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My friend is in love not approved by parents - need advise

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by bismi, Nov 25, 2006.

  1. bismi

    bismi New IL'ite

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    Hi All .. I am a new memeber to this site and today I have come with a problem and need some guidance on what to do further in my friend's life.

    The situation that my friend is facing is very confusing.When she came to me for advice I could not give any and am asking the senior persons who r in our parents age could throw their thoughts on.

    My friend is in love with a guy and accepted his love after 3 years after completely knowing about him.Both my friend and the guy are from very decent families from South Tamilnadu where still love marriages are not accepted.Both of them are so affectionate on their parents that they could not decide their life on their own.

    Even though they are from same religion they both are from different caste which is the main barrier for their joining in life.The guy's father even after knowing his son's love for this girl has not accepted their love till this moment(they are waiting for almost an year for his approval).My friend who is already 27 is being forced to decide on something fast as her parents are not able to reply anybody when some matches come and also couldnot say any answer to the relatives and friends.

    She is really suffering a lot without knowing what to do further.The guy is ready to marry her anytime but my friend was brought up in a very deciplined way that she refuses for it and expects his parents and her parents approval.

    Now her question is what should she do now.Should she wait for some more time or years for this nice guy who is good , gentle and very caring on her or should she sacrifice him for both the parents.But by leaving him behind she says she will not be happy coz he will not be happy without her.

    Many may say if it is a true love let them wait but both of them have equal amount of love on their parents that they donot want to make them feel bitter by marrying without their approval.
     
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  2. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi

    I am not a senior member, but after reading your post wanted to answer. Infact it is high time they make their parents meet in some common place. There might be verbal harshness, but still they will get to see eachother face to face. I dont know whether to suggest something like leave the parents and marry and wait for the things to change as I personally am dead against that idea. what if they dont change even after they have their grandchildren. If her parents approve and if it is only his parents who need to be convinced try out with a senior of their family and make them understand that if he is married to another girl it will be ruining the lives of not just one but of 3 people including thier own son.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. Eljaype

    Eljaype Bronze IL'ite

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    Parental advise...

    Hi,

    Like Rajam says here, he has to convince his parents. He has to let them know that an another marriage will now serve purpose . That he cannot accept another girl as his wife.
    I know, still some people are very strict about their kids, even after they have grown up. They have to consider their kids as their friends. Then, this sort of a problem won't arise.
    It is the boy and the girl.. How would they go ahead with their lives if the parents behave like this.. If another person comes in their life other than their chosen one.. their life wil be spoilt. Sometimes I feel in such cases the parents can be left hurt. I got my daughter married to a christian boy, with whom she happened to fall in love. His family also accepted and the marriage was celebrated with all the relatives.
    Parent's main opposition is 'what will the relatives say?? what will the society say?? which we do not have to listen to, because it is not the relatives who are going to suffer if they are not married?? It is the parents and their wards who are going to be upset. Isn't it. If the parents are not understanding inspite of trying to convince them, then I would suggest them to go forward and get married. Lets hope thatthe parents will have better sense lateron and reconcile to the fact.
    All the best
     
  4. bismi

    bismi New IL'ite

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    Thx

    Hi ,

    Thx for your opinions and suggestions.Thanks a lot for the responses.

    Both the house fathers have not accepted and moms have ,on seeing the tears of their childern.However they r not able to do anything as the fathers are very much sticking to the caste.

    Getting married by themselves will not happen as both of them are not ready for it as they love their parents and cannot live without them.

    Can somebody suggest some way on how to convince their parents.
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2007
  5. bismi

    bismi New IL'ite

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    At Last - Parents won !!

    Finally my friend has come to a conclusion.They have decided to seperate for their parents sake and are noe ready to face whatever happens.

    Btw there was yet another happening in their issue.The guy's father had told he wanted to see horoscope match and when seen there were only 5 out of 11 and so he has much more strongly rejected.

    The guy feels his father's attitude can never be changed and so they have decided to seperate.

    God only knows how both their lives are going to be !!

    Regards,
    Bismi
     
  6. sharonkavi

    sharonkavi New IL'ite

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    Re: Parental advise for my friend

    Hi, it is better that way. My friend had a similar experience. She is married for 5 yrs. now. Her husband is a mom's darling and my friend is paying the price for it. She went against her parents decision to marry this guy, and in turn severed her relationship with her parents whom she adored. This is an added advantage for her husbands' side who ill treat her. Yesterday he almost chucked her out of his house when she questioned his moms atrocities. She regrets now that she has nowhere to go. They loved each other for 7 yrs. before their marriage and have a 4yr old son. So it is better your friend part now rather than regretting it later. Bye.
     

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