MIL and her Blind Faith in Astrolgers

SriVidya75 · Jan 9, 2010

Tulip

Every doctor says that the moment you decide to TTC, it takes atleast 3 to 5 months depending on the body types...not everyone conceives immediately. That too with so much of stress around and the daily work load, things would take time.

First of all you got all worked up when the test came negative, then you read that book, again worked up...after seeing all this am sure your husband would have gone real crazy seeing your extreme upset feelings as he too feels helpless on how to handle this situation. he did support you and say that ignore his mom and he did say not to read the book, isnt it??? why even take all that steam off on him??

anyways ..what ever done is done...leave that behind.Pls APOLOGIZE to him. explain to him about your emotions and fears. Explain to him as to what impact that WORD in the book had on you and how it brought all the scared fears and feelings out all at once. Clarify that you are not angry with your MIL, but youare upset and feeling bad with the kind of words you have to read and what your MIL thinks about you.

when you are TTC remember, its just not only you, even your husband is also involved emotionally in all this. So plsdo support each other during this wonderful baby making time...its none of your/his fault...the moment you conceive you would know all the fights/upset talks you both had are worth nothing...

Good Luck and do clear out the air with your husband...have a happy TTC

vidhkarthik · Jan 9, 2010

Very well written tara! So true. We spend so much time visiting temples and going on vraths that we even forget to the most basic stuff involved in getting pregnant.

Tulip, TTC is stressful for both husband and wife. I have been in this for the last 1.5 yrs and I do have an idea what am talking about. Frankly, I do not feel anyone is at wrong me except that you overreacted a little bit.

Your MIL did what all MIL's would do. It is wrong but all she did was to send a prayer book. In India, you can't alter the prayer books. It just comes in a particular format and she must have sent it to you. Give her the benefit of doubt if she has not done this before. This is what I would have done.

Your husband has done the perfect thing to do. He asked you not to read that book and supported you to a very large extent. What else can he do? The funny part is you have been trying for 1 month now and he must have been amazed to see your volatile reaction. I really feel that at times we women blame hormones for all our weird, wrong actions and expect the menfolk to understand that. Not gonna happen dear!

You stop over reacting and do not make 1 month of TTC into a mahabharat. You have scared him so much now that the next month this will be running in his mind. Take it easy and as Srividhya says please apologise to him. No individual - Man or Women deserves abuse/ unnecessary rage from the spouse and theres no shame in accepting that you are wrong.

tuliplady · Jan 9, 2010

Hello Wonderful ladies

Srividya and VidhKarthik--Like you advised, I had already aplogized to my husband last night itself. One thing that I will always remember that my mom advised me was this "Never take your anger to the bed". Today, she is not alive, but he words are immortal to me. Both of us have a rule that whatever issues, even if it takes the entire night, we would sort it out, hug and then retire to bed. The next morning, none would talk about the fight. I know my husband does not deserve my outbursts and I control it to a huge extent. He is the patient one in our relationship and I cannot begin to explain how much of a support he gives me. I was totally fine with the negative result. In fact, we soon laughed about it that despite being scientists how can we expect magic in such a short time.

But the only thing that made me angry was that word. But today, I just tore off that particular page from the book and tried to read the book. My husband translated the book for me, since he knows sanskrit and wrote down the english version for me. I am not an abusive spouse and not the way I normally react to situations:hide:

Tara--Thank you for sharing this with me. I will keep this in mind forever. i appreciate that this advise has come on such a timely manner.

I feel much more confident about everything now and hope that I will take this whole journey as an enriching experience, instead of sweating over it.

sandu · Jan 10, 2010

Tulip,
Good luck with the TTC! Slokas or not, you will succeed dear!
Sandhya

ShilpaMa · Jan 11, 2010

Tulip.. all these things/ comments hurt you as long as you dont have a child or ur not preggoo... the moment u deliver u'll laugh at it & ur feeling/ reaction towards it.

My MIL threatened me on my 3rd anniv for divorce on grounds of no baby when we dint even seriously worked towards it.... and since we got into utmost pressure to save our marriage.. it dint work for inital 2 mnths. I visited a gyneac & told her that if she doesn't help me on anything by end of this month then I'll probab need to hire a lawyer for me :bonk.. she laughed & felt that I was kidding until she realised the gravity of issue ... given that my DH was also not accompanying me... also when she talked to him on our next visit... she'd asked him to come.

She did whatever she could & I had the baby... I kept all ego aside of being branded into a specific category or no... my aim was to have 1.. I never paid heed to ppl excluding me from their auspicious poojas until my MIL went wild. I used to feel it all ridiculous since it was just 3 yrs into the marr & we dint know each other b4 marr... and were simply living life without baby rules.
Infact after all these events my mom sent me the same book which had the first page of what you read.. it probably dint appear to me as a sarcasm since it was coming from my mom... so take a chill & best luck for a healthy baby.