Mom Cashew Pongal

Thyagarajan · Jan 20, 2024

Mom & Cashew Pongal

As a boy I was always somewhat selfish.

Whatever and whenever good thing is available, I will grab it all for myself. Because of this nature I found by & by many of my pals left me for good. At one point almost I lost all my friends.

I was brooding nothing wrong in my being selfish. The world around me too looked selfish to the core. So, I thought there was absolutely nothing wrong at all with me; but then I begun only blaming others for all my woes.

The three statements my mom taught me around that time helped me to give up my negative attitudes of (1) being selfish and (2) to look only for self aggrandizement in life.

One day, mom placed on table sweet pongal in two wide bowls. One bowl of pongal was topped with just one piece of cashew. No cashew on top of the other.

She said to me... "Kannā. whichever of these two you want, take it for yourself!"

Cashews were rare at home in those days. We only get cashews to eat during weddings and festivals. So, I took the bowl of sweet
pongal with the cashew on it. Together we began looking at each other, slowly and steadily eating the lip smacking pongal.
I congratulated myself on my wise decision. I kept aside the single cashew to eat last.
A surprise awaited me as my mom took her bowl and began eating. There were two cashews under the pongal in her bowl. I was tad sad after watching it. I cursed myself for my rash hasty decision. Mom smiled enigmatically and told me... " janna- remember... what your eyes apparently see may not be real. If you think that you should achieve only what others have, you stand to lose.''

The next day my mom again made sweet pongal brought it in two big bowls and placed them on the neat dining table. As on the first day, a cashew was on top of a bowl of pongal; not in the other. Mom told me... ``kannā... choose which of these two you want!' This time I thought a little smarter. I took a bowl with no cashew in it. A surprise awaited me even that day. No matter how much I poked around the bottom of the bowl with a spoon to find cashew in the pongal ,
I couldn't find it.
Even that day mom smiled and said... "kannā. You should never believe something based on experience. Because sometimes life can cheat you, trick you. Take this as a lesson. This cannot be learned from any textbooks.'

On the third day, mom again brought two big bowls of pongal. She placed both the bowls on the table. Cashew in a bowl of pongal as usual; not in the other.
Mom said... "Choose yourself kannā. Which of these do you want?"
This time I did not take the bowl in haste and patiently said to mom... "ma - you are the head of our family. You are the one who work for our family. So, first you get yourself a bowl. I will take the other."
Mom did not reject my request. She looked rather pleased and took a bowl of pongal with cashew.
I began eating pongal for myself. I thought of course there would be no cashews in this dish. A surprise awaited me even that day. At the bottom of the bowl were many cashews.
Mom looked at me with profound love in her eyes. Then she said with a smile... "Kannā remember. Whenever you wish only good for others like an altruist then only good will result to you.'

I always remember these statements which are life lessons that my mom taught me. Henceforth that's how I act. To be honest, I'm now always winning...''
God - If all are Altruist then I have nothing to do here on Earth .

Thyagarajan · Jan 23, 2024

It looks many of my followers are doing better highly remunerative jobs a d therefore they find no leisure to log in here.
Besides the IL site is experiencing severe hiccups and every command gets executed after considerable time for me. It is very sluggish when it comes to editing the typed text. This also good be the reason for dwindling responses here. We get to know often how many are on line at a given moment including robots. Huge figures for total followers but the quantum really engaged in posting is far a d few between. The level of patience to visit from one section to another section or from one page to another is indeed increasing from few seconds to many minutes. What is the glitch? Is it at my end or my net speed. No. No because other members using same net work in my building are not experiencing any such difficulty.
I ought to hv written this note to admin but I write here because I wish to know from members there experience in logging and browsing IL pages. I experience sluggish performance of IL website while using smart phone and I pad as well. Even after clicking "stay logged in", I find website demands password to get into the site. And then one hell if a wait fir the page to get loaded. I tell myself GTH.

Thyagarajan · Jan 26, 2024

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The above is Screenshot at 7.49pm IST
i.e. From the world over, excluding robots there were 949 curious people were online with indusladies website but none indicated like or what of which forum they viewed or what they wanted no one knows. What does it indicate? People search for some answer in old thread or threads and read and go away I suppose. Rest 3 members only my name in pink was there. Other two I can't or I couldn't guess.
I wish other members do brood about. I am just tagging @maalti
@Viswamitra @joylokhi @umaakumar ...to elicit their views.

Viswamitra · Jan 27, 2024

Dear Thyagarajan Sir,

Thank you for sharing this wonderful life lesson taught by your mother. The lessons learned by practical experience is a lot more valuable than the lessons learned verbally. I also believe raising a child requires sometimes asking questions to the child and make them derive the answer themselves. Those derived answers get etched in the memories for a long time and sometimes throughout life.

Some children are like kitten trusting their mother to navigate through small holes and take the kitten safely from point A to point B whereas other children are like baby Monkeys holding their mother's waist with a tight grip while the mother Monkey jumps from one branch to another. Understanding the nature of the child is #1 in parenting.

Altruiestic approach to life not only helps us develop into a wonderful spiritual being but also helps us build excellent relationships with fellow men and women. In Mahabharatha, once Krishna asked Duryodhana to find at least one good man in a village. He went around the entire village and came empty-handed and said to Krishna, "I couldn't find a single good man in the village and it looks like I am the only good man". Then, Krishna sent Yudhistra to find at least a single bad man in the village and he came back also empty-handed and said to Krishna, "I could not find a single bad man in the village, it looks like I am the only one who needs to grow spiritually". Both selfishness and selflessness exist only in our mind and neither of them are real and it is the attitude of each individual that gets identified with selfishness and selflessness.

As long as we carry an impression that all the success in life belongs to us and we are entitled, the life teaches bitter lessons crushing our ego. Once we begin to hold all that belongs to us like a Trustee, our attitude towards life changes. We are scratching the surface of this planet to make a living and the whole planet is a gift for our collective consciousness. The only way we can express gratitude is to be nice to the fellow beings including plants, insects, animals and human beings.

Once I asked a question in a World Spiritual Conference, "How do I lose my identity as an individual which makes me feel I am this body and mind and also makes me feel attached to my belongings?" A very learned person responded, "First understand your name, fame, body and mind are all there for others to identify and interact with you. You neither get affected by praise nor by blame inside of you as you are a divine being having a human experience. You are changeless and attributeless. You are just a guest visiting this planet for a specific period of time and accept everything that comes your way with same enthusiasm."

I am tempted to quote the poet Rumi here:

"This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond."
—Jalaluddin Rumi

Note: I liked your post 5 times before it accepted my like. It is not your internet connection issue and it is the site issue. The management of IL is aware of this issue and they are working to resolve it. All of us are experiencing what you are experiencing. Many of us have already communicated with the management of IL and let us be patient for now until it is resolved.

Thyagarajan · Jan 27, 2024

Viswamitra said: ↑

Dear Thyagarajan Sir,

Thank you for sharing this wonderful life lesson taught by your mother. The lessons learned by practical experience is a lot more valuable than the lessons learned verbally. I also believe raising a child requires sometimes asking questions to the child and make them derive the answer themselves. Those derived answers get etched in the memories for a long time and sometimes throughout life.

Some children are like kitten trusting their mother to navigate through small holes and take the kitten safely from point A to point B whereas other children are like baby Monkeys holding their mother's waist with a tight grip while the mother Monkey jumps from one branch to another. Understanding the nature of the child is #1 in parenting.

Altruiestic approach to life not only helps us develop into a wonderful spiritual being but also helps us build excellent relationships with fellow men and women. In Mahabharatha, once Krishna asked Duryodhana to find at least one good man in a village. He went around the entire village and came empty-handed and said to Krishna, "I couldn't find a single good man in the village and it looks like I am the only good man". Then, Krishna sent Yudhistra to find at least a single bad man in the village and he came back also empty-handed and said to Krishna, "I could not find a single bad man in the village, it looks like I am the only one who needs to grow spiritually". Both selfishness and selflessness exist only in our mind and neither of them are real and it is the attitude of each individual that gets identified with selfishness and selflessness.

As long as we carry an impression that all the success in life belongs to us and we are entitled, the life teaches bitter lessons crushing our ego. Once we begin to hold all that belongs to us like a Trustee, our attitude towards life changes. We are scratching the surface of this planet to make a living and the whole planet is a gift for our collective consciousness. The only way we can express gratitude is to be nice to the fellow beings including plants, insects, animals and human beings.

Once I asked a question in a World Spiritual Conference, "How do I lose my identity as an individual which makes me feel I am this body and mind and also makes me feel attached to my belongings?" A very learned person responded, "First understand your name, fame, body and mind are all there for others to identify and interact with you. You neither get affected by praise nor by blame inside of you as you are a divine being having a human experience. You are changeless and attributeless. You are just a guest visiting this planet for a specific period of time and accept everything that comes your way with same enthusiasm."

I am tempted to quote the poet Rumi here:

"This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond."
—Jalaluddin Rumi

Note: I liked your post 5 times before it accepted my like. It is not your internet connection issue and it is the site issue. The management of IL is aware of this issue and they are working to resolve it. All of us are experiencing what you are experiencing. Many of us have already communicated with the management of IL and let us be patient for now until it is resolved.
Click to expand...

Kudos to you for a very thoughtful in-depth comments with a poem from Yet another poet & philosopher Rumi . I enjoyed reading your comments repeatedly and the poem too.
Am glad that you had also responded ddd to my woes about the distress I expressed about net connection connectivity and sluggishness of the website.
I feel relieved that IL is looking into the health of their web and looking forward that it's back in robust health. It too needs healing touch!
Regards

maalti · Jan 28, 2024

Thyagarajan said: ↑

It looks many of my followers are doing better highly remunerative jobs a d therefore they find no leisure to log in here.
Besides the IL site is experiencing severe hiccups and every command gets executed after considerable time for me. It is very sluggish when it comes to editing the typed text. This also good be the reason for dwindling responses here. We get to know often how many are on line at a given moment including robots. Huge figures for total followers but the quantum really engaged in posting is far a d few between. The level of patience to visit from one section to another section or from one page to another is indeed increasing from few seconds to many minutes. What is the glitch? Is it at my end or my net speed. No. No because other members using same net work in my building are not experiencing any such difficulty.
I ought to hv written this note to admin but I write here because I wish to know from members there experience in logging and browsing IL pages. I experience sluggish performance of IL website while using smart phone and I pad as well. Even after clicking "stay logged in", I find website demands password to get into the site. And then one hell if a wait fir the page to get loaded. I tell myself GTH.
Click to expand...

I also face the same problem. the site doesn't get loaded at all in all the gadgets I have. That's why I take so much time to post comments, replies etc.

maalti · Jan 28, 2024

Very very valuable lesson taught by your mom. These days children are not so lucky to have such patient moms. Your mother has taught you at the most right time. there is a saying in tamil "siriya vayathil ketkum arivurai pasu marathani pol pathiyum".
Thank you for sharing. Regards

Thyagarajan · Jan 28, 2024

@maalti
Dear sister,
Upon seeing your ENDORSING my statements about I'll health of IL, I was wondering why you chose not to comment on my anecdote "cashew-ma-pongal".
But then i was in fir great delight when I saw your seconding the nomination of this story by our pal @Viswamitra ji. Now I am glad that you had relished the cashew pongal.
I am glad of your comments. Mothers philosophy always drives the world and civilisation. The world civilisation has come this far only because mothers of the world nurtured her children methodically that resulted in matured citizens around the planet Earth. My heart bleeds everytime I come to know a kid's mom departed as soon as she delivered the baby or baba.
Regards.
God Bless

Thyagarajan · Jan 29, 2024

Dear sister @maalti
I enjoyed your comments especially with the tamil adage about things taught correctly in right time to kids not only grasped in full but also stay green in their memory for long. This adage almost borders on another tamil saying "ஐந்தில் வளையாதது ஐம்பதில் வளையுமா?" ( if something tender doesn't ply or flex -or at an impressionable age- it is not going to be better even after ageing).
Regards.

umaakumar · Feb 27, 2024

Dear Sir,

Lessons learnt from our mothers are far more valuable than anything else learnt. At an young age, we sometimes do not heed to these words of wisdom, only to later realise what was said was so true.
I loved reading your post.
Regards
Uma