Mil lashes out in front of everyone

The worlds cannot collide -George costanza.

 

Why were u expecting care&attention from Mil's,grr I think you were expecting too much...wht's wrong when she was taking care of her dd when you had attention of ur dh, parents&sis.. Come on just ignore her behaviour& just chill!!!

 

Too many people cooped up in too small a place leads to too many troubles.

And leads to too many 'too' being used in too small a sentence.

 

My opinion is different from most people. While I would not have cared if my mil did nor gave me attention - not as long as my husband and parents are there with me, I would still be peeved if my mil tried to force my husband to go off with her leaving me in a van had I been sick. I guess I am not the ideal Indian girl because firstly if a mil expects her dil to treat her like a mother then she needs to step up in her mother role. She cannot differentiate between her own daughter and her dil. After all she is breaking two very Indian adarsh- one daughter is paraaya dhaan and second dil should treat mil as her own mother(to the point of breaking all ties with her own mother). That being the case, mil wants to have her cake and eat it too. Not fair (assuming all facts presented as true) mil is completely wrong.

I am not a adarsh Indian girl because I don’t automatically assume elders should be treated with respect ( just because they are elders) they need to earn that respect. I by default respect everyone – young or old, unless they give reason not to. In this case, the OP’s ire is understandable. In addition to the OP being sick, the mil was not just indifferent but she added to her dil’s woes.

The worst thing is even had the OP done something wrong, the mil being the “mature” one should have ignored it or raised it with her dil later. Why did she scream at her parents? Had it been my parents, she would never have dared to do something like that again.

All said and done, I would advise you not to care about the rest of the people in the van. Sorry to say this but the other Son in law seems spineless to sit there and let his mil berate his own mother.

 

Agree with sdiva20 completely

 

By some people it is considered inauspicious to go near a temple but not go inside. It was a headache not childbirth. Compromises like husband go and come back quickly to you were possible. Or your mom/sister stay with you while husband goes inside. If there is a line, he could go just when they are reaching the head of the line.......

what do you mean by MIL was insisting that your DH leave you alone? She wanted him to go inside the temple. Did she say you *have* to be alone and your mom/sister also cannot be with you?
Dear Rihana,
I totally disagree with your statements. If I were in her situation my husband would accompany me for sure. And her mil's insecurity is very obvious. Why should one's sis/mom accompany her even though her beloved is with her. Its his wife. So his mom should have been matured. Headache might seem very silly for you. But her husband cares her like this. So its appreciated. Only some husbands will care their wife like this. But in our society, a husband who takes care of his wife like a queen will be guilt. If my husband is having headache, I will accompany him and try to help him out. Similarly if a wife is not feeling good, there is nothing wrong in accompanying her. Its his duty to accompany her. I think her mil is so immatured. I wonder how you could imagine one's sister/mom to accompany while her husband is also there.
Maybe her intent had nothing to do with your suffering, and rather she only wanted her son to go with her inside the temple.

If her son-in-law is suffering from headache and his wife is accompanying him, Will this lady behave like this? Most of us roaming around here are one sided.

 

Hi Rihanna- Lets cheer a loving husband here. I differ in my opinion on this:

My philosophy is simple- I, had two different religious marriage ceremony- let me be clear- to the same person and in both religion (and language) we both promised to love, honor and cherish each other. I never made those promises to anyone else- MIL, mother etc.

.....The wedding vows also went something like this- in sickness and health we will be with each other. If I am sick, I want my husband

I am sure God will forgive us for honoring our wedding vows. No offence Rihana but because most women (DIL's) are very accomodating that MIL's dare to ill-treat them. Plus God is not in a temple but in our heart... and everywhere else.

 

Its good to stand by ideals as long as we take care not to tread on others. Including our DHs and their parents .

God is also in a temple

We marry our spouses ..we dont own them.
Trying to demand 100 % of spouses attention in the few weeks they get to spend with family back in India is very similar to a toddler throwing a tantrum and a sure way to emotionally distance ones spouse.

 

Why now a days every thread in IL becoming the topic of debate leaving the op aside and trying to say whatever they told is correct looking like its not a forum but some debate competition one must win for sure :rotfl :bonk