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Mil closeness to sisters's ILs - should I be worried?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by coolNash, Jul 29, 2014.

  1. coolNash

    coolNash Junior IL'ite

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    Hello ladies,
    please help to clear my thoughts.. Long story short my ILs don't get along with me and we have had several incidents which reduced my interactions with them. To the extent that I don't spk to thm over phone.. They come here once every 1.5 yrs and we just have minimal communication.. Their relationship with my parents also strained ...

    I don't think I can ever solve difference we hav each other.. They hav done a lot of things in the past to hurt me and spoil my equation with DH. But that is not the pbm I m here with. My sister got married less thn a year ago and her ILs happen to be in the same area as my ILs... My sis immediately moved to US after wedding so has not spent much time with her ILs yet but is fairly cordial with them. My mil got their number in my sister's wedding and apparently is trying to get close with them..I don't have a pbm with it as long as it's done with gud intentions..however I feel she has some motive behind it. I m worried that she would gossip about me/ parents with my sis MIL and influence her in forming some baseless opinion on my maternal family which in turn might affect her equation with my sister and my parents.. Am I worrying unnecessarily?
    Also my mom and sis MIl talk over the phone once a while and her MIL mentions that my MIL called her and invited her home etc.. My mom is left not knowing how to react..how should she deal with it?

    would really appreciate you help. Thanks
     
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  2. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    I am going through similar things where people are spreading malicious gossip and lies about me. I am coping by being as cordial as possible and limiting my interactions. God punishes people who spread malicious gossip and lies. Even in the Bible, one of the people talks negatively about her brother marrying a woman from another ethnicity to the rest of her family, and God punishes this person with a disease that keeps her separated from her family.

    Of course, this principle is called Karma.

    I certainly believe that your MIL has bad motives. Some people have nothing better to do.

    No need to worry too much, just think about God. My mother badmouths me to everyone in her place of worship while chanting God, God, and she takes the side of my abusive husband, who also badmouths me to everyone, and puts up an act that he is God-fearing. In the end God makes the final judgement.

    Your job is to be civil to them (I learned this the hard way. When you also engage in anger and fighting, you add to your bad karma, and then have to work it out)
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2014
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  3. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    Did you speak to your DH about this? He should call his mom and put his foot down with respect to her spreading anything malicious about you. He should be on her on the purpose of her actions and nip this in the bud.
     
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op....I don't think there is much that can be done about this. You can calmly let your sister know what is happening and at most she can tell her husband and let him know the possibility of your mil doing some mischief and causing problems between her and his family. If he is smart...he will know what to do and whom to belive.

    As for your mom...she shouldn't say anything. If her mil is sensible...she will know better than to believe your mil . If she is not sensible then in any case...if not your mil,something else would cause problems.

    Just chill. Inform your sister and inform your husband.
     
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  5. rkarunak

    rkarunak Silver IL'ite

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    Of course Yes!! It is a matter of concern, but not sure if you can do anything about it. keep cool. Build your network better.
     
  6. coolNash

    coolNash Junior IL'ite

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    Thank you chennai express, frommars, YM, rkarunak for your comments..

    i am am not so sure if I should be takin this to DH. He so blindly takes his mom's side no matter what .. N for this he will simply say that I always make her look like a villain... Plus he has no say when it comes to his mom.. She is the boss and wil take advise from no one..I m pretty sure even DH does not know all this is happening..as YM said I am probably better off warning my sister..

    chennaiExpress- unfortunately I seem to loose belief in the word karma lookin at all the things happening around ..I still believe in god so can only pray nothing affects my sister's life due to MILs presence in my life..
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    CoolNash...don't say anything negative to DH ....just mention innocently that mil and sister's mil are having a get together .You can mention mil met her at the wedding and they stay close by.Then get busy doing work.If he knows his mother well.....he will guess the rest.
     
  8. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    I am also against bringing your husband into picture. Yes,it is something you need to be worried about. But I think you need to take your sister into confidence and tell her that your MIL's intentions may not be very innocent. Warn your sister too.
     
  9. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    Also, one thing , you shd start developing relationg with your sis PILs faster than your MIL spreads bad words abt u .

    Anyways it is win-win...if ur MIL is not spreading bad words, ur build up good repo with sis's MIL and helps ur sis
    if ur MILs spreading bad words, u r already in good books with ur sis's PIls.
     
  10. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    When you are climbing one side of the mountain, can you see what is climbing up the other side?

    Have faith that something good is happening for you and your sister right now, and that is why you are getting so much push-back from negative forces.

    For the past several days I had surges of angry thoughts, then I say outloud that good things are happening for me somehow, somewhere, and that's why I'm getting all this negativity.

    Anyone who is threatened by you will fight you very hard.

    It takes time to grasp this idea, but it's ultimately about having Faith in God, however you look at it .....
     
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