Mother encourages discrimination in the family

Not necessary!! Kindly go through the link Anita has posted

Even if Golden child is in a better position, scapegoats will be expected to pamper the Goldenchild no matter what.. I think it is a psychological problem of the Narscisst Mom mentioned in that link..

Anita,
Thanks for enlightening me.. It made sense. Today I explained about that 4 types of children to my H and all the symtoms n behaviour of NM you had mentioned. He found it interesting and probably would've forgiven his mom Your post has made someone somewhere happy..
1.Golden Child,
2.Scapegoat,
3.Lost Child,
4.Masscot

 

You are welcome gals.

Someone went through a rollercoaster of emotions. It was a painful never ending vicious cycle.

shock=> anger=> hatred=>guilt=>forgiveness=> attempt at reconciliation =>hurt again=>shock=>

So I did some research to free her from the immense guilt that was heaped on her.

And my other thread http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/207859-on-your-own-terms.htmlWas was written for people like her who are suffering with anger that leads to guilt. If interested read it.

Also if you think that you are constantly being hurt by someone's words and not knowing how to handle it, I have made an attempt in my other thread http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/212102-wordsworth.html#post2733920

Please don't think that I am promoting my threads. They have run their course already and do not need any bumping :rotfl. Since op seems of be a new member, she could have missed it.

 

Narcissistic mothers commonly choose one child to be the golden child and one to be the scapegoat. The narcissist provides privileges to the golden child. The golden child has to be cared for assiduously by everyone in the family. The scapegoat has no needs and instead gets to do the caring. The golden child can do nothing wrong and the scapegoat is always at fault,it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her. She's also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses.

 

Dear friend i am also suffering through same problem my MIL make lots of discrimination between both his son and i also been treated like this i can understand how we fill it but dear i can only say you that ignore it and try to concentrate on you life so u can be happy this thing is never going to change holding these matter for long time will hurt u

 

This is exactly how my MIL behaves with her children.
My DH was fine all these days (they always forget my DH's birthday but will call my DH to remind about their elder son's b'day) but when they didn't attend my Kids first birthday party in-spite of being in US,he didn't feel good about it though never questioned them, he slowly started ignoring them.
I don't think my MIL will ever understand that her younger son is not speaking to them as before.My FIL noticed this, but poor man he cannot tell anything to his wife. Literally scared of her
If she have any problem she will come to my DH, she says her elder son is so sensitive and she can't hurt him.Good times with her elder son and bad times with her younger son

 

I don't think its NM though only doc can tell. But i strongly feel people who lack sense of justice have their own parameters for favouring weaker child/sex. In an attempt to do so they alienate the strong one as per their bad judgement.

I have seen most of the indian parents having extra high expectations from their child though they were mostly incapable of fulfilling any. While doing so they become interfering, insensitive, demanding, melodramatic etc.

While its a teenager,mom or mom inlaw one should not let oneself taken for granted that is the only solution.

Please take a stand for your husband if not for yourself and serve him good food in same plate. You keep same puja on your husband's birthday and tell them its for his good mental health etc. Draw your boundaries.

We all want loving relations but some are not meant like that.

 

My ILs expect my DH to take care of SIL almost like a slave. When we realized their expectations we cut their demands right at the root. We simply denied to treat SIL in any special way, esp when SIL acts like an evil b****, mastermind behind all the crap. We just reciprocate with indifference to SIL's evil/rude behavior. Result - ILs showed their evil faces and continue to be pure evil to us. We just accepted the fact that DH doesnt have good parents, so we ignore
them and their tantrums. Like my DH was demanded to perform the role of dutiful son/brother at SILs marriage. THIS, after they messed up our marriage with so many bad memories. They didnt do anything, not one thing, that they were supposed to in our marriage, and they had the guts to expect my DH/me to play along with them at SILs marriage. Too bad. My DH returned their favor (of creating hell in our marriage) by simply being uninvolved at SILs marriage.

Mistreating someone is wrong. Allowing others to mistreat you is equally wrong.