Mothers and adult male siblings

ilagandhi · Jun 10, 2007

I am interested in hearing from mothers with adult male siblings. I have two boys ages 28 and 24. I am extremely concerned with my 28 year old as he is still single and there is no hint of a girlfriend or marriage in the near future.

Would love to hear from mothers who live in western societies to determine how they handle this delicate subject. I have had several conversations with my son regarding marriage. He is adamant he wants to find his own life partner through his own contacts rather than through a marriage website or through an arranged meeting. It seems to me young indian adults living in the U.S. do have a hard time dealing with both their indianness and living in a western society.

Could we get a thread going and learn from each other on how indian women around the world are handling these moments in their childrens lives or someone can direct me to a thread that is already started. regarding this topic.

Huma · Jun 11, 2007

hi Ila

i think u dont have to be worried. everything comes at the right time.

bye

Padmash · Jun 11, 2007

hi Ila,
same problem in india too. my younger brother who was my classmate is same age as of ur elder son have same problem. so many times my parents discussed him this topic he never agrees to get married, he is very close to me and shares whatever is going on in office and in party he will mail but when it comes to marriage everything is reserved. we introduced him a really very beautiful cosmetic engr girl of our caste but he wants to choose girl in his own way. now a days many boys are crossing 30 as a bachelor. its difficult to understand these boys. so now we think its pre decided when time comes he will get married.

bye
padma

ilagandhi · Jun 11, 2007

Huma and Padma,

Really appreciate your feedback. I believe today's young adults hate the idea of what their friends will say if they have an arranged marriage, since its probably not the hip thing to do.

I am neutral as to whether he finds a bride via the web, via an arranged meeting or on his own, as long as he finds someone. Sometimes when children are shy you have to give them a helping hand and that's all I would like to do, however at the same time I don't want that to backfire at me.

I am really interested in hearing from mothers who have discussed this topic with their children and would love to get some do's and don'ts and successful ways of dealing with this. One option as you say Huma, is just let it be. Since I have left it alone till now, I feel uncomfortable just sitting around doing nothing.

Huma · Jun 14, 2007

hi ila

have u thought ur son doesnt wasnt to be married and prefer bachelor life for now.
when he feels that he ready.... he will.

bye

ilagandhi · Jun 14, 2007

Huma,

I wish I was confident that, what you say is actually the case, but my heart tells me he is lonely. I hope you are right and I am wrong

Huma · Jun 14, 2007

hi ila
i am sorry if i couldn't help u. it reminds me of my brother who is still bachelor and who doesn't want to talk to our mother because of the wedding thing.

that's why i said leave it. u can't force anyone to do something they don't want to.

bye

Padmash · Jun 17, 2007

hi Ilaji,

i think one day u and ur husband spend sometime with ur elder son and discuss only about marriage try to know his future plans and remind him for marriage there is certain age and in thet time he can get desired type of life partner after that age is gone and he wants to marry there will be compromises in life. Actually now i am trying this for my brother, he said yes for marriage with great pain but he have one condition we can suggest girl and it's his wish to select. So my parents ae thinking something is better than nothing, may be he meet a girl to whom he start liking.

bye
padma

ilagandhi · Jun 17, 2007

Thanks Padmavati.

that sounds like good advice. He lives on the West Coast and I will be spending a week wth him in July. Will have good face to face discussions then. Will provide an update after that. Keep routing for me

kanaka Raghavan · Sep 5, 2007

There are many males who get married late these days.I have my husband's cousins who are past 33 and are yet to get married.Anyway there is no harm in having a one to one talk so that you can know what is in his mind.All the best.