My dad passed away

JayaJ · Apr 30, 2008

Hi ILites,

Just wanted to share the sad news that my dad passed away on March 30th.

I havent been able to talk about it or express my feelings ever since it happened.

I thought maybe writing it down would make lessen my grief.

I lost my dad on March 30th. He was suffering from respiratory failure for the last 10 years but he was a survivor and wouldnt give up fighting. He always wanted to be with us. He used to say his daughters are his gems. We, three sisters, used to take turns taking care of him. He required hospitalization every 10 days in a month. he would come home recovered - temporarily.
this time too, we thought, we would be seeing him again, but....
he was admitted on thursday in the ICU...on saturday the hospital shifted him out of the ICU saying he was fine...on saturday evening, we got a call from the hospital that he had detoriarated and had to be admitted in ICU again. His condition was highly drugged and comatose. he didnt know who or wat was happening...he seemed to have slipped into a world of sleep. On saturday night 8 pm he was put on ventilator. his body organs had stopped functioning, only his poor heart kept beating....due to lack of oxygen to his brain, his brain also had got affected.

All of us wanted to be superhumans and do something to save him, get him out of his torture but we were helpless....we didnt know wat to do except cry and pray he would pull through this time too.

The doctor's verdict was 'very minimal chances of recovery, inform all relatives'....

On sunday, we decided to discharge him and take him to his native...that was his wish - to die on the land he was born on and lived his childhood.
The doctors said he would live not more than 1 hour if we take him off the ventilator. so with the doctors permission, we arranged for an ambulance with a ventilator to sustain the 8 hours journey ride, finished all the paperwork - by now it was around 8 pm on sunday...we came home just to put together couple of clothes for the journey...my mother, my 2 brothers, my elder sister, her husband, 7 month old daughter, my other sister, myslef, my husband and my 2.5yrs old daughter.

Just as we reached home, we got a call from the hospital that we were losing dad even on the ventilator. by the time we reached the hospital beating the traffice it was 8:45pm. By sister and mother were already there....dad breathed his last at 9pm.

We decided not to change our plans and drove him to his native and buried him there. I just hope hes at peace now and forgiven us. we did everything we could to keep him with us....hope he understands that and is at peace with us and himself.

We feel the loss more so now. we thought we were prepared for this but its never the same when it actually happens.....

Take care dad. we love u and miss u.

Lalitha Shivaguru · Apr 30, 2008

Dear Jaya,

My heartfelt condolences to you & family and pray God for his soul to rest in peace.

I really can understand and empathize with you. I pray god to give you & family more strength to bear this loss. Also suggest you to look after your mother as she will be going thru a very difficult period.

Devika Menon · Apr 30, 2008

Dear Jaya,

Oh dear please accept my condolences!! I havent been able to stop the tears after reading your post. One because you lost your father and two beause I was reminded of the way I lost my Dad .
I hope and pray to GOD that HE gives you and your family the strength to be able to overcome the grief .Yes it is a great loss and I hope some words can provide a temporary solace.
Jaya, you sisters have been wonderful in supporting your ailing father since the last decade and he must have been very proud of you.

I am deeply sorry about your Fathers demise!

Devika

Chitvish · Apr 30, 2008

Dear Jaya,
First accept my deep condolences on your bereavement.
I think, by writing down in detail, you have brought out a load off your mind.
At any age, we can never have enough of our parents.I lost my father 40 yrs back, but todate miss him. Inspite of our expressing our grief, much remains in the heart unsaid.
Take good care of your mother - she needs a lot of emotional support from her children at this hour of grief.
Take care.
Love,
Chithra.

roshniv · Apr 30, 2008

Dear Jaya,

My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
I couldn't control my tears while reading your post. I too lost my dad this feb.
He was ailing for quite sometime and though the end was inevitable, the reality was just too harsh to face. Being the only child and staying abroad, i am just swallowing guilt every day for not being able to be with my mom.

But i am a firm believer in THE Almighty and hope he will guide us through this phase.

Take care

Roshni

marrgg · Apr 30, 2008

My deep condolence!!. No words will console you. I will pray for you and your Family...

