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MIL and SIL from HELL!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by tulipzz, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    My MIL and SIL are straight from hell. MIL is eduated, she worked for 17yrs before taking VRS. I'm married for close to 3yrs now. I am a working woman and MIL knows all the hardships. FIL was never helpful to her. He doesnt show any love or concern. And NOW, the prob is, she wants DH to be like his dad. ie., treat me like as though I exist only for doing things at home and please his parents.

    Btw, my MIL doesnt get along with anyone. She is not in talking terms with her own parents and sisters. Not many relatives too. DH is her only son and she just has nothing else to do in life. So, she keeps brainwashing DH into doing things the way she likes. I've always been independent and lived life the way I wanted. Slowly MIL started dictating what I should wear, where I should go etc etc...and SIL is fit for nothing girl who thinks too much of herself. She too sits at home and does nothing. She used to work for an IT company, but in less than 2 yrs, she decided its too stressful for her and she quit. She keeps demanding expensive gifts from DH. (that too very smartly. She gets MIL to tell DH)

    I am not the kind to treat ppl badly. I knwo my limits and I dont interfere too much into others lives. They can visit us whenever they want as long as they dont poke into my matters. MIL thinks she can set rules for me...

    I have nothing to complain at the moment. But I really wanted to vent. Its all in the past. We moved to London a year ago and things are okay since then. There are a lot of incidents that left a deep scar in my mind. I am not able to forgive them. DH is a nice person. He loves me. BUT when his mom is around, he is like devil pocessed....He is not mine. He acts like her puppet.

    I am trying to forget everything and move on. DH is okay about not moving to the same city as in-laws incase we return to India. I love him for that. DD's birthday is coming up and I am dead scared what MIL will do this time when we visit India. DH will be there for just 1 week but MIL is v.v.v.v..v.smart. She can brainwash DH in 30 mins... I am just very scared. During our last visit too, DH was there for only 1 week. Out of nowhere, he was very angry with me and he refused to talk to me or see DD until I went to his place and said sorry to MIL (Why the ****?)...BTW, my MIL kicked me out of her house for not listening to her (yes, literally, becasue I told her I cannot let anyone dictate what I wear. I dont wear jeans etc in their presence. I only wear Salwaars. MILs wants to have a say in which dress I wear to which funciton)

    Thanks for letting me talk.. I've written just 10% of the whole scene. But it summarizes it all.... Just wanted to talk...

    Love,
    Tulipz
     
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  2. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    You, my dear, have a keeper for a husband. This one sentence tells me that you will be fine.


    Talk away, girl. That's what these forums are for. :)
     
  3. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Here are the rules set by MIL

    1. DH should not help me in the kitchen
    2. DH should not come to drop me at my parents place
    3. I should wear what she likes
    4. DH should buy SIL all that he buys me.
    5. We shouldnt visit my relatives
    6. I should shut up if MIL or even SIL says something
    7. MIL and SIL will choose all the clothes and accessories for DD. (not gifts. we should pay for them. Everything from stroller, bibs etc)
    8. I should get up on early even on weekends (SIL and DH sleep like logs)
    9. MIL decided when DD's ear piercing should happen
    10. DH should not buy me anything
    11. He should not drop me at office (even when I was preg)
    12 Even if I am not well, I should take a tablet and cook. (Should not get food from outside)

    etc etc...
     
  4. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you. This is DH's isolated opinion. BEFORE we tell MIL about it. If it remains the same even after talking to her about it, I'll consider myself blessed.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2010
  5. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Sometimes due to frustration our mind creates big problem from small one, misunderstanding, bitterness cause that to happen too. So every small issue is magnified and blows out of proportion. Just be on guard that it does not happen with you, be reasonable to analyse and come to conclusion.

    This list looks like one of that "Angrezon ke jamane ke Jailer's list"

    How is one supposed to live under house arrest?:)

     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2010
  6. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Tulipz, your mil only has power if you let her. Does your husband follow those "rules" of hers??? As for what you wear or anything else, tell her again and again, however many times it takes, that YOU will pick out what to wear.

    You are in London... how will she stop you from ordering food from outside if she is sitting in India? She is powerless to stop you.

    As for your DD's earpiercing and all that, take control over your own life and start scheduling these type of things yourself.

    Whatever she says is only words. Don't give those words power by following through with what she says. Wear what you want, eat what you want, and let your husaband see for himself just how crazy all these rules are. Probably he ignores half of it, else by now you'd be going crazy, right?
     
  7. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    For once, I am speechless. WOW! Control-freak much, MIL?
     
  8. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Yep, I totally agree with u. Soemtimes because of the past, I tend to over react to things MIL does. As of now, as long as her 'advice' doesnt effect me, I dont bother. DH calls her daily and I am sure she gives him a fair deal of bhashan. Honestly speaking, she was a fabulous mom. She did a lot for her children. But I think its unfair to expect me to pay for it. Whenever she is frustrated, she shouts at them and they keep quiet. But after marriage, for every frustration in her life, I became the dart board. Shouting on children reduced adn shouting on DIL too pace. For no reason sometimes. and she even tells DH 'Cant she keep quiet and take it from me when I am angry' Hello???? Whenever DH and I fight, she WANTS to know about it. and then she'll interfere and make it bigger. She even listens to our private conversations secretly.

    I will never stop DH from being with her whenever he/she wants. As long as DH doenst come back home to shout at me for something his mom is upset about...I am happy.

    Life is so unfair sometimes. My expectations are small and I am reasonable. Still, I got inlaws who make it so difficult for me :(
     
  9. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    DH is such a donkey when MIL is around. He told me since she is my MIL, she has the rights to set rules for me. Also, the same rules dont apply to him or his sister becuase 'Sister's MIL will set rules for her'

    must accept that my MIL is a smarty (IIT Msc Math gold medalist)...She has very convincing foolish answers. DH buys them everytime!!
     
  10. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    You mean she listens to arguments or fights, or she listens to even normal conversation? How does she do that if its not loud and not an argument.? One should not listen to someones conversation secretly, that is not right...

    But your problems with your MIL are way too big...


     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2010

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