MIL giving hard time

Do you think seperation is going to bring your husband to his knees, or would he just go deeper into alcohol and MIL's clutches? You should take him for counselling once MIL is gone. Or if you want your seperation funda to work, you should try it after MIL has left.
What about asking his friends to have him stop drinking? What about making him scared of the effects of alcohol? You'll find plenty of those on the internet.
But nothing will work while she is here. Can you go somewhere else while she is here for a vacation - parents, friends? And if she/DH ask, tell them point blank that MIL and drinking are driving you crazy?
Whats your husband take on his mother telling him not to load the dishwasher?

 

Yes, i had tried temporary separation to shake up my Husband some time back.. Let me warn you , living separately is a very painful thing.. Remember you have a baby and you are not all healthy.. I suggest to maintain your cool for time being.. I lived separately from my husband for about a year or so because of nuissance from MIL.. Initial days were very bad.. MIL used to speak very badly to my parents and husband used to hurl abuses at me.. They used to badmouth me to pther relatives and all..
So be careful before taking this step..

However, my advise to you is, get stronger and bolder.. Kick your MIL's butt out of your house.. Yes, it is your house and she doesn't have any right to ruin your peace of mind in your own house.. Kick her out.. Once, she is out of the house, get your husband to rehab or couselling to give up his alcoholism.. Get strong and tell her that it is your house and that she and her politics has no room in your house..

 

Ya, right now i am living with my husband.. Though there is an occasional coldwar between us, most of the time it is ok..

It all started with my MIL who gave a hellish time.. It was when i joined them with my 3 month old baby.. I was working back then.. MIL started playing a double game, one in front of husband and one in front of me.. When my husband left for office, she would start harassing me.. She never let me use hot water, hide the snacks in her room.. Such cheap dirty games she started playing.. She use to threaten me to dump me back in my parent's place if i didnt serve her daughter (my SIL).. She made my FIL fight with me and force me to quit my job.. I refused to do so..

I tried to tell all this to my husband, his reply was ' I dont know, i dont think mummy can do so'.. He refused to even listen to my problems..
So, i left that place and started living with my parents.. I continued my job from there, while my mother used to babysit my child.. Initially, my husband used to speak very rudely to me for leaving the house.. Then my MIL used to badmouth about me and my parents.. She used to tell that my parents are shamelessly keeping their married daughter in their house.. My husband used to force me to quit job and he was very cold..
Back then it was very hard for me taking care of a child single handedly.. The child is very clingy and never found enough time to juggle between job and taking care of the child..
Things continued like this for a year or so, then one day my husband called me, he spoke for quiet a long time and apologized for his mother's behavior.. He told that he would tell her to behave properly with me.. After that i went and joined him.. But things continued the same way.. Again same old harassment and stone deaf husband..
Luckily after 2 months after joining him, he got an opportunity in US and we moved here.. Here also, she tries to play hell with me but it wont affect me as badly as in India.. I try to forget her mindless words.. And my husband keeps changing plates, once he dances to his mother's tunes and once he says he wants to live with me.. I feel very bad when he doesn't stand by me.. I truly dont know how long this set up will continue..
The trust i had previously on him is lost.. I am not able to love him like before.. It is more like two adults living under same roof.. The separation created a huge rift between us.. My MIL wanted us to live separately and by moving out of that house, i gave way for her devilish deeds..

 

Semaphore,
yes, i wouldn't have resented if this had happened anyother time, but they chose to do so during post partum and it was very depressive painful period.. But as you said, time heals and now i'm on my feet and they couldn't knock me down..

In relation to your case, i still suggest you to be careful and be patient.. Dont become weak and runaway from the situation.. Stand there and face it.. By running away, you will be giving complete control in your MILs hands and god knows what and all she might play to destroy your marriage.. So stand there and smoke her out.. Render her powerless and take control of your marriage..
If she says it is her sons house, then tell her that it is your husbands house and that the primary responsibility of her son is towards his wife and children, whom even the law deems as primary dependents.. Your MIL's place is in her husband's house and not in son's house..

I know in extreme intolerable cases, there would be no other option but to leave the house.. You got to try your best to save the marriage..

Good Luck

 

Riya crooked people are everywhere, but in general a Mother will never want to ruin her son's life by asking to seperate. Esp when kids are involved, an average mom will always want her son to live happily.

Semaphore, I can understand your situation as you say your MIL never helps and you have pain still you do lot of work and all. I have heard this from another female friend of mine that her mil used to just sit on couch and want food in hand even though my friend was working.

In contrast let me give you my e.g my mother right from beginnnig whenever she lived with us, used to be in kitchen from morning to night. She used to help and do everything. That did not help us either. At that point some DIL dont feel thankful, rather my wife justified her working in home to her earning. But she fails to see there are so many women who work , earn and their MIL also sit and dont do anything.. Its just how one is taken advantage of, there are MIL and DIL too who take advantage....

 

Semaphore, I too called my husband back after a separation. Read my earlier threads to get an idea. It wasnt long for me and my husband came to his senses or I drilled it to him the hard way. I then kicked my ILs and Monster SIL out of our lives to see where we go. That helped immensely and now its like a bad dream over.

One thing I do feel in your case is your husband will go back to being caring once your in laws get back. But that wud only be something he does to keep peace and not seeing sense. One possible solution wud be to separate. But in your case as you are still weak, I suggest you to stay back. At the same time, Hire some help. Meaning have cleaners and have somebody cook meals for you. I see ads for this all the time . That way you dont have to slog too much in the kitchen. Mind you do it when your in laws are around. Go into war right now. There is no right or wrong moment. Its now or never.Its your house. Put this thought firmly in your mind and start out. If you MIL starts with any verbal abuse walk out or tell her you cant do it and you will hire help for it.

Coming to your husband you shud have put a stop to his drinking a long time ago. Now warn him and see to it that he stops. I dont think drinking until 1 a.m is healthy with a kid in the house. If you dont put a stop to it now or he doesnt stop the kid will grow up to seeing the father drunk.Do you want that?Also coming to physical abuse, let me tell you it never stops if it starts. Wives are easy punching bags to all husband's anger if they dont know to channel it in right place and not on wife. I was one of them. So I know it never stops unless we stop it. Give him a warning that he needs to stop or you will call 911. Take one step at a time. Tell your MIL not to interfere. Pardon me nobody shud be victimising husband or wife if they are not each other. I mean SIL,BIL or any such IL's. They are only pushing their own insecurities doing it. Cut them off. If they are nice on face and back bite behind, dont entertain talk with them. Sometimes we need to feed them the bitter pills.
I do feel you will recover faster if you are by yourself and get some help full time. Have cleaning service and food delivered. That way you can concentrate on the baby.Good Luck.