Huma · Apr 30, 2008

Hi

my condolence too, i know how you feel, it's terrible thing to loose a father, take care of ur mum will you?

bye

varalotti · Apr 30, 2008

Dear Jaya,
It was really a touching account. Whatever may be the age, to lose one's parents is always painful.
But take it from me Jaya, your Dad should have been really proud of his 3 daughters. You have done what 300 sons could have done under the circumstances.
Time alone can heal the wound caused by this bereavement.
You have done your best. You have showered your love on him. You can't escape the grief and the sadness but never feel guilty, Jaya.
And your Dad has lived a full life, you three gems are the strong irrefutable evidence of a life well lived.
My heartfelt condolences.
From now on your Dad will be there above looking over his three darling daughters. From now on whatever you three want to do, his invisible helping hand will be strongly there.
And having been a wonderful father of the three gems, he would have earned his place in Heavan in a seat close to God Herself.

love,

PushpavalliSrinivasan · Apr 30, 2008

Dear Jaya,
Very sad to hear about your dad's demise and my heartfelt condolences to you. You and your family had done the utmost to take care of him. Ultimately only God's will prevails. Take care of your mother. I pray to God to give strength to you and your family in your bereavement.
Love,
PS

sunkan · Apr 30, 2008

JayaJ said: ↑

Hi ILites,

Just wanted to share the sad news that my dad passed away on March 30th.

I havent been able to talk about it or express my feelings ever since it happened.

I thought maybe writing it down would make lessen my grief.

I lost my dad on March 30th. He was suffering from respiratory failure for the last 10 years but he was a survivor and wouldnt give up fighting. He always wanted to be with us. He used to say his daughters are his gems. We, three sisters, used to take turns taking care of him. He required hospitalization every 10 days in a month. he would come home recovered - temporarily.
this time too, we thought, we would be seeing him again, but....
he was admitted on thursday in the ICU...on saturday the hospital shifted him out of the ICU saying he was fine...on saturday evening, we got a call from the hospital that he had detoriarated and had to be admitted in ICU again. His condition was highly drugged and comatose. he didnt know who or wat was happening...he seemed to have slipped into a world of sleep. On saturday night 8 pm he was put on ventilator. his body organs had stopped functioning, only his poor heart kept beating....due to lack of oxygen to his brain, his brain also had got affected.

All of us wanted to be superhumans and do something to save him, get him out of his torture but we were helpless....we didnt know wat to do except cry and pray he would pull through this time too.

The doctor's verdict was 'very minimal chances of recovery, inform all relatives'....

On sunday, we decided to discharge him and take him to his native...that was his wish - to die on the land he was born on and lived his childhood.
The doctors said he would live not more than 1 hour if we take him off the ventilator. so with the doctors permission, we arranged for an ambulance with a ventilator to sustain the 8 hours journey ride, finished all the paperwork - by now it was around 8 pm on sunday...we came home just to put together couple of clothes for the journey...my mother, my 2 brothers, my elder sister, her husband, 7 month old daughter, my other sister, myslef, my husband and my 2.5yrs old daughter.

Just as we reached home, we got a call from the hospital that we were losing dad even on the ventilator. by the time we reached the hospital beating the traffice it was 8:45pm. By sister and mother were already there....dad breathed his last at 9pm.

We decided not to change our plans and drove him to his native and buried him there. I just hope hes at peace now and forgiven us. we did everything we could to keep him with us....hope he understands that and is at peace with us and himself.

We feel the loss more so now. we thought we were prepared for this but its never the same when it actually happens.....

Take care dad. we love u and miss u.
Click to expand...

dear jaya,
i am very sorry for you and any amount of consoling i know will make u well up more with tears, so cheer up and show ur smile, think he is near u and would love to see you smile.

once they leave the body they are with us all the time, i lost mine 78 and 86 yes my own and the dad who adopted me and i loved them both immense, even now when in deep agony i find them next to me, so smile i think that is what they would love to see, share and think about all those happy moments and try to heal little by little...in fact let me suggest try writing those moments spent and precious dialogue u had with him, any punch line u can never forget, these things will all rush to your mind now, so think of him in pleasant moments and be happy he is with you, cheer up dear...all my love for your bereaving heart....:kiss sunkan