Motivation of a different kind!

Dear Cheeniya sir,

first of all please do accept my apologies - even before you begin to wonder, here is why. I did read this snippet several months ago and the only part that stayed with me was the part about "miracle man", so I ended up reading the book and slept with the book by me for several days and have thought about it enough. Though I knew it was a suggestion from you, I could not remember where I had read this suggestion. So wanting to respond disappeared into the oblivion till I chanced upon the thread this morning while wandering in IL in sheer boredom of having a looong week end. I am glad I did this for, now I am able to write a long over due feed back to this thread.

I think it is the people Cheeniya sir that make the difference - just like Morris Goodman keeps referring to time and again in his book. Just that people came to visit him helped him heal, may be better and faster. So to give a positive spin to the saying "It is not what they say, but how they made you feel" looks like almost all of your friends knew about the unconditional love, higher expectation that was behind that banter and it certainly has been a motivation of a different kind.

However, personally when I read this

I could not help but chuckle. I too, like many others fall into this category but in a different way - I, for the life of me cannot live upto expectations. Left alone, I will do above and beyond but the moment I have to write an exam to prove, a target to reach or live upto a set of expectations, I will crumble like a cookie. The thought of having to live up to someone else's expectation even if it is my own parents is too much for me - I am certain it is not the pressure but I cannot put a finger to that feeling. I am still trying to understand this nature - the only person who knew this was my previous boss who while happily set targets for everyone at work, left me alone and was happy to watch me out perform my own self, month after month much to the irritation of my colleagues for not being part of that 'target team' yet, winning accolades.

Speaking of childhood I am still trying to decide if it is just the environment as much as the people and situations in that environment that makes the difference. Growing up in an environment where we were constantly on the move, unfortunately I cannot associate much with my surroundings. But fortunately I do have all my friends intact from that phase of my life - so it mostly has been memories with people that helps me be in wonder and amazement just like yourself. Now, after marriage one of the things I have wanted (but didnot know till happend) was to be able to live in a single place long enough and believe it or not the place I live now is the place I have ever lived longest in my entire life and it has not been that long either still! But like I said, even though my kids have the fortune of knowing one place, I have been providing or trying to provide stimulus for their growth and associations in terms of people and memories - for that is what will stay with them long after they move out or atleast I hope.

Thank you for that wonderful write up Cheeniya sir, I not only got to read a good book but had an opportunity to come back and write such a long feed back!

 

There are three types of people in the world:

1) One who takes the word of others seriously, feel hurt and eventually take it upon themselves to prove those words are correct.

2) One who is unaffected by the words of others as they don't really care about the words of others

3) One who is self motivated and the words of criticism adds value to their motivation.

The people indicated in (3) above are the smartest and very successful. They take every criticism as an opportunity to grow. They are loners and their discussions with people is mostly for them to learn something new and not for them to share their knowledge or experience. Daewoo wrote a book, "All streets are paved with gold" several years back in which he explains his attitude to listen to everyone and make all his decisions when he is alone. When everyone told him that he was making a big blunder by opening factories in Africa, he found the most hard working and highly talented African workers when trained produced the best results for him. His focus was to keep on mass producing the items at the lowest possible cost in different parts of the world and sell it throughout the world. He lived a simple life and visited his executives very often to understand the life styles. He found that any executives who was living beyond his means was losing focus on his objectives.

Viswa

 

Quite interesting to read, Cheeniya Sir. Just remembered the words of one of the famous neurosurgeon [late] Dr. B. Ramamurti on his 75th birthday celebration held in late nineties in Chennai. "Our parents, teachers, elder siblings and all wellwishers shoved us hard on our backs. Yes [mudhugula adichchaa! munnukku vandhOm!] Because of that we came up in life!". I noted this down that day. His speech was short but beautiful. In the end, he was pleading all youngsters to wear a helmet. His voice was choking. "usiru perusaa / m***** perusaa-nu neengaLae mudivu paNNungappaa!. I don't want to see another human being in a vegetable state, because of a head injury!", he ended. -rgs

 

Dear Sri,

I do not know how I did not read this wonderful snippet before.

The best sentence is "Miracle men are not those who perform miracles for others but for themselves."

Yes, motivation does wonders. Encouragement is good but not to the extent of flattery and criticism to the extent of fault finding with everything...a balance should be there. Yes, many who are motivated are from Triplicane locality, the kind of which are there in every city and every town. Very ordinary people in terms of living, everyone knows everyone, no need to ask for help (it may look like intrusion sometimes, but no, they want to help sincerely).

Children are not pampered, only essentials are provided and not every wish of their's is fulfilled. If they do well in studies or get good marks a little smile would be there. No taking them to restaurants or buying costly gifts. Getting good marks is a way of life for them. Parenting was a natural thing. No reading of books by parents how to bring up children or studying psychyology, no apology for not buying things they wanted. Life was simple. I heard in an interview with Mangalampalli Balamuralikrishna...he was asked how his father used to talk about his singing. He said when some one comments on his son's singing that he is a great singer (he started giving concerts at the age of 8) he used to say " Vadi moham, vadiki padadam emochucchu? Edo kooniraagalu theestahadu" (Which means He does not know much singing, just plays some tunes). In Indian we do not praise our kids too much. One thing that motivates all kids in middle class families is that education is the only way to come up in life...no parental properties. They have to do it on their own.

Thank you for a wonderful thought provoking snippet.

Syamala

 

Two points in two posts:

1: This is what my gran always talks about. How in those days, people used to freely walk into others' houses and kitchens and help themselves etc etc.

I find it rude and awkward. I'll never do that for any random person, not even relatives. In fact, i wouldn't most relatives in my house at all. And, i wouldn't want my house to be swamped by random people as well. My house is NOT a marriage choultry. I'd rather spend extra time, if i have, at a park or a place filled with greenery or even watching someone else tend to the plants. Or their pets. Or watching kids play about. I'm not going to be spending it feeding people who can jolly well take care of themselves in THEIR houses.

2: regarding motivation arisiing out of being scolded. Actually, these days more anger and sense of wanting to revenge seem to be the norm. For instance, i think in feb this year, i read a case of a young teacher being killed in the class by her student, because she had reprimanded him!! So, maybe one can't be sure, everyone's gotter a shorter fuse these days.

 

Cheeniya sir. Sorry for bursting your bubble about warren buffet. Used to respect him until 2008. Not anymore.
He's just a crony capitalist shill who lost his *Saint Warren* cover when he went to bed with goldman sachs.
He's a janus faced liar who waxed eloquent about the timebomb of derivatives and the cringeworthy behaviour of begging for bailous from the govt for screwing up. Yet, his advise was for others. He did the very same things he warned others against.

And yes, he has promised that he'll leave his wealth to charity etc, but let's see when he dies and his actual will is read.