mil has to know everything?

sashie · Oct 24, 2007

hi ladies, today i am burning up from inside and i need some of your guidance. i have extended family (who doesn't get along with il's) visiting me from out of town, my dh is ok with it (although he would prefer it, if they were not here). i did not tell mil/fil/sil because they do not get along. of course dh tells my sil, and then like clock work she reports to her parents (my mil/fil). my question is what do i say when mil asks me on the phone why i didn;t tell her about this visit? she thinks she has to know every little detail about me. my il's never tell me when they are going to come here, they only tell dh, i was only following their way . my exetended family doesn;t even call me, because they don;t want to deal with my il's. any ideas? thanks in advance. sash:idontgetit:mg:

Blondie · Oct 24, 2007

Hi Sashie,

with what you have said, my suggestion is not to get too worked up. As per what to say when your mil calls and asks you about the visit " Oh i thought DH has already told you like he always does" in the politest and nicest manner would suffice. A little bit of diplomacy goes a long way in these types of domestic warfares, where as tit for tat behaviour only ends up in hurt feelings.

So perk up and enjoy your extended family's visit with you.....and do remeber to be extra cheerful when your mil calls and you happen to pick up the phone ( i am assuming that if your husband picks up the phone she would hang up after talking with him)

sonu1973 · Oct 26, 2007

Hi

I have the same problem...My husband is a mummy's boy and she tells him everything about the family, functions, occassions and i just have to tag along when someone remembers to tell me...but they ask everything to my husband about me, where i go etc. I have 3 sils so if he tells one then everyone knows what i do which is so annoying sometimes as they dont tell me what goes on on there side and then when i say that i wasnt told they say there is ntohing to say...
Classic example was when it was navratri and i went there to visit...they ring my husband to tell me to bring my clothes and he forgot to tell me so i didn't take anything and then when they were all dressed and leaving the mil says to me come on get ready so i said i haevnt bought my clothes so she said to me well we told my husband so i said well no good telling him as he dosent tell me everything and u should have called me and told me...and then she got the hump and walked off but they dont see thier mistakes. Then when my son was born they did all the naming ceremony, then ddint tell me what they were gonig to do or how...they gave mithais to everyone n didnt tell me but that is all fine...so one day i got mad and told my husband that from now on u dont tell what or where i am going to them as i dont want them to know...but they still ask him...my husband never speaks up but i do...if they tell me u didnt tell us then i just give it back and say well i never get treated like a family member and am not told things so i dont see why i have to broadcast my business (not in those words but more diplomatic) and the highlight is when they say u are our daughter....lol what ajoke that is....i said to my mil u dont treat me like a daughter in law let alone a daughter.....
They never change so we have to change and become like them and thats what they dont like....Dont worry just be strong and brave. stand up for urself or they will walk all over you. Take care all the best sonu