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mil takes my daughter away from me whenever she gets chance

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by janaka1, Oct 11, 2013.

  1. janaka1

    janaka1 Silver IL'ite

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    I am very disturbed. My mil visibly ignores me in every aspect of family life. She will not talk to me much and will be extra sweet to all others in front of me. Worst of all she will come and take my 8 months old daughter away from me whenever she has an opportun




    Last edited by janaka1; Yesterday at 01:39 PM.​


    ity.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2013
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  2. abinayamadhavan

    abinayamadhavan Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Janaka,
    I feel its quite normal. I say this as normal because this has happened to me also. In my case, I was in my parents house for 3.5 months. I used to be with my son 24/7. AFter i came to my inlaws' place, I hardly get him in my hands. Even I felt like you. They ask my husband to get my son from me. I breastfeed my son,he is 10 months old now. MY MIL doesn't encourage my breastfeeding and she always prefers to feed him formula. I feel may be because it might obstruct the bonding with my son. Fil: never gives him in my hand even if he cries loud searching for me. Whenever we go for some marriages, he wants to take my son. I will never get him in my hands. FIL feels bad when my son rushes towards me from him. I really don't understand if they are possessive/loving him more or just to detach him from me. I am still wondering. Because my parents never behave this way. They are very affectionate on my son, but in this way. FIL didn't allow me or DH to name our son. He forced us to keep the name he suggested and made a big issue.
     
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  3. janaka1

    janaka1 Silver IL'ite

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    exactly ...but what do you do in that case???????
     
  4. anugamit

    anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    Make frequent visits to your parents if they stay in same town.....This has happened to me also...it has been very very frustrating...my kid is now 5 years old but my problem is still not solved yet.

    Once when my kid was 11 months old, my MIL, SIL, and FIL did a wonderful planning to trap me....They all had a dinner without me saying me hold your child while I (MIL) eat and then I will take care of him while you eat..she was so sweet in her words saying "I am coming as soon as possible ha beta"...but she and everybody else had their dinner for an hour and then all quickly cleared up from kitchen and came to take care of my son and sent me for dinner..and they had a joyful family time.....i had to take dinner alone.

    Many other incidents, she tried to snatch him away with the help of FIL...I hate their dramatic and manipulative ways.
     
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  5. abinayamadhavan

    abinayamadhavan Silver IL'ite

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    Initially i used to feel very bad and cry. Nowadays,i stay calm thinking, whatever happens he is my son. Even GOD can't change that. Do you agree?? we both know each other and strongly bonded even before he came to this world. Am i right??

    Now my son says appa, tha tha tha and maa. Sad thing is none of my inlaws teach him to say amma. they teach him say appa, thatha, athai etc... But since from his 3.5 months whenever he cries he says ammaaaa... Even now nobody taught him amma, he says mma mmaa mmaa... My DH tells me watever word he says, he means you and tells it all. He knows only you and you are his world.
     
    3 people like this.
  6. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi OP,

    you can simply go back and get her. Just calmly go to your mil and take the child. You don't have to ask anyone. Tell your mil sweetly, I want to play wih her now; I want to be the one giving her food; I want to make her sleep; I want to console her; I want to read to her - as the case may be. Your husband needn't tell his parents. When you are happy to give the child to your ILs do so. When you aren't happy to, don't. There will be drama initially. If you stick to your guns and insist on don't things wth your dd, there is nothing they can do except get used to it.

    if they complain, just smile and say, "come on. Surely you can join is when we are playing too. We aren't excluding you."

    take prints of photos of your family and show your daughter everyday. Have a specific time in the day for you to sing rhymes with her. If you take charge and make plans for your child's development, no one can do a thing about it. The ones who want to complain will just shut up...
     
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  7. janaka1

    janaka1 Silver IL'ite

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    your post gives me courage....i don't know why i can't think this way...my mil is prone to create huge scenes out of nothing...but you are right. I should stick to my gun..thankx dear :)
     
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  8. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    I would strangle anyone who forcefully took my child from me without my permission, kept my child behind closed doors, and ignored my child's cries for me.

    Unacceptable. Shame on the husbands who tolerate/allow this.
     
    3 people like this.
  9. maya69

    maya69 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    I would agree with guesshoo's advice. Just go back and get your child whenever you feel like. If your mil complains you are being possessive..say yes I am possessive. its my first child only. thats what moms are supposed to be. Arent you possessive of your son even now?? I will bring him back i a little while...

    But on the other hand you also do try to give your child to her on your own. it will show that you can let go also. dont let your child be the trophy in between.

    Regarding saying amma etc.. my ds said thatha first. my fil was thrilled. I did go through some pangs of sadness. But you know all kids eventually do say amma or ma.

    My inlaws continue to stay with me and my ds is till very much attached to me and them in different ways. when he was younger I used to feel bad when I came home from work and my inlaws would proudly say ds said this or did this at school blah blah. I would feel bad that I wasn't first to hear. Then I thought silly me.. I should be happy someone who loves him is home to hear him. So I would go and talk to my ds on my own and hear it all over again from him. Of course now ds is in high school and usually tells me stuff first. My inlaws would hear bits and pieces and would feel left out. :) If its really some important news I remind my son to go tell grandparents too.
     
  10. AnithaPartha

    AnithaPartha IL Hall of Fame

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    Such things happens dear.. With my DS, my MIL will take special care, but I always want my son to be near by me. I didn't have that kind of problem. Whenever I feel like having him, I will hold him. No one can restrict that... He is your kid.
     

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