My FIL problem....

Hey There!

First things, you sound an awful lot like me! Only, in a 'different' way. Some of the problems you mentioned I share - interfering and opinionated ILs, strong willed FIL, and unfortunately strong willed me creating waves in the 'carefully controlled household' FIL had created.

Bubai, your main concerns for now seem to be focused on your ILs constant watching over your life, their obsession with their grandson, and to a lesser extent hubby's need for you to treat FIL with more patience (I gather you are being frank to FIL which hubby may misconstrue as 'rude', so for now let us ignore this little niggler).

Coming to the real issues:

1. Work on cutting call frequencies with FIL, but be patient girl. Not taking any of 20 missed calls seems outright insensitive to a poor old man! In all the 3 years of my married life, my FIL/MIL have not called me of their own accord, EVER! Not once. I agree 4-5 calls everyday is extreme, but take it slow initially. Choose your battles - and don't burn bridges over a simple issue such as this.

2. Cut the interference, one step at a time. The next time ILs ask you to stay home, don't take it upon you to 'explain' your reasons or convince them. Just smile, and change the subject. Use your own approach to shift the focus of conversation away from your work. Gradually they will get the message.

3. Getting kiddo off the hook. This one is tricky. Handle this delicate situation well, do not let ILs feel you are denying them access to their dear GS, but let them know they are smothering him and he is indeed too young. Maintain that you will raise your kid the way you feel is appropriate, but be open to well intended suggestions. Continue to be gentle and non-contolling with kiddo, an approach I absolutely try to incorporate in my own parenting. And also let DS know that his granny and grandpa do love him and just have a different way of showing it (don't show your impatience with your ILs in front of kiddo, as you rightly said they can indeed sense emotions very young).

4. Continue to support your mom! I admire your resilience and support you show your mother. She deserves it - all mothers do!

Good luck, and take care dear...