MIL starting to show her real colours

Icy, i am telling you, there is nothing wrong with your MIL doing so.. That is how most women do..

Yes, onions should be freshly cut before putting the tadka.. It'll lose its flavor if cut and kept in the fridge for long.. One tip to avoid your sinus problem is throw the peeled onion (half cut) in water for 15 mins.. If you cut it afterwards it won't burn your eyes..

Ya, if you make and keep the dough for 2-3 days, it'll get discolored and rotis will taste sour.. So better to knead it fresh and use it up within 2 days.. It is not a big deal..

No.. She is not interfering at all.. Infact she is helping you and providing you both with fresh food.. I really dont see any problem with this..
Best way is to divide your work, leave the kitchen when she enters.. Let her do it on her own.. Then when you enter the kitchen ask her politely to spend time in the hall.. Just divide your work and dont interfere with each other..

 

[JUSTIFY]Yeah riya said it right !! Put onions in water and the tears reduce .

Yeah I think you should listen to her. She is helping you eat fresh everyday instead of stale dough . Stale dough gives sour rotis. Yeah she might be highly insecure because of unhealthy your ways of cooking . Change for better dear . There is nothing wrong in accepting good even from your enemy if the "good" is worthwhile !! Yeah if you really feel she is interfering divide your work as riya and others said .[/JUSTIFY]

 

Icy

One question here...Is it your house or not?? Is it your husband or not?

Because everytime the way you potray it as my MIL gives me kitchen work, my MIL gives me cleaning work, so what does that say about your approach to your house or husband?? who is she to give you work?? isnt it your house? what does that mean? it means you are doing work in your house, for your husband...why is it soo demeaning I didnt understand?

I guess you have to stop thinking of changing/mending your husbands ways and start focussing on yourself...because if you could read your own threads again..you would understand you are more like a fault finder . Anything and everything a person does seems like a fault to you or seems like as if the other person is trying to show you down/put you down., why is that insecurity in your mind built up???

I have suggested this before also....Pls pick up one activity and excel in that...either start working and be good at it without complaining that you are getting tired or that office work is more or that you have to work in office and come back and take care of house etc...YES no complaints but pick up one thing that you want to do and do it diligently not complaining or not pointing out anyone. Even if someone finds faults in the way you do...see how best you can do it and show that you can handle things by yourself.

You are more like a small child who if told how to do things, doesnt like it, but if left alone to handle things on your own, you get overwhelmed.

So if you are at home, not working, why is it difficult to cut onions? why is it difficult to knead the dough? arent there other options to cut onions wihtout tears in yoru eyees?? did you search for tips on that??? instead of complaining?

Do you know if you keep onions in fridge and take them and cut you wont have that burning sensation in your eyes. or as somone suggested try to put them in water after you cut them into half.

So before you look at things negatively try to figure out a way to do things more efficiently , so people would depend on you at that time, They would respect you for being able to handle things and learn things quickly.

Remove the thoughts that all MILs are just complaining type and that they are trying to separate you from your husband. NO...even if she is of that type, for you to be able to have a good relationship with your husband and for your husband to appreciate you, you should start working on yourself more...for some days concentrate on improving yourself dont look at MILs words/faults. Be more patient. Tell her yes mummyji I amgoing to make tea. so when you do that cant your husband see that you are good girl and that you are trying your best to fit in???

Things change slowly...not over night...see how you are struggling daily to change yourself and do what your MIL is expecting you to do...same goes for your husband also isnt it?? so keep doing what you are doing. stop thinking negatively. look at things from positive frame of mind and you would find everything going perfectly as what you wanted.

 

:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotflIcy you always remind me of my SIL.
In my last visit to SILs house I cooked dinner in her new house (cos she dint have idea where the utensils and masaalas were) for 6 people and when I opened the fridge.. to my surprise there were 3 different bowls with old dough but she dint have any idea which was the oldest.. also she had two packets of frozen peas... one discoloured brown and another green and couldn't make up her mind which one to throw off...

You're going great guns.. your MIL shall soon give up and head towards her native out of several failed attempts to train you as per her living....

Read your own posts... each time someone tells you... its perfectly normal you follow her.. your first line is.. ok am doing this and that accompanied by another complain :crazy.
People with sinus either dip the onion into water prior to cutting or chop it in enclosed chopper... also what I couldn't get was that isn't the same sinus getting triggered when you bulk chop the onions ahead of cooking? Do you get it done with some neighbour or maid??? Or is this sinus an issue only at the time of cooking...

 

Icy,

I don't get it. You keep asking us "what should I say, What should I do" even for small scenarios. How old are you that you don't even know how to answer small questions from your mil? Some of her questions don't even sound bad or hard to answer, they just sound... like harmless questions!! And I agree with the others, you are complaining A LOT about everything. Really, you would feel sooooooo much better if you stopped complaining and just took things one day at a time.

Next time your mil asks "So Icy, what color blouse did you end up buying today?" Don't storm back here asking "OMG, she asked me what color it is, how should I answer??????" Just skip all that and tell her "I ended up picking blue/pink/xyz". I think bottling up so much tension inside is really going to cause you a break down. Storing up all these unanswered questions is unhealthy. Please try and work on having open communication with her and your husband instead of microanalyzing everything they say and do.

If she criticizes tell her, "Look, this isn't going to work with you criticizing me everytime. Please let me do my thing, and you do yours. We each need our space to do our own thing."

Probably your dh would have told you BEFORE getting married "Hey, my mom will be living with us after marriage." That was your chance ICY! If you didn't like the thought of living with your mil, you should have found a guy who wanted to live seperate! But now, please make the best of the situation that you voluntarily entered into. You claim your mil is always trying to find fault with you, but it looks like in the privacy of your own mind, you are doing the same to her. Work on getting your emotions under control and learn how to VOICE your opinions, thoughts, ideas and problems to your mil and dh in a calm and productive manner.

 

That's good attitude, Icy!

As I said earlier, just take a suggestion from your MIL or DH as a suggestion and not as a criticism. Just take it easy. Then your life will be easy.. not only yours, but your MIL and DH's lives too. :thumbsup

As Srividhya said, realise that it is your home too. When you feel it that way, cooking for YOUR family, providing fresh food for YOUR husband, cleaning YOUR house, doing YOUR dishes, cleaning YOUR stove etc may not be a big issue to you anymore. Do them happily. Hope you come back soon with the good news that you are happy in YOUR home.

 

Hi Icy

Good luck to you on this ! You will soon realize that not compaining ( and not even to yourself ) will significantly improve this relationship with your DH ..

another thing that struck me when reading all of your posts - understand that the MIL DIL relationship is not an easy one at the best of times , but at the same time there are many many women who have it far worse than you ! You dont have to go very far to see - there are enough posts on IL itself ..

that will help you put your problems in perspective and please do not flare up for every single thing that is said to you . please develop a think skin on some of these - you need it to stay sane ! and try and do what you can to change the situation - go out a work , do some social work , take up a course , anything will help you . Please dont be so helpless and keep venting here without trying to make some changes

I agree with ASG and I am not at all a fan of the joint family system , but you needed to make sure of that BEFORE you married . Now that you are married please try and make the best of it , given that most of your problems are not half as serious as you make them out to be ! Please look beyond and put your problems in perspective

Good luck again !