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Monster SIL is back

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ras09, Feb 15, 2010.

  1. ras09

    ras09 New IL'ite

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    Hi All,
    I m back with my problems... as my MIL and SIL are back from US.
    They went there to find a match for my SIL but they returned empty handed.
    as my MIL said... my daughter is so beautiful that there was not even a single eligible boy for her in US. They scanned like 20 boys with MS in various cities in US.
    Anyways... Now my SIL is back with her tantrum.
    Same things start happening....
    The first thing- She makes sure that she doesnt let me sit in the front seat of car..
    She announce in the first place that i will sit on the front seat with Bhaiyya...
    She did the same thing when she was in india earlier
    i feel very bad... i have to sit at back seat. My ILs never ask her to sit at back.She is four years older to me in age But still she behaves like a kid.. such a kiddish attitude
    They keep on pampering her. I never sit at front seat whenever my brothers are there with their wives. My Bhabhis sit in the front with my brothers. i have that sense. Even i m pampered at my home as i m only sister to my two brothers.
    Ladies, can you please give your suggestions that how can i convey her that this seat is for wife after marriage. i dnt want to use any strong words.
    i want to convey her politely without any halla... else she will start crying and will make issue out of it.
    When i was newly wed, she kept on telling me that how lucky i am to get a such good husband (her brother) and family (her family). she repeated it 5-6 times then i tell her in strong words that dnt tell me that i m lucky or something. Even my DH and ur family is also lucky to have me.
    She has nt said anything at that time. Later, when my husband came back from office, she started crying like anything. such a big drama queen.

    Do you have any suggestions that how can tell her not to interfere in the couple's space?
    Please Advice!!!
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2010
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  2. piscesy2k

    piscesy2k New IL'ite

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    Hey ras,

    i know how irritated you must be feeling...and yes i completely agree that seat is your right!...but you could either ignore it since she is there only for a few days...If you fear that this might become a habit you could hasten and sit in the front seat befoe they have an opportunity to declare the seat is theirs...in case you have already occupied your preffered seat and your SIL starts ranting, perhaps you could tell her in a 'funny tone' ohh im too tired to change seats now..then you could pacify her telling we are almost there!! or something like that..if inspite of this she cries and creates a drama, ignore her

    Even tthough this is a trivial issue this just goes to prove that your SIL definitely doesn't seem sensible or sensitive or mature enough
     
  3. lakvishy

    lakvishy Senior IL'ite

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    Tell you SIL that for so many days (no. of yrs.) you have been sitting in the front seat, now let me sit in the front with my husband for the same amount of years. Be a darling, sweetie. Everywhere the wives sit with their husbands. Let me sit with him.

    Be straight. She will cry and make at DRAMA, so what, she will not repeat her behaviour. Sometimes, you should allow people to cry. They come back to normal, after they are through with their tears. Letting them have their way altimes, means, you will never get your way.
     
  4. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Ras when all are seated in the car tell your DH... can we pls buy an ambasador & sell off this one..... when he asks why then tell him it has a continuous seat in the front and then 3 of you can sit together in the front seat :)!!!
     
  5. ras09

    ras09 New IL'ite

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    Thanks Ladies for your replies...
    @ShilpaMa, thats really funny :) . i told my husband abt my irritation.
    i told him that i didnt like it. He said... whats wrong in it?
    it pissed me off further but he understands me...
    Thats why... one day.. when she was sitting on the front seat all day... later, he said to me...
    come and sit with me in front..
    so ultimately my SIL has to go at back...
    But my husband doesnt do that most of the times... Infact he does that only once in whole week.
    She has left US and will be staying in india now.. she will be visiting us in every 15 days.
    Anyways... Thanks a lot for your replies...
    i looking forward for more interesting replies...
     
  6. lotusgirl

    lotusgirl Senior IL'ite

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    are these drives long ones or just regular ones to shops etc? I realise it really irritates you taht your SIL is sitting in front, but honestly is it worth all the hungamas? You have let your DH know that its irritating to you.. But maybe you should pick up otehr issues that are more pressing between your SIL and you. Just this incident alone doesnt warrant you to come down to her level..does it?
    From your SIL view, she might eb feeling, you are always with your DH, so when shes visiting, why not sit with him.. and you know shes a drama queen.. So for the peace between you and DH , maybe you should ignore it.. Do you really feel sitting in that front seat by your SIL makes the relationship between you and your DH less important?
    My aunt whenever she used to visit us , used to sit with my dad in front.. it never felt as an issue because there were no other underlying problems there..it was just those few days when she was there and in no way did that undermine my mums place in her own home or car :). She was just proud of being next to her baby brother in his car. my uncle passed away ages ago, so no car there..

    But i really feel you being so much angry at SIL for this car issue is because of other issues...
     
  7. ras09

    ras09 New IL'ite

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    Hi lotusgirl,
    if u read my previous posts then u will get know that how much she used to interfere when i was newly wed. Me and my husband used to fight like anything.
    when she went to US after 3 months of my marriage. Everything came back to normal.
    Now she is back Again
    One More thing, i must mention... She is 4 years older than me in age.
    still she behaves very kiddish. She doesnt have maturity.
    May be its long drive or city shopping, she wants to be on front seat...
     
  8. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Ras,

    If it is bothering you so much, then be the first to take the front seat and tell her I will be sitting with my husband or if you are the last one to come keep standing out and tell her I will sit with my husband, if other tell you that you sit behind tell them you would rather not go. She will cry once and there will be a huge show in the family but after that she will always sit behind.

    Sometimes you yourself will have to throw some tantrums to make people see what they are doing. If she comes for a real short visit, then you might just let it go. But if this is really really bothering then take action.

    Hope it helps.
     
  9. Mihisha

    Mihisha Senior IL'ite

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    Hey Ras!

    everyone has given good suggestions for your issue here.. I was lil confused - your SIL stays with you or she comes every 15 days? If she stays with you, just make a big issue out of it and clear it once and for all with DH.. the result shud be only you have the right to sit next to your hubby. If she comes once in 15 days, then too be firm on your stand but you could ignore once in a while / as someone rightly suggested here-- Dont step into the car and u might say " I would give bro-sis some space so they can hang out together" eventually DH wud get embarassed and would be in a fix when such situation arise (I mean DH shud have some uneasiness with the situation as you are feeling hurt too! )
     
  10. ras09

    ras09 New IL'ite

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    Hi Mihisha,
    well she is now living in my ILs house which is 6 hours drive from our home.
    whenever she visits us, she stays here for a week or so.
    And we have to visit them once in a month since she and my MIL came back from US.
    This way, there will be multiple occasions.
    well everyone has given good suggestions.
    Next time, i will ask her politely "can i sit next to my husband like most of the wives does?"
    Surely, you would also like to sit next to your husband after your marriage.
    Hopefully, this will work.....
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2010

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