MIL competing with me in looks in front of DH

Why dont you start wearing only western dresses, skirts and stuff like that. I am sure you will look good in them and your MIL can even think of buying or wearing them:rotfl. Then you can jokingly ask her if she wants to try on a dress and see the look on her face. Then try to console her saying oh! 51 is not too old...look at all the ladies here and they wear mini skirts etc....

Regarding the privacy - others have given you a wise advise...just dont stress yourself up too much...let her be and you be yourself thats all.

cheers,
NB

 

I can agree with the first statement. It does tend to get very irritating when it goes overboard.

When the mom-in-law does not want the DIL to wear jeans etc in India, it could have been because she didnt want her to lose face in front of relatives. If she had been wearing in India and didnt let her DIL wear it, then I think there would be an issue. Lots of MILs I know, expect their DILs not to wear jeans etc in India, but are not against them wearing it in the US or UK. As long as she does not stop the DIL wearing it when in the US, I think it should be ok..

Mythili

 

Mythili , Okay MIL din't want DIL to lose face in front of relatives so she objected to her wearing jeans in India and from the sound of her post looks like Manavi obliged.DIL also feels MIL looks cheap among her society people when she tries to compete with her.Now don't you think its fair for the DIL to expect MIL to do the same in return.

 

Re: MIL competing with me in looks in front of DH - Pls advise !

Is it normal? well, I would say, normally a grown up man and mother don't behave like this but I have seen at least some people who do. Some men are more attached to their mothers than others. So, you are not alone. It is very irritating for the wife to see her DH behaving like this but I think they are more childish/immature than anything else. So, I would say just accept it the way it is. Don't say anything to DH. He wouldn't understand.
Moreover, they have left now so you are free to enjoy your life with your DH and without them.

 

Hi Manavi,
If there are no other issues apart from her weird behaviour and too much clinging to your DH, Then don't worry too much. Does she help you with housework? does she care about youDoes your DH care about you? these are more important things.
From your posts, it seems your MIL comes from a conservative background so she dresses conservatively back in India and asks you to do the same so that people don't point fingers at her and you. The conservative background also explains why your DH shows affection to her mother but not you because he is brought up that way. He is uncomfortable showing affection in front of elders.
It seems your husband is a caring person. Not many grown up men show affection to their mother. I think your DH will prove to be a very good father. So, go ahead and plan your family.
If your MIL is not trying to put you down and you think she is going to be good help for you post pregnancy, then you might like to call her over.

 

Dont do things which spoil your peace of mind, especially when you are pregnant. If your MIL's behavior disturbs you so much, dont invite her over.

She and your husband may or may not be having bad intentions, a different issue altogether. That doesnt mean she and her son dont need to watch the way they act and behave. They are adults and grown ups and should be well aware of how they behave and conduct themselves. If not, give your husband a piece of your mind and tell him that his behavior is not acceptable.

She is his mom and tell him to behave like that.

-Lakshmi

 

Re: MIL competing with me in looks in front of DH - Pls advise !

hi,

i don't feel any odd in ''most of the points'' you have mentioned...becasue when i read it i imagined my mother and brother relationship...my be your mil is much more attached with ur dh as my brothe is, it is almost like this, and i or even my sil don't find anything odd in it...my mother doesn't ask my brother 'how she is looking etc stuff, but my brother says that-"you are looking modern in this one" or so..

my mother also didn't allow me to wear jeans / short skirts etc, even she strictly told me to wear saree for first 1.25 months of my pregnancy (12yrs back)..but now she doesn't expect such thing from her dil, rather she bought short skirts with small strips etc in her europe trip and she herself wore jeans/top in her trip...

i also noticed the change when i saw her in jeans for the first time but i think, they try to change their views with modern dil/daughter and culture..and may be - i can easily adopt this because she is my mother and not the mil..

so don't give much importance and don;t try to smell anything unless there is fire....they have already gone right...then enjoy ur life with ur dh
take care,