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Mil And Her Mood Swings

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sweetumrn, Sep 10, 2019.

  1. sweetumrn

    sweetumrn Senior IL'ite

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    Vent :(
    I m working mom my baby is 11 month old now. I rejoined work 2 months back since then my MIL mood swings have increased, one day she will be fine next day she will not talk to anyone (pls note she was in native all these years after my FIL brain hemorrhage surgery they moved with us ) I have been following whatever she tells never answer back still she behaves as if i have done something wrong.
    Hubby tells me she s like that only from his childhood, she wants to do all household work herself though we have maid . cooking also she wants to do along with that she wants to take care of baby.
    now a days i m scared to leave my baby with her :cry:. my office provides creche facility i m planning to bring her here but she is against it...i have tired whatever she likes to do... she likes to go for shopping , temples i make sure to take her out every 2 weeks for shopping temples we do take her to SIL place o=monthly once ... still no change not sure what do :( :disappointed::disappointed::disappointed:going mad. please suggest what can be done..
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
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  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:I have never come across a post like this in this forum in the last two and odd years.
    2. A kind of oasis in desert of complaints against woman Hitler I mean MIL s. Here everything reversed. She wants to do all including attending to baby. In the world of MIL - DIL, any DIL. Would like to say, “ LOOK MIL. WHEN I AM AWAY YOU TAKE CARE OF MY SON & I WOULD TAKE CARE OF YOUR SON”.
    3. Ok it is your desire to take your babe to office crèche. Would your hubby ok with it? But before analysing and suggest solution to you, one would be inquisitive as why you want to take away the kid with you to office.

    Thanks and Regards.
     
  3. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    May be she was depressed after losing her husband and feeling alone once u all left to office,so she going into depression due to loneliness,try to speak with her during ur lunch hrs and if u can try to arrange some maid who can give company to her during day time still u back ,
    Ur lucky to hav a mil like she was taking care of all workday home,she was from village there she used sits with neighbors and frnds here spending all day at home making her in mood swings,may be she don't have any other option rather than adjusting wth u,but it takes time to both of u,be bit patience and try to speak with her during ur off hrs als,
    If u take ur baby wth u it's very difficult for her to be alone at home,I know ur afraid of the baby,try to arrange some video cam where she can call u or u can call her and look wats going on during day time...
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  4. Mina7

    Mina7 New IL'ite

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    I agree this may be a sign of depression, would probe gently ,maybe ask SIL to talk to her and see
    Often times society places a lot of expectation on women , especially as they age
    Would not reduce the current support

    If used to village atmosphere, living in city is very isolated and a big change
    Expectations now that she is with son is to take care of child ( by society ;;not saying you )
    And she may be showing her frustrations like this
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  5. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    Could be menopause. Check with doctor. It is a very hard time for a woman. She may have hormonal or vitamin imbalance. If it gets checked and treated in time she should be back to normal.
    In any case she seems not too bad. Could be worked around.
    But taking baby to office run crèche is not a bad idea. You could go spend time with baby during breaks and baby gets used to outside social network. Though personally I would hold off on the idea if possible until baby is a little bit older being able to communicate. Around 3 years of age. Considering all the negative things we hear about day cares.
    Hope you find a better solution
     
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  6. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    If she’s been like this from all her life, what makes you think she will change now ??

    Does she not like you working, since it’s increased after you rejoined work ? If so, it will take some time for her to get used to it.

    Make sure the maid is there regardless of your mil doing n let your mil do whatever she wants.

    According to me, asking someone to do work when they don’t like is the same as asking people to rest when they want to work. It’s not possible for some.

    One of my granny is like that, she likes doing so much around the house despite having 3 helpers. She will get so annoyed if you stop her. It’s better to let them be n do whatever they want. But the help were always there. N it’s hard to change them.

    This should be decided between u n your hubby. If going with the home option, Have a baby sitter along with your mil so she doesn’t have to do ‘everything’ but can supervise.

    I think the best thing to do here is just to accept her as she is. Understand her mood swings n just accept it as her ‘episode’. Ensure there’s always help around the house.
     
  7. deepthivinayak1

    deepthivinayak1 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,
    She is lonely after losing her husband. Also she is taking care of baby,household work and cooking. It all affects her. She might be thinking ,if she do all work she will avoid her husbands memories. Also, even new moms will b depressed or tired to take care of crawling or walking baby, in her age it might be more difficult. She will b doing this for her kid and grand kid but her age and recent loss ,taking a troll.
     
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  8. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, best thing is accept her as she is. Also dont take these mood swings to your heart and get affected by it. Believe it has nothing to do with you.

    Keep doing what you are doing to take care of her. Before going to office talk to her. Once you are back, enquire how was her day. did she eat anything. Make sure to make her feel your appreciation and care . Talk normally and pleasantly with her.

    Many old people are like that, especially lonely ones. Need lot of patience from our side. All they need is consideration, respect and care. She is doing so much for you. Let her do what she wants. You can continue to be who you are. Be there if she need something. You are a good DIL, pl dont get affected by her mood swings. Count your blessings. Your dh understands you,that's a plus point.
     
  9. sweetumrn

    sweetumrn Senior IL'ite

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    Problem with me is i cant so no to her in anyway, i thought taking baby with would give her some rest as my baby is getting to naughty day by day.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  10. sweetumrn

    sweetumrn Senior IL'ite

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    My FIL is still alive, sorry if my line was not clear. i like your idea of Video cam will do that.
     

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