My Anger - My Enemy ?

Ditto my wife, it does drain out energy from spouse. Such tantrums cannot go on and on , one day it has to stop...

Not sure how you are going to resolve such issues so fast. You need to give it time...

 

Let me tell you, marriage cannot be ended because love is lost . Many times love will disappear, and it can be brought back with efforts and understanding. No marriage is such which just has love all the time. Many loveless marriages too survive for many reasons. But it is not good to live in a loveless marriage, it is a type of emotional abuse as partners do and say knowingly or unknowingly many things out of loveless relation and that keeps hurting .

You need to ask him, if he has given up on marriage then what does he wants? more so what do you want? do you want to take time and think of marriage again? it seems you are sulking yourself in guilt and trying hard to patch up. You are seeing you have wronged greatly and dont know how to resolve now. And his approach is something which even I have taken in my life too now, that it is hard to believe things will change. But I feel he should tell you what he wants if he does not want to live anymore

 

i feel you need to give him time to come out and believe that you are a changed person. Tell him your health condition is making you what you are today and that you need his support at this time to make your life smoother. with a little bit of understanding i think you two can make it.
all the best:thumbsup

 

@Wonderer: No silent treatment please. It hurts like hell and kills. Drains out all the emotions. I have been experiencing this kinda tratment from my wife for some time now. And lately she has stopped doing it all and is being very nice. But i feel like my emotions towards her are drained out leading to drain out other thigns as well.

Please control your anger and mood swings before it is too late. Mood swings, anger and silent trtmts are not the right ways to approach a problem. Try some other ways.

I am not saying problem is with you, I do not know who the problem is, but either ways, they way you have been trying to solve the problem or coping with it is not right.

Good Luck.

Aksh.

 

To be bad and to be nice and again bad, that leaves a spouse more confused, that is what has happened with me too . At times I see two different persons in my wife. When she turns nice she is extremely nice, the period is short lived and her true nature then comes back, where grudge, hatred, silent treatment, keeping things to oneself all starts building up. The typical cycle of abusive relationship also has good period as element, so we cannot take that period as a sign that things have improved

 

"Tridev, that is what i am yet to understand. he says he is drained and maybe the love is not there anymore and not sure if it is something that can be worked on, but then says he is not wanting to leave the marraige? i dont understand"

Dont worry Wonderer. He is not going to go anywhere. I feel the same towards my wife as your husband does to you. He is blank. Am blank.
But I cannot and dread the thought of life with out her. Its not easy to let go. What does that mean - ? that love's prevailing. Same is the case with your husband.

 

You would be behaving again immaturely if you would want to push too hard for reconciliation too. You can say things positively and leave it to him to come back to you or not....I feel you should not talk more. Because you already conveyed your points and he needs to now think on it on his own and if he asks your assurance or if he puts you questions you can assure him

 

You are not goign to lose him. Please know this.
Being a male, and in a relatively smiliar position. I think I know what he feels.
Due to contant complanits (we know we are not so good), we feel we are good for nothing, unable to keep wife happy. We know that wife is happy but just that some times when they ar ein bad mood they talk /complain. but still those complaints hit us hard. We drift ourselves apart from wives, feeling inferior and expect them to console us or pamper us a bit (that boosts our confidence levels). When this does not happen, we talk about we not keeping you guys(wives)happy and talk about being seperate. Why, for me, i spoke the very same thing last night. I said 'lets stay seperate for sometime, u stay with my girl frend, no body from our families needs to know this and that way we will know how we love each other despite of the differences'), she first cried and then said 'send me', I felt anger. In my inner hearts i dint want her to send her anywhere and i wil not even for a temp period. I bet my life, your husband is feeling the same.

As to what can be done from your side. Let it rest Wonderer. Do not continue to talk along those lines. We know our faults, and we are already feeling bad for those. And on top of it when you show it to us by complaining or crying, its like adding fuel. Instead, show us 'you love us no matter what' then those faults or shortcommings will disappear themselves. Have patience, is what my advise is.

My apologies, if I have gone overboard comparing my situation to your and also in my advise. Thanks.

Aksh.

Aksh.