mil takes my daughter away from me whenever she gets chance

OP,

Your MIL is some what childish but does not seem like a manipulative woman - at least in this case. There is nothing you can do to change your MIL behavior. The child is yours. Do you give bath to your child? Do you feed your child? Do you give massage to your child?

It is not possible for you to take MIL's help in raising a child and not want bad things from her. Is there any compulsion for you to stay with your ILs? If possible, can you move out? Raising a child by yourself is very hard, harder than you can imagine. Then may be, you might feel that MIL "taking away" your daughter from you may not be the worst thing to happen.

 

No, I find her behaviour unhealthy, abnormal and TOXIC.

Please don't give away your child at all. You can share your child with other family members after he turns 2 or 3. No need to make yourself upset over it by giving your baby to others who don't know the proper way of asking for a baby from his mother.

Keep your room locked and fix up a time in the day when you are willing to give your child to them to play with. It's not a joke! You bore the child for 9 months in a womb and it is barely 9 months when the baby is out of your womb, already there are people who are claiming their rights over him. Wonder what they would do when he grows up. Nice try!

 

No dear, I don't think it is at all normal.

In fact you have started your post saying it is normal and then given all the proofs of how your ILs almost snatch your child, and all the reasons why you feel your ILs are no better. It's an unhealthy behaviour, else why would such a thought even enter your mind that your ILs may be trying to 'detach' him from you.

 

Agree with you 1000% on that.
My MIL and FIL snatched my darling husband from me and if they even think of snatching my child, I'd rather remain childless in this life!

 

yes I find this behaviour normal it happens ! And to make it less , you have to be vocal , tell infront of everybody when she is taking her away , straight in her face. that let the daughter play with all here. or you will give her after some time to her. Do this everytime with her. If she doesnot come to realise what wrong she is doing atleast other family members will in course of time. :goodidea:
And best if you can get the old lady involved in some religious institutes, they preach just the right kind of thing for the oldies like 'not to have moh maya towards wealth , or relations' , 'to talk in soft and sweet voice to homemakers' , 'all this is a part of the drama kind of' and 'there is only a god to be loved' . If properly brainwashed you will surely have another heaven in your home !

 

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Hello Janaka..
How well do you know your MIL? Did she anytime harm your baby or do something to hurt her? I am asking these questions to know whether your child is safe in her arms.If she is safe, then don't worry much . You are in a very subtle situation meaning whatever you do or tell, you will become a bad person. In one week i will be in my Mil's place and they have never seen my kid. I am also worried about this , but mine is temporary problem.
Your MIL is taking your baby from you and not talking to you - Reason could be, she wants the child to be more close to her and she is scared if she is nice to you, you may also accompany the baby to her (Mil)room and be there. May be she wants the baby to bond with her..I have seen this nature with many grandparents esp Mils
Why sending FIL? Again, may be she thinks you will not say no if FIL asks, also she doesn't want to come to you for this reason again and again. It is like a step down for her.
Just start involving her in your baby's daily activities like call her when you give your kid a bath, while changing her diaper, washing her clothes etc. Let us see what her reaction will be. Also i don't know if you have plans to start working , if you go for work, if you say something now against her, then when time comes for you to ask her help with the baby, she will show her true colours...So from tomorrow onwards, let MIL help you with baby's daily activities...

 

Do you realize you hit a jackpot?

Huny! You child just 8months old. When mil plays with her for hours, you pamper yourself, sleep, watch tv, go to gym, read a book, cook what you like, go meet a friend......basically enjoy life!

You are the child's mum. No matter what, she will come running to you. Also, she is too young to forget you and get attached to your mil.

When your mil realizes you are using her for babysitting, she will reduce this over acting.

Its win-win for you!

Chill and put your feet up and enjoyyyyy!

 

MIL snatching the grandchild from DIL and not being nice to DIL at the same time - I dont see how this is normal. As much as I understand it happens in many Indian households, its not normal? Just bcoz Rape happens all over the world, will it become normal? I am sorry for such a blunt, totally wrong wrong comparison. But just wanted to drive my point.

OP, whenever your FIL or MIL comes and tries to take the child away, just be nice and tell them you want to spend time with ur child and you dont mind them accompanying you. Just be straight forward, but sweet. Or just follow ur MIL to her room and be with the child. You are a first time mom and you have every right to be wanting to be around the child.

Tulipzz, as much tempting as your idea, it will for sure backfire. Inlaws can easily brand you careless and irresponsible saying she had a child and always shopping, watching TV or what not, never wanting to take care of the child. Just my thought.

 

Hi ,
Even my friend had same problem . Initially she felt very bad. Then one day she made a call to me ( planned one) and told in front of ils that ' In laws are there to babysit' and I am enjoying life. Then she started pampering herself ( putting nailpolish , doing facial ) etc ( though she was fuming inside as she wanted to be with her daughter.
Her ILs couldnt digest the hought that she is enjoying while they are baby sitting. Next thing her mil did was she gave kid to my friend and went to parlour
I am not sure if it will work in ur case .