or dinner will be sponsored by the host (as a courtesy) rest all days break fast, lunch, brunch, tea, coffee and dinner to be arranged by the guests (for self and for the hosts) including the gas connection.
    • Floor Cleaning, sweeping, table and plates cleaning, kitchen cleaning, utility area cleaning, bathroom cleaning, toilet cleaning etc (to be done by the guests by themselves as per the instructions of the host and all the cost to be borne by them) let them do all ur home cleaning and cooking work and u can have a relaxation time for urself).
    • Extra charges will be imposed if guests are inviting any of their friends during their stay (charges will be per person) in advance.
    • In case of any theft or loss of property done by the guests (irrespective of their age) will be informed to the local police station for necessary action.
    I guess these rules will keep all the guests away from ur house.

    Best wishes....
     
    NeetaR likes this.
  4. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    I remember you had this issue earlier and now your DH seems like he is understanding your concerns.So dont keep fighting with him..

    All I would say is to be straightforward to your guests about your inconvenience when people come and to let them know that they are not the only ones who come and there are many people who do this and vent about issues. Also subtlely tell them,"Many people tell their friends about our place for stay,but you please dont do the same thing".After this Iam sure this particular guest will not refer your place and will try to leave asap.

    This solution is definitely something you will not like to do, but you need to say a point blank NO to people.
     
  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Are they coming for sightseeing or moving there???
     
  6. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    If you can, whenever someone invites over themselves to your home, tell them that you have plans for that week/weekend and have already made bookings and can not cancel the trip. Do this every single time you want to keep guests away. Tell them that you cannot host them as you are travelling. Or even better, do not answer their calls. Let them leave a voicemail and you can decide whether to call back.

    Having parents, or an infant has nothing to do with not staying at hotels. They could have stayed at hotel suites with kitchens, but I have a feeling that your DH’s friends want to save money at the cost of your convenience. Do you live in a place where hotel room costs are very high?
     
    sindmani likes this.
  7. preethiitech

    preethiitech Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    This seems to be the trend now. Self inviting guests. Or guests invited by parents or in laws. Then come the uncles, aunties and cousins from both sides. Then the school friends, college friends etc. The list is never ending.we can never say no.

    One of the policy we did to reduce the overhead was that we or I stopped cooking at home. Each time we had people we bought food from outside or took them out for dinner or lunch. The house s just to come back and sleep. By this way, I had my rest and I didn't want to cook. Some even openly asked that we take them out every time. But then that's the subtle point! Downside -we did pay for the food which was definitely expensive than cooking at home. But then I put down my feet to say no.

    Has it stopped - no. But it's definitely better. Also fine tuned husband's expectation of how the guests would be treated at home.
     
  8. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Well. The guests also have to pay. Eating out is expensive
     
  9. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    I too had hosted a family when they moved here. 3 days got extended to 1 week as their home was not ready. I was exhausted.
    The girl later did not have gratitude also.
     
  10. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I think its unfair that you guys are expected to host/drop off etc on a regular basis.
    This is something that is in your husbands hands. He should firmly say NO, we cant, we have other commitments. Repeatedly doing that is the only way.
    He can offer an alternative like the address to a nearest hotel.
     
    Vedhavalli, sindmani and Sunshine04 like this.

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