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My brothers marriage --husband not interested

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by monlisa, Oct 19, 2007.

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  1. monlisa

    monlisa Senior IL'ite

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    I love my parents and my husband they are good. I have two brothers one is elder and one is younger and elder brother stays here in US and due to some reasons he could not able to make his presence in my marriage and my elder brother marriage is next year. I wanted to attend his marriage and my husband is not ready to send me to the marriage.

    recently we went to India for his brothers marriage and at that time I had so many visa problems… still we went there and did his brother marriage and I haven’t said anything for that but now he is ordering me not to attend my brothers marriage. …There are no visa problems in attending marriage right now ….. there is plenty of time where I can plan for the marriage…. Still he says so many thing about my brother and my family …and even he doesn’t want to spend a penny on me for this trip. ….

    I don’t know how to handle this situation and need some suggestions so that I can not hurt his feelings and wanted to attend the marriage.
     
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  2. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,
    I can understand what you are going thru...
    Hope he changes his mind...
    I don't have anything to say here... (all men are same)
    I will pray for you.

    Take care and BE POSITIVE,
    Punitha
     
  3. Sashmitaa

    Sashmitaa Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Monlisa,

    Like punitha said all men are same. Me too will pray for you. Dont lose hope.

    Love
    Lakshmi
     
  4. jooti

    jooti New IL'ite

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    hi Monlisa, most indian men are only happy in things are invlovong their own family. they will go to great lengths to make sure they are at their own families weddings, when it comes to wife's side of family, they are not that worried about going, and even f they go, they don;t help, just sit there. i hope that u will get to go to your bro's wedding, i know that when my brother got married if i wasn;t there, my mom would have been Very SAD......like the other's said, talk to your hubby when he's in good mood. good luck!
    jooti
     
  5. mychichu

    mychichu New IL'ite

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    Hi Mona,

    When you get a chance, ask your husband the reason for not sending you for your brother's marriage. Just stick to the facts, and very clearly explain to him how important it is for you to attend your brother's wedding. Do not become emotional! Be firm!

    Good Luck
     
  6. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    Maybe the elder brother not able to attend your marriage makes your husband do so. explain to him the situation in which your elder brother was and why he didn't attend your wedding, when your husband is in good mood.
    Hope for the best and be positive.

    sriniketan
     
  7. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Do you work? Can you arrange the travel ticket by yourself? If your husband doesnot buzz , you need to be ready with backup plan. I would never leave my brother's marriage for come what may..
    Try all four rule of convincing ....

    Equality, Temptation, Differentitaion and Punishment..

    English translation for (Sam , Daam, Bhed and Dand)

    As someone else also suggested, Discuss objectively.. No emotional appeal. Bcos that way you husband will know which string to pull in you. You need to put this in his head ...that it matters to you and you would not let others dictate your call in ur family matters..

    Wish you good luck :wave
     
  8. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Monlisa,
    While I am sad reading your post, I was sadder still when I read a few responses where they say, "all men are the same".

    There are good men and bad men as there are good women and bad women. Now let's forget that and focus on your problem.

    Why was your brother not able to attend your marriage? There has to be a very strong and special reason for that.

    I would suggest that you gently broach the subject to your husband when he is in a good mood. Tell him that it is very important for you that you attend this wedding. Without raising your voice you can tell him that if you are not allowed to go for this, you will not be in a mood to attend any function on your husband's side.

    Simultaneously you may ask your brother to talk to your husband. Since he could not attend your marriage, he can probably explain his side and even say sorry if necessary. I think your brother not attending your marriage has hurt your husband's ego. Your brother meeting him or talking to him, will calm some ruffled feathers.

    Take care and all the best.
    regards,
    sridhar
     
  9. rekhas

    rekhas Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Monlisa,

    Most men, if not all, feel they do not have obligations or responsibilities towards wife's family. Find out why your husband is against your attending your brother's wedding. Do you think finances? Give some ideas as to how you could work it out. If it an ego problem, may be he wants to show he can rule. Present your thoughts as to why this event is important to you. Be firm. If you are working, then you surely have more weight.
     
  10. monlisa

    monlisa Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for all your replies..i wanted to handle this situation very carefully.....I was working before and my project recently ended and looking for another one...and there is no financial issue here...the only problem is ego ...and i can surely confirm that this is because he want to show to my family what he is ...and as some one said this is because ..he want to rule ....and he is expecting sorry from my parents and my brother ....and he asks me to support him going against my parents:mad:..... which makes me very sick....:shock: other then that every thing is ok..and i dont want this to happen and i will never say to my parents to say sorry to their parents.....
     
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