My brother is seperated from his wife, I am depressed

I agree with you. You cannot just ignore this or say that it is only supposed to cause pain to your brother or mom but not you. That's not going to happen. It will affect your well-being, and in turn, that of your own immediate family.

But it is only in your control how much you let it control your life. Remember, this time too shall pass, no matter how painful and in the future, it will be nothing more than a bad memory.

That is why you need to pray. It's the only thing that works in these trying times. If you still have trouble coping, try talking to a religious person or even a counsellor. They can give you tips on how to cope.

But if you are asking me what I did to cope, well I cried a lot, cursed my brother for marrying such a horrible person who caused so much pain to me and my mom, tried to cut off contact with bro (did not work), screamed at my mom for letting him marry her, screamed at my dh (no fault of his). It consumed every single thought I had for a good six months. Thank god I did not have a kid that time. Once the woman moved out, I immediately got pregnant ... go figure!

 

Hey Sujatha,
I never interacted directly with you, but you have always been on my friends list, and meant to meet you sometime. We live in the same state, very close to hartford and telugu speaking as well.
That aside, i really wish you get past this soon and may god give you the strength to deal the tough situations, and stand by your family when they need you the most.
Let me know if you need a shoulder to cry on or listening ear!
Good luck and i will pray for your serenity!

 

As per their perspective they are not. They may be thinking better she quits. Parents would not know what to do either in such situations, if they counsel it may help but ultimately its the compatibility factor which cannot be changed... It looks both of them are 100% incompatible.

On your statement that he wanted a working woman but you feared working women are more aggresive, independent,ready to walk out for small reasons sought of. This is a common belief even today in mens world. Getting a qualified or working partner has its own pros and cons. Compatibilty though is a different story

 

sujatha,
sorry to hear abt your situation.

i know how hard it is for the spouses involved and for the family in such situation. i have personally experienced this sort of thing.

all i can say is Hang in there.

 

Sujatha,

Yes, such parents just give birth and raise an investment property be it a boy or girl. Living a life based on virtues and values does not mean anything to them. There will be lot of unanswered why's and how's regarding your brother's issue. So please don't stress out yourself. This is very tough phase indeed and try to depend more on God. You and your family needs to be strong as your brother needs his family and their support more than anything else during this phase. You can give him the support he needs only when you become strong enough.

I wish God got abusers married to abusers so that they can abuse each other day in and day out and the rest of the world is spared.

 

Sujatha I sympathize with your situation. These lines caught my attention.

There are risks with housewives as they are risks with a working woman being dominating. I have seen several housewives who changed their attitude as soon as they got their GC and a job. They are no longer the humble and kind wives they used to be. Bottomline is it all depends on a person. A woman who is dominating will always be whether she is working or not and vice versa unless she changes for good. Some woman put on a good show in front of their husbands for their own benefit and some don't.
I believe you balance your work and family life due to support from your DH. If he is not supporting I guess you would be frustrated as well.

I don't intend to beat you up on this issue in this difficut situation. Sorry if you feel so

 

Archana,

You stole my words.I wish so too. But again opposites attract

 

I wish that was true .... I don't understand why the nicest of guys in the world end up with the most horrible wives and vice-versa.

And even more irritating to me is that the good spouse puts up with the bad spouse, justifying their behavior to others when questioned.

God save us all from bad spouses